Today we move from Psalms back to 1 Kings. This chapter begins with God asking Solomon to ask from him what he needs and Solomon does so.
“So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?” – 1 Kings 3:9
You’re an adult who should very well know the difference from right and wrong!!! This is what you ask of God?
“The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this.” – 1 Kings 3:10
Seriously? An all-powerful, all-knowing god was pleased with this dumb ass question? How about a question on how to fix poverty? How to avoid famine? How to treat women equally? How to live in peace? Jesus fucking christ.
“Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both wealth and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings.” 1 Kings 3:13
Oh for fuck’s sake. Instead of providing Solomon with real wisdom to help his people, God agrees to give Solomon riches, while the poor suffer.
“Then Solomon awoke—and he realized it had been a dream.” – 1 Kings 3:15
ROFL! This is God’s out-clause. Sorry Christians. The killing continues because it was all a dream!
“Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. One of them said, ‘Pardon me, my lord. This woman and I live in the same house, and I had a baby while she was there with me. The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us.’” – 1 Kings 3:16-18
This is a well-known story in which two women are battling over who is the true birth mother of a child. It’s supposed to show how wise Solomon is, but as you’ll see in a moment, it really shows how dumb and irrational he is.
“He then gave an order: ‘Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other.’ The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, ‘Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!’ But the other said, ‘Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!’ Then the king gave his ruling: ‘Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother.’ When all Israel heard the verdict the king had given, they held the king in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from God to administer justice.” – 1 Kings 3:25-28
What a crock of shit! This isn’t wisdom! This is straight up stupidity. Solomon made a decision based on the emotions of two people in a situation filled with emotion. No evidence was sought. Solomon should have interviewed the women separately. He should have interviewed those who knew the women. He should have investigated their homes. No, this story doesn’t show Solomon’s wisdom. It really shows a real lack of wisdom. He threatened the death of a child. That’s not a sign of wisdom.
Ug, what a way to end this chapter. Solomon the wise. No. Solomon the dipshit with no critical thinking skills.
Coming Soon: 1 Kings – Chapter 4: Solomon’s Officials and Governors