Leviticus – Chapter 19: Various Laws

I love that the title of Leviticus Chapter 19 is “Various Laws” as if the prior laws weren’t scattered in their own way.  Thus far we’ve received laws on sex, food, unclean food, sacrifices, clothing, etc.  Let’s see what laws are categorized as “Various Laws”.

“The Lord said to Moses, ‘Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: ‘Be holy because I, the Lord your God, am holy.’’” – Leviticus 19:1

God is holy because the Bible says God is holy.  Since the Bible says God is holy, God is holy.  🙂  Got that?  There’s a Christian on Google+ arguing with me that this is solid evidence God is holy.  An inhuman God is holy because a book written by humans says the inhuman God is holy is solid evidence God is holy?  If you face palmed don’t worry, so did I.

“Each of you must respect your mother and father, and you must observe my Sabbaths. I am the Lord your God.” – Leviticus 19:2

Well, have the mother and father earned the respect of the child?  If the parents beat you are you still supposed to respect them?  Hell no, but the Bible says you must.

“Do not steal.  Do not lie. Do not deceive one another.” – Leviticus 19:11

Agreed.  The Bible is correct on this one.

“Do not defraud or rob your neighbor.  Do not hold back the wages of a hired worker overnight.” – Leviticus 19:13

Agreed again.  The Bible is correct again on this one.

“Keep my decrees. Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.” – Leviticus 19:19

And now the crazy returns.  Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material?  I think the shirt I’m wearing is only 90% polyester, therefore I’m breaking God’s law.  God went from making sense to utter nonsense.

“If a man sleeps with a female slave who is promised to another man but who has not been ransomed or given her freedom, there must be due punishment. Yet they are not to be put to death, because she had not been freed.” – Leviticus 19:20

More evidence God condones slavery.  If God is loving and just the verse should say “Slavery is bad.  Don’t do it.”  🙂

“When you enter the land and plant any kind of fruit tree, regard its fruit as forbidden. For three years you are to consider it forbidden; it must not be eaten. In the fourth year all its fruit will be holy, an offering of praise to the Lord. But in the fifth year you may eat its fruit. In this way your harvest will be increased. I am the Lord your God.” – Leviticus 19:23-25

See that fruit on the tree YOU planted in YOUR land?  Guess what, you can’t eat it until the 5th year.  Go hungry for a while and after 5 years you will be blessed.  Granted, you may die of hunger in those 5 years, but you will be blessed with a tasty apple.  🙂

“Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.” – Leviticus 19:27

Shit.  Broke that law.

“Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.” – Leviticus 19:28

Dear Christians with tattoos who condemn homosexuality:  Read Leviticus 19:28!

“Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God.” – Leviticus 19:31

Dear humans.  I am your Lord.  Do not worship those other gods you can’t see.  Instead, worship me who you can’t see either.  Also, I will never speak directly to you, but worship me because I say so, but not to you.  I say so to Moses.  Sigh.

“When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them.  The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.” – Leviticus 19:33-34

Yes, the Bible is correct sometimes and this is another case.  Too bad there’s so much crazy between all of the good.

To conclude Leviticus 19, there are many laws handed down by God.  A few are repeats of other laws already handed down.  Some, such as not stealing or lying, are good laws we should all follow.  Many of the laws, however, are simply crazy.  Don’t cut the sides of your hair?  Watch how you have sex with your slave?  Note, having sex with a slave is okay, but only as long as you do it correctly!  Where’s the law on not having slaves?!?!?!  The Bible would be a much better book and God might be more believable if the crazy were missing.  Granted, it would leave a very short book, but more believable.

Coming Soon:  Leviticus – Chapter 20: Punishments for Sin


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