2 Chronicles – Chapter 29: Hezekiah Purifies the Temple

Today we shift back to 2 Chronicles. This chapter is similar to 2 Kings 8 and talks about King Hezekiah.

“And he did that which was right in the sight of the Lord, according to all that David his father had done.” – 2 Chronicles 29:2

David had hundreds to thousands of wives and concubines. Traditional biblical marriage at its best. 🙂

“He in the first year of his reign, in the first month, opened the doors of the house of the Lord, and repaired them.” – 2 Chronicles 29:3

But God is petty, so all you have to do is kiss his ass and he loves you. Doesn’t matter if you are a truly moral person. Say nice things to God and he’ll love you.

“Then they went in to King Hezekiah and reported: ‘We have purified the entire temple of the Lord, the altar of burnt offering with all its utensils, and the table for setting out the consecrated bread, with all its articles.’” – 2 Chronicles 29:18

God likes his shit clean.

“So they slaughtered the bulls, and the priests took the blood and splashed it against the altar; next they slaughtered the rams and splashed their blood against the altar; then they slaughtered the lambs and splashed their blood against the altar.” – 2 Chronicles 29:22

Sounds like a waste of food at a time when too many people are struggling to acquire adequate nourishment. Then again, God was never really about caring for people.

“The number of burnt offerings the assembly brought was seventy bulls, a hundred rams and two hundred male lambs—all of them for burnt offerings to the Lord. The animals consecrated as sacrifices amounted to six hundred bulls and three thousand sheep and goats.” – 2 Chronicles 29:32-33

If you were thinking that maybe only one animal was sacrificed, think again. Thousands of animals were sacrificed!

“So the service of the temple of the Lord was reestablished. Hezekiah and all the people rejoiced at what God had brought about for his people, because it was done so quickly.” – 2 Chronicles 29:35-36

Woohoo! We sacrificed a bunch of animals! We are the best! God loves us now!

This is another in a long line of chapters that clearly show how ridiculous the Bible is when actually read. To make God love you again you have to burn thousands of animals? Seriously? This is who Christians worship?

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 30: Hezekiah Celebrates the Passover

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Philemon 7

Today is Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and I’ve pulled a quote from Philemon.

“Your love has given me great joy and encouragement,because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.” – Philemon 7

Hmmm….what’s so crazy about this quote? Nothing, until you read the translation in the King James Version.

 

“For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.” – Philemon 7

 

The bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

This is why the Bible is bullshit. There’s so many different versions with drastically different language. Refreshed the hearts vs. refreshed the bowels? That’s quite a change!

2 Kings – Chapter 18 Verses 1 – 8: Hezekiah King of Judah

After a long stretch through Isaiah, of which we are not yet finished, we move back to the book of 2 Kings and take a look at the first few verses in the eighth chapter.

“In the third year of Hoshea son of Elah king of Israel, Hezekiah son of Ahaz king of Judah began to reign.” – 2 Kings 8:1

We are back to learning about all of the kings.

“He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, just as his father David had done.” – 2 Kings 8:3

We won’t find out in these first eight verses, so we’ll have to wait and see if doing right in the eyes of the Lord was helpful to Hezekiah.

“Hezekiah trusted in the  in Lord, the God of Israel. There was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before him or after him. He held fast to the Lord and did not stop following him; he kept the commands the Lord had given Moses.  And the Lord was with him; he was successful in whatever he undertook. He rebelled against the king of Assyria and did not serve him.  From watchtower to fortified city, he defeated the Philistines, as far as Gaza and its territory.” – 2 Kings 8:5-8

Hezekiah is a true believer and follower in God. Then again, so was Job and we all know what happened to him.

We’ll have to catch the end of this story later. The chronological order guide I’m following jumps around a bit at this point before returning to 2 Kings 8 to finish the chapter.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 29: Hezekiah Purifies the Temple

Isaiah – Chapter 27: Deliverance of Israel

We continue through the book of Isaiah today.

“In that day, the Lord will punish with his sword—” – Isaiah 27:1

God is all-powerful, but he’s running around chasing people with his sword. 🙂 Is it really a sword or is it God’s…well, you know.

“I am not angry.” – Isaiah 27:3

Bullshit.

“In that day the Lord will thresh from the flowing Euphrates to the Wadi of Egypt, and you, Israel, will be gathered up one by one. And in that day a great trumpet will sound. Those who were perishing in Assyria and those who were exiled in Egypt will come and worship the Lord on the holy mountain in Jerusalem.” – Isaiah 27:12-13

This could all have been avoided had God ruled with justice and not hardened hearts to push his agenda of warfare.

Basically God is now running around fixing the things he broke, expecting to receive heaps of praise! Fuck off, God.

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 18 Verses 1 – 8: Hezekiah King of Judah

Isaiah – Chapter 26: A Song of Praise

Isaiah, Isaiah, Isaiah. Sigh. A whole bunch of talk on destruction, but God still loves you. What a bunch of crap. Let’s see what Isaiah 26 contains.

“We have a strong city; God makes salvation its walls and ramparts.” – Isaiah 26:1

I see. God destroys, but now he is good because he builds back up? Nope, not buying it.

“Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.” – Isaiah 26:4

Trust in a God who destroys if you make the tiniest mistake against his wishes? No thanks.

“Lord, you establish peace for us;” – Isaiah 26:12

Peace? Hardly. God has brought nothing but war and destruction to the people. He hardened the hearts of the Egyptians to force the Egyptians to oppress the Israelites!!! That’s not peace!

“But your dead will live, Lord; their bodies will rise—” – Isaiah 26:19

ZOMBIES!!!

“See, the Lord is coming out of his dwelling to punish the people of the earth for their sins.” – Isaiah 26:21

By definition, Christianity states we all are filled with sin. Therefore God is coming out to punish all of us.

What crazy religion is this? God is not peaceful if he’s the one causing the harm in the first place! Zombies?!?!?!? Punishing anyone with sin after saying that everyone has sin? This is a cult designed to control people.

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 27: Deliverance of Israel

Jude 5

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse shows how fucked up God, the creator of all, the knower of all, and one who loves all, really is.

“Though you already know all this, I want to remind you that the Lord at one time delivered his people out of Egypt, but later destroyed those who did not believe.” – Jude 5

God saved his people, but then killed a bunch of them who didn’t believe. Why didn’t they believe? Maybe it has something to do with the fact God never shows himself and he continued to oppress the people he supposedly loved. If there’s no evidence of God and your life is in shambles, why would one believe? It’s clear there’s no god there to believe in!

But set that aside for a minute. God says he loves everyone. But he destroys some? Why doesn’t he just go down, present himself, and set the individual right? God is supposedly all-powerful, but he’s not powerful enough to make people believe in him? Seriously?