Matthew 5:27-28

Today’s crazy Bible verse is actually two verses in the book of Matthew.  These are the direct words spoken by Jesus.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Matthew 5:27-28

The ten commandments tell us that adultery is a sin.  Sleeping with another person while married is a sin in the eyes of God.  Okay, but now Jesus tells us that adultery goes much farther than that.  Simply looking at another person in a lustful way is adultery and a sin in the eyes of God.  This isn’t a random person in the Bible telling us this.  It’s not even Paul.  It’s JESUS!!!

Think about this for a second.  If you’re walking down the street and see another man/woman and think that he/she is attractive, guess what?  That’s adultery.  You have sinned.  That’s simply insane!  It’s nothing but the powers that by trying to control the masses through sexual repression.  So what’s one to do?  Walk down the street blindfolded.  You never know when a lustful thought might enter your mind, so best not to look at anyone other than your spouse…EVER!!!  🙂

Genesis – Chapter 49: Jacob Blesses His Sons

The story of Jacob and Joseph continues.  We learned in Genesis 47 that Jacob died at the age of 147.  Genesis 48 focused on events before Jacob’s death and Genesis 49, based on the title, does the same thing.

“Then Jacob called for his sons and said: ‘Gather around so I can tell you what will happen to you in days to come.’” – Genesis 49:1

Something tells me that what is to come is not simply peace and love.  I’m guessing what is to come will involve a lot of evil, destruction, anger, and sadness.  Maybe I’ll be proved wrong, but I doubt it.

“Reuben…you will no longer excel, for you went up onto your father’s bed, onto my couch and defiled it.” – Genesis 49:3-4

Sucks to be Reuben.  Of course, the ramblings of an old man should have no bearing on the future.  Reuben is free to be his own man and live his own life.  The Bible, naturally, would rather you not believe that.  The Bible wants you to live in fear of God.  Living your own life is somehow an evil thing to do.

“Simeon and Levi…I will scatter them in Jacob and disperse them in Israel.” – Genesis 49:5-7

Jacob doesn’t have the power to do this, but God does.  Simeon and Levi will be scattered across Israel because of God’s actions.  Not Jacob’s.  The all-loving God will do this.

Jacob has several good things to say about Judah.  Judah was the brother who was least willing to allow Joseph to be sold into slavery.  Judah, however, did not stop the slavery and as a result is still guilty.  Yet Judah gets praised.  We’ve seen this before in Genesis where someone who does evil gets praised by God.

“Zebulun will live by the seashore and become a haven for ships; his border will extend toward Sidon.” – Genesis 49:13

This doesn’t sound bad.  From the Bible, Zebulun was just as involved in the slavery of Joseph as Reuben, Simeon, and Levi, yet Zebulun isn’t punished.  I won’t go on to all of the other brothers, but I will say that several were met with harm.  Remember that Jacob can’t do this harm himself.  Any harm that comes to the brothers is God turning Jacob’s wishes into reality.

Jacob dies and requests to be buried in the same place as Abraham and Isaac.

That does it for Genesis 49.  It’s one thing for Jacob to denounce his sons for what they did to Joseph.  If Jacob had a will, it would be perfectly acceptable from him to leave his sons out of the will.  Heck, Jacob can even wish ill upon his sons.  But Jacob can’t cause any of this to actually occur.  Only God can.  That’s the God of the Bible.  A God who favors some over others.  An all-loving God that has favorites.  Wow!

Coming Soon:  Genesis – Chapter 50:  The Aftermath of Jacob’s Death

Genesis – Chapter 48: Manasseh and Ephraim

Joseph has spent several years stealing from the people and forcing them to suffer through horrible famine conditions.  Jacob, after meeting his son Joseph again, dies.  Genesis Chapter 48 focuses more on Jacob’s death.

“Some time later Joseph was told, ‘Your father is ill.’ So he took his two sons Manasseh and Ephraim along with him.” – Genesis 48:1

This puts some context on who Manasseh and Ephraim are.

“Jacob said to Joseph, ‘God Almighty appeared to me at Luz in the land of Canaan, and there he blessed me and said to me, ‘I am going to make you fruitful and increase your numbers. I will make you a community of peoples, and I will give this land as an everlasting possession to your descendants after you.’’” – Genesis 48:3-4

A community of peoples was made, but to do so, many people had to suffer needlessly.  That’s the blessing God brought to Jacob.  I don’t know about you, but I want no part of a God who allows others to needlessly suffer.  Jacob next says:

“Now then, your two sons born to you in Egypt before I came to you here will be reckoned as mine; Ephraim and Manasseh will be mine, just as Reuben and Simeon are mine. Any children born to you after them will be yours; in the territory they inherit they will be reckoned under the names of their brothers.” – Genesis 48:5-6

Um…no…that’s not how fatherhood works.  Ephraim and Manasseh will ALWAYS be Joseph’s sons, not Jacob’s.  What the heck?

“But his father refused and said, ‘I know, my son, I know. He too will become a people, and he too will become great. Nevertheless, his younger brother will be greater than he, and his descendants will become a group of nations.’” – Genesis 48:19

Ug, we’ve heard this story before.  What is so hard about blessing both children and saying both will grow to do great things?  The parenting ‘lessons’ in the Bible are HORRIBLE!!!

“Then Israel said to Joseph, ‘I am about to die, but God will be with you and take you back to the land of your fathers.’” – Genesis 48:21

If this is really true and God is with Joseph, we can expect far more misogyny, hatred of the poor, and evil.  That does it for this chapter.

Coming Soon:  Genesis – Chapter 49:  Jacob Blesses His Sons

Genesis – Chapter 47: Joseph and Jacob Continued

In our last chapter, Genesis 46, little happened other than Jacob returning to Egypt to see Joseph with his own eyes.  Little else happened, so let’s cross our fingers that Chapter 47 brings more excitement.

“Pharaoh said to Joseph, ‘Your father and your brothers have come to you, and the land of Egypt is before you; settle your father and your brothers in the best part of the land. Let them live in Goshen. And if you know of any among them with special ability, put them in charge of my own livestock.’” – Genesis 47:5-6

Who cares about the rest of the people?!!?  Joseph’s brothers get the BEST of the land and push those who are already there to the more famine starved lands!

“And Jacob said to Pharaoh, ‘The years of my pilgrimage are a hundred and thirty.’ – Genesis 47:9

God again breaks his vow to Noah and allows a human to live past 120 years old.

“There was no food, however, in the whole region because the famine was severe; both Egypt and Canaan wasted away because of the famine.  Joseph collected all the money that was to be found in Egypt and Canaan in payment for the grain they were buying, and he brought it to Pharaoh’s palace.” – Genesis 47:13-14

Where does Joseph get this money?  It didn’t grow on trees and it wasn’t recovered from the ground.  Joseph went out and stole the money from the people of the land.

“When the money of the people of Egypt and Canaan was gone, all Egypt came to Joseph and said, ‘Give us food. Why should we die before your eyes? Our money is all gone.’ ‘Then bring your livestock,’ said Joseph. ‘I will sell you food in exchange for your livestock, since your money is gone.’ – Genesis 47:15-16

So let me get this straight.  Joseph steals money from the people of the land and when they ask for food, he demands they buy found from him using livestock as currency.  That’s the very definition of an evil leader.  Yet this evil leader has the full support of God.

“When that year was over, they came to him the following year and said, ‘We cannot hide from our lord the fact that since our money is gone and our livestock belongs to you, there is nothing left for our lord except our bodies and our land.  Why should we perish before your eyes—we and our land as well? Buy us and our land in exchange for food, and we with our land will be in bondage to Pharaoh. Give us seed so that we may live and not die, and that the land may not become desolate.’” – Genesis 47:18-19

This story is getting quite repetitive.  God allows all of this to happen.  Joseph steals the food, money, and livestock from the people and now gives them food in exchange for their servitude.  Disgusting.

“However, he did not buy the land of the priests, because they received a regular allotment from Pharaoh and had food enough from the allotment Pharaoh gave them. That is why they did not sell their land.” – Genesis 47:23

Except for the priests of course!  LOL!

“But when the crop comes in, give a fifth of it to Pharaoh. The other four-fifths you may keep as seed for the fields and as food for yourselves and your households and your children.” – Genesis 47:24

The Pharaoh gives seeds to the people to plant.  Giving a fifth back to the Pharaoh is not a problem if Joseph and the Pharaoh give that back to the people in time of need.  The way it stands, Joseph steals from the people and makes them buy their own food back!

“’You have saved our lives,’ they said. ‘May we find favor in the eyes of our lord; we will be in bondage to Pharaoh.’” – Genesis 47:25

Excuse me while I take a few moments to vomit.  How many people died as a result of God’s actions?  How many people died as a result of Joseph’s stealing?  The people who survived were lucky.  No one saved their lives.

“Jacob lived in Egypt seventeen years, and the years of his life were a hundred and forty-seven.” – Genesis 47:28

Last I looked, 147 is greater than 120.  God lies again.

This was a tough chapter to read.  The people of Egypt are suffering and Joseph is the cause of that suffering.  He’s not a great leader.  He’s a leader who stole from the people and made them buy back those stolen products.  Today we call that thievery and put those people in prison.

Coming Soon:  Genesis – Chapter 48:  Manasseh and Ephraim

Genesis 4:17

This week’s crazy Bible verse points out the problem with sex and reproduction in the Bible.

“Cain made love to his wife, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Enoch. Cain was then building a city, and he named it after his son Enoch.” – Genesis 4:17

To add some context to this, the Bible states that God created the Universe in 6 days.  He created Adam and Eve as the ONLY two humans on Earth.  Adam and Eve had sex, producing Cain and Abel.  At this point in the Bible, no other humans are mentioned.  No daughters are mentioned.  As far as we know, there are only 4 people on Earth!  Yet Cain somehow made love to his wife.  This leaves one of three possibilities.

  1. The story of creation is wrong (of course we know this to be true, but hang with me here).
  2. Cain married and had sex with his Mom, Eve. She’s the only other woman mentioned in the Bible at this point.
  3. Adam and Eve had a daughter, not mentioned, and Cain married and had sex with her. In other words, all of humankind was the result of incest.  J

Genesis 4:17 is this week’s crazy Bible verse for the very reason that it is either IMPOSSIBLE or involves a heavy dose of incest to be true.

Genesis – Chapter 46: Jacob Goes to Egypt

We are closing in on the end of Genesis, but first we have a story of Jacob, Joseph’s father, returning to Egypt to see his long missing son.

“’I am God, the God of your father,’ he said. ‘Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you into a great nation there.  I will go down to Egypt with you, and I will surely bring you back again. And Joseph’s own hand will close your eyes.’” – Genesis 46:3-4

Ah, God finally appears to say that all is good.  Of course God waits until humans figured things out on their own before appearing and saying all is good.  Sigh.  Following this are several verses listing Jacob’s descendants.  No daughters, however, are mentioned.  Only the sons.  Biblical misogyny.

And that about does it.  Jacob meets Joseph and is overwhelmed with joy.  Again, at first glance it appears this is a heart wrenching reunion story until you realize God caused this all to happen.  God did nothing except say everything will be okay AFTER everything was already okay.  That’s the God of the Bible for you.

Coming Soon:  Genesis – Chapter 47:  Joseph and Jacob Continued

Genesis – Chapter 45: Joseph Makes Himself Known

In the last chapter we saw Joseph with an obvious agenda but resorting to trickery to push his agenda.  Very ‘moral’ of him.  God is still missing, off doing who knows what.  Let’s see what Genesis 45 brings us.

“Then Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, ‘Have everyone leave my presence!’ So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers.” – Genesis 45:1

Finally!  Although I still don’t understand how not one of Joseph’s many brothers recognized him.

“Joseph said to his brothers, ‘I am Joseph! Is my father still living?’ But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence.” – Genesis 45:3

Surprised I understand, but terrified?  I think the Bible is mixing up emotions.

“But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.” – Genesis 45:7

Sure he did.  That’s why He only appeared when you were suffering.  This is NOT the action of a loving God.

“So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt.” – Genesis 45:8

No, the Bible clearly tells us Joseph’s brothers sold Joseph into slavery.  God could have stopped it, but He didn’t.  God was a non-participant in these actions.  The Christian apologist will argue that God works in mysterious ways.  I argue that God either doesn’t exist or has an extremely twisted mind.

“I will provide for you there, because five years of famine are still to come. Otherwise you and your household and all who belong to you will become destitute.” – Genesis 45:11

Let us not forget that in the good times, Joseph stole crops from the peasants and is now forcing those same peasants into buying back their own food.  Joseph is now saying that his family must come live with him or become destitute.  What about the other people living near Joseph’s father?  Joseph and God are allowing the other people to become destitute.  A very ‘moral’ lesson to learn here.

“Pharaoh said to Joseph, ‘Tell your brothers, ‘Do this: Load your animals and return to the land of Canaan, and bring your father and your families back to me. I will give you the best of the land of Egypt and you can enjoy the fat of the land.’’” – Genesis 45:17-18

All while the rest of the people suffer five more years of famine.  God is the one who brought the famine and God is the one who can stop it, but He choose not to.  The brothers go back and tell Jacob Joseph is alive.  At first Joseph doesn’t believe, but he is soon convinced and ready to return to Egypt to see him.

That concludes Genesis 45.  At first glance it is a touchy feely story of a long lost brother being reunited with his family.  But when you look at the cause of all of this, God, you realize it’s a sick and twisted game by God.  Had God done the right thing in the beginning, Joseph would never have left his family.  But God doesn’t do the right thing.  In fact, He almost always does the wrong thing.  If God were a person in today’s times, He’d have been thrown in prison long ago.

Coming Soon:  Genesis – Chapter 46:  Jacob Goes to Egypt

Genesis – Chapter 44: A Silver Cup in a Sack

Not much happened in the last chapter.  Joseph’s brothers returned to Egypt with the youngest brother.  They all sat down to eat a meal.  That’s about it.  Here’s hoping for some more excitement in Chapter 44.

“Now Joseph gave these instructions to the steward of his house: ‘Fill the men’s sacks with as much food as they can carry, and put each man’s silver in the mouth of his sack.  Then put my cup, the silver one, in the mouth of the youngest one’s sack, along with the silver for his grain.’ And he did as Joseph said.” – Genesis 44:1-2

Will this go as the last time when Joseph did this and later claimed God put the silver in the bags?

“They had not gone far from the city when Joseph said to his steward, ‘Go after those men at once, and when you catch up with them, say to them, ‘Why have you repaid good with evil?  Isn’t this the cup my master drinks from and also uses for divination? This is a wicked thing you have done.’” – Genesis 44:4-5

Wow!  Didn’t see that coming.  Another lesson in biblical morality?  Where is God?  Nowhere to be found.

“’Very well, then,’ he said, ‘let it be as you say. Whoever is found to have it will become my slave; the rest of you will be free from blame.’ – Genesis 44:10

And the lesson to be learned here?  Check your bags BEFORE leaving just in case someone sneaks something to later accuse you of thievery!!!

“’What can we say to my lord?’ Judah replied. ‘What can we say? How can we prove our innocence? God has uncovered your servants’ guilt. We are now my lord’s slaves—we ourselves and the one who was found to have the cup.’” – Genesis 44:16

No…God didn’t uncover any sins.  God, conveniently, remained silent.

“But Joseph said, ‘Far be it from me to do such a thing! Only the man who was found to have the cup will become my slave. The rest of you, go back to your father in peace.’” – Genesis 44:17

How nice of Joseph!  Only one of the brothers will be a slave!  Joseph is such a kind and caring individual.

“’Now then, please let your servant remain here as my lord’s slave in place of the boy, and let the boy return with his brothers.  How can I go back to my father if the boy is not with me? No! Do not let me see the misery that would come on my father.’” – Genesis 44:33-34

Judah realizes that not returning to his father without the youngest brother will cause his father emotional pain and quite possibly kill him.  Judah begs for a different scenario.

That concludes Genesis 44.  Much more interesting than Genesis 43.  Joseph has an agenda that is not fully developed yet, but to push forward his agenda, he turns to trickery.  What will Chapter 45 bring us?

Coming Soon:  Genesis – Chapter 45:  Joseph Makes Himself Known

2 Kings 6:6

 Today’s crazy Bible verse shows us the authors of the Bible understood nothing about basic science.

“The man of God asked, ‘Where did it fall?’ When he showed him the place, Elisha cut a stick and threw it there, and made the iron float.” – 2 Kings 6:6

To put some context on this quote, the title of this chapter is “The Axhead Floats”.  While cutting down trees, an iron ax falls in the water.  Apparently throwing a stick in the water will make iron float.  WTF?  Let me discuss some real science.  Objects more dense than water will sink.  Objects less dense than water will float.

Fresh water has a density of 1 gm/cm3.  Iron has density of 7.87 gm/cm3.  That’s nearly 8 times the density of water.  Thus iron sinks in water.  Salt water is more dense than fresh water, but coming in at a density of between 1.02 – 1.03 gm/cm3 it still falls well short of the density of iron.

I suppose the water in this Bible verse isn’t really water but some other liquid.  Maybe it’s a big pool of mercury which has a density of over 13 gm/cm3.  Iron would definitely float in mercury.  So either the Bible is science illiterate or this was a lake of mercury.  Some studies show that mercury exposure is linked to dementia.  Given what else is in the Bible, maybe this really was a lake of mercury!  🙂

Genesis – Chapter 43: The Second Journey to Egypt

In our last chapter of Genesis Joseph’s brothers come to Egypt to buy some grain.  Joseph is upset and demands they bring the youngest brother to him.  Chapter 43 now details that second return trip to Egypt.  The brothers return to Joseph hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

“And may God Almighty grant you mercy before the man so that he will let your other brother and Benjamin come back with you. As for me, if I am bereaved, I am bereaved.” – Genesis 43:14

Well, God has been missing through most of this story, so I wouldn’t hold my breath on that hope.  The brothers are afraid of Joseph and tell him about the silver.

“’It’s all right,’ he said. ‘Don’t be afraid. Your God, the God of your father, has given you treasure in your sacks; I received your silver.’ Then he brought Simeon out to them.” – Genesis 43:23

Um…no.  Joseph put that silver there.  Sigh.  The brothers all sit down to dinner with Joseph, although they still don’t know this man is their brother, Joseph.

“They served him by himself, the brothers by themselves, and the Egyptians who ate with him by themselves, because Egyptians could not eat with Hebrews, for that is detestable to Egyptians.” – Genesis 42:32

This would be a good time for God to enter the picture and make it clear to everyone this is wrong.

That concludes Chapter 43.  There’s not much here to discuss.  The brothers return to Joseph with the youngest brother.  Joseph weeps after seeing the younger brother and all sit down to eat.  That’s about it.

Coming Soon:  Genesis – Chapter 44:  A Silver Cup in a Sack