1 Timothy 6:20-21

Today’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday verse comes from the book of 1 Timothy in the New Testament.

“Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, which some have professed and in so doing have departed from the faith.” – 1 Timothy 6:20-21

The King James Version specifically mentions science.

“O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called: Which some professing have erred concerning the faith.” – 1 Timothy 6:20-21 (KJV)

Now why would the authors of the Bible tell you to ignore what science shows and state that science is false?  Oh yeah, because science shows the absurdity of most stories in the Bible.  If people listen to science, they’ll no longer believe the Bible and will no longer be under the control of the few select men in power trying to control the masses.

The Bible tells us a massive flood killed everyone except for 7 people (might be off by one or two here, but the point is still valid) that re-populated the Earth.  The Bible tells us two people populated the world in a different story (told two different ways mind you!).  Both stories require incestuous relationships to re-populate the Earth.  Science finds no evidence of a flood and common sense says two people can’t populate a planet.  The Bible doesn’t want you to believe this so it tells you science is evil and will send you to hell.  What do you think?  As for myself, I’m not listening to the delirious delusions of a few mad men in ancient times looking to gain power and rule over the masses.

2 Samuel – Chapter 1: David Hears of Saul’s Death

I have to admit being a bit excited each time I start a new book.  Typically the previous book was getting old so I’m always looking forward to the next book, although the pattern of death, destruction, blood, killing of innocents, and misogyny continues.  Maybe that’s why I’m dragging when I near the end of a book.  2 Samuel isn’t really a new book (technically it is) since it’s simply continuation of 1 Samuel.  2 Samuel begins with David learning of Saul’s death.

“Then David said to the young man who brought him the report, ‘How do you know that Saul and his son Jonathan are dead?’” – 2 Samuel 1:5

A rare moment of critical thinking on David’s part.  Too bad there’s not more.

“So I stood beside him and killed him (Saul), because I knew that after he had fallen he could not survive. And I took the crown that was on his head and the band on his arm and have brought them here to my lord.” – 2 Samuel 1:10

Except that’s not what happened.  The last chapter of 1 Samuel tells us Saul killed himself.
“David said to the young man who brought him the report, ‘Where are you from?’ ‘I am the son of a foreigner, an Amalekite,’ he answered. David asked him, ‘Why weren’t you afraid to lift your hand to destroy the Lord’s anointed?’ Then David called one of his men and said, ‘Go, strike him down!’ So he struck him down, and he died. For David had said to him, ‘Your blood be on your own head. Your own mouth testified against you when you said, ‘I killed the Lord’s anointed.’” – 2 Samuel 1:13-16

What the fuck?!?! Yes, this man lied to David on what happened.  However, the man WAS afraid to kill Saul and didn’t.  If God is all knowing than God knows this!!!  Yet God allows David and his men to kill the messenger.  Again.  What…the…fuck!?!?!?!  David next gives a lament to Saul and Jonathan (Saul’s son).

“Tell it not in Gath, proclaim it not in the streets of Ashkelon, lest the daughters of the Philistines be glad, lest the daughters of the uncircumcised rejoice.” – 2 Samuel 1:20

Once again, women are always at felt according to the Bible.

“Saul and Jonathan—in life they were loved and admired, and in death they were not parted.” – 2 Samuel 1:23

Saul was controlled by God and killed many people.  He wasn’t loved nor admired.  Maybe by those doing the killing, but those who were innocent certainly did not love Saul.

An interesting start to the book of 2 Samuel.  I find the story of David having his men kill the messenger of Saul’s death extremely disturbing.  Yes, the man lied, but he was actually killed for claiming to not kill someone else!!!  As I said above, if God is all-knowing, God knew the man was afraid to kill Saul, yet God still allows David to have the man killed.  A just god?  Nope.  An asshole god?  Yep!

Coming Soon:  2 Samuel – Chapter 2:  David Anointed King Over Judah

Introduction to 2 Samuel

The second book of Samuel picks up where the first book ended, with Saul’s death.  Samuel bit the dust in the first book and Saul bit the dust near the end of the second book.  2 Samuel starts with David learning of the death of Saul, which essentially means David is now king of Israel.  As with most biblical chapters, no one really knows who wrote them, but that hasn’t stopped people from trying.  Most of 1 Samuel is credited to Samuel but there’s no real evidence that Samuel of the Bible ever existed, as is true with pretty much all of the Old Testament.  The latter part of 1 Samuel and all of 2 Samuel is credited by some to be written by the prophets Gad and Nathan, but again there is no evidence and much dispute.

So what should we expect in 2 Samuel?  We will see David officially announced king of Israel.  We will see more battles and victories by David.  We will see more blood and death and murdering of innocents, including women, children, and babies.  We will see promises by God to David.  We will also see the start of the line of ancestry to Jesus in the New Testament.  Basically we will learn that we are all more moral than David and God.  Along the way I’ll be switching back and forth between 2 Samuel, Psalms, and 1 Chronicles.  Much of Psalms is David praising God and much of 1 Chronicles involves David, so it makes sense to discuss these chapters at the same time.

You know you can’t wait!!!  🙂

Recap of 1 Samuel

Before starting 2 Samuel, let me do a quick recap of what we learned in 1 Samuel.  1 Samuel starts out with the birth of Samuel.  Samuel is a prophet whose sole purpose in the Bible seems to be to anoint Saul as king of the Israelites.  God has Samuel anoint Saul but God quickly takes over Saul’s body making him do bad things.  Yeah, I don’t get it either, but that’s the way God rolls.  He’s supposedly all-powerful, but can only push his agenda by hardening hearts and forcing what may be good people into doing horrible things.

1 Samuel also introduces us to David who will eventually lead the Israelites, but not in this book.  David ends up killing a giant, Goliath, with a single stone.  Later he turns into a stone cold killer and cuts off the penis tips of the Philistines.  Not once.  Not twice.  Hundreds of times!  Seriously!  This is not a joke!

Eventually Saul and David breakup and God tries to force Saul into killing David.  God is not very good at this and is unable to cause David’s death.  Not that God was really trying to kill David.  It’s some sort of sick story to elevate David’s role in biblical history.  David continues killing thousands, if not millions of people, including children and babies.  Saul ultimately meets his demise and kills himself before being killed.  The book ends there.  Saul is dead, but David isn’t officially king yet.

To sum it all up, lots of killing and lots of penis hacking.

Matthew 11:20-24

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  Jesus is a wonderful guy filled with nothing but love, right?  WRONG!  Today’s verses show us Jesus is just as crazy as himself/father/spirit in the Old Testament.

“Then Jesus began to denounce the towns in which most of his miracles had been performed, because they did not repent. ‘Woe to you, Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! For if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes.  But I tell you, it will be more bearable for Tyre and Sidon on the day of judgment than for you.  And you, Capernaum, will you be lifted to the heavens? No, you will go down to Hades. For if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Sodom, it would have remained to this day.  But I tell you that it will be more bearable for Sodom on the day of judgment than for you.’” – Matthew 11:20-24

We all know what happened to Sodom and Jesus promises that what will happen to these towns will be worse.  There are several problems with this argument.  First, there’s no way not a single person in any of these towns decided to follow and believe in Jesus.  The entire town said no?  Sorry, not buying it.  Second, maybe your speech wasn’t very good!  Maybe, just maybe, the problem isn’t the people, but the all-knowing messenger!!!

So because Jesus sucks at public speaking everyone in the town will go to hell, including the children and babies!  Everyone will go to hell!  So much for love and forgiveness from Jesus.