The story of Jacob continues. In the last chapter, Jacob married his first cousin and vowed to build a house for God, but only if God led Jacob to safety. This directly contradicts the entire book of Job in which God demanded full faith in Him by Job. Although every bit of evidence pointed toward Job having full faith, God said no and punished Job horribly. Did God punish Jacob for not having faith? Nope. God picks and chooses his favorites. Let’s see what Chapter 29 brings us.
Jacob travels to Paddan Aram and meets Rachel, Laban’s daughter and Jacob’s first cousin. Laban is the brother of Rebekah, Jacob’s mother.
“When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of Laban, his mother’s brother, and Laban’s sheep, he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle’s sheep. Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep.” – Genesis 29:10-11
That’s just odd. Jacob kisses Rachel upon first meeting her and starts to weep? Jacob needs mental help! If Rachel was my daughter and I saw Jacob run up and kiss her upon first sight, I’d either kick his ass, call the cops, or do both! The story gets even weirder.
“He had told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and a son of Rebekah.” – Genesis 29:12
As if the kissing upon sight wasn’t weird enough, Jacob follows it up by telling Rachel that he is her relative. Because that doesn’t make it weirder!!! What is Laban’s reaction?
“He (Laban) embraced him (Jacob) and kissed him and brought him to his home, and there Jacob told him all these things. Then Laban said to him, ‘You are my own flesh and blood.’” – Genesis 29:13-14
Yes, that’s the typical reaction of every father upon seeing his daughter kissed by a random dude that neither knows. This sounds like the beginning of some back alley incest focused porn movie. Jacob next agrees to work with Laban for seven years in exchange for Rachel’s hand in marriage.
“Laban said, ‘It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man.’” – Genesis 29:19
Rachel has no choice in the matter. She’s going to marry Jacob because that’s what the men agreed to. Misogyny at its finest. If I had to define the Bible with one theme only, it would be misogyny.
“Then Jacob said to Laban, ‘Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her.’” – Genesis 29:21
Translation: I’ve got a raging boner and my hand isn’t cutting it anymore. Wow! GIVE ME MY WIFE!!! Yep, an amazing story filled with love. Note my deep sarcasm.
This story can’t get possibly weirder, right? WRONG!
“But when evening came, he took his daughter to Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her.” – Genesis 29:23
Wait, what? Jacob lays (has sex with) Leah and doesn’t know?!?!?! How is that even possible?
“When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, ‘What is this you have done to me….why have you deceived me?’” – Genesis 29:25
Again, how did Jacob not realize Leah was in bed with him and not Rachel? This makes no sense at all!
Jacob has to work another seven years for Laban, but in the end, he gets two wives!
“Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah.” – Genesis 29:30
Biblical love at its finest. Since Jacob loves Rachel more, God punishes Rachel by making her barren. Again, God punishes the wrong person. Leah goes on to have four children by Jacob. They are named Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah.
That does it for Chapter 29. Jacob chooses Rachel to be his wife, through no choice of Rachel’s. Jacob is ‘tricked’ into sleeping with Leah, as if that is somehow possible. Jacob loves Rachel more and as a result, God punishes…wait for it…RACHEL! LOL! I’ve never read a love story more romantic than this!
Coming Soon: Genesis – Chapter 30: Jacob’s Children