Numbers – Chapter 15: Supplementary Offerings

Numbers 14 brought us the story of God forgiving the Israelites but then killing many of them anyway and punishing their offspring out to the 4th generation.  This is God’s definition of ‘love’.  Maybe God will back track and say he’s sorry and really mean it in Numbers 15?  Oh, who am I kidding?!?!

“After you enter the land I am giving you as a home and you present to the Lord food offerings from the herd or the flock, as an aroma pleasing to the Lord—whether burnt offerings or sacrifices, for special vows or freewill offerings or festival offerings…” – Numbers 15:2-3

Numbers 15 begins with God commanding the people give Him sacrifices once they reach the promised land.

“Offer it as an aroma pleasing to the Lord.” – Numbers 15:7

Don’t fart during the sacrifice.  God won’t like that and likely kill you, your children, your grandchildren, and your great grandchildren.  If not kill, then severely punish.

“Now if you as a community unintentionally fail to keep any of these commands the Lord gave Moses—any of the Lord’s commands to you through him, from the day the Lord gave them and continuing through the generations to come— and if this is done unintentionally without the community being aware of it, then the whole community is to offer a young bull for a burnt offering as an aroma pleasing to the Lord, along with its prescribed grain offering and drink offering, and a male goat for a sin offering.” – Numbers 15:22-24

Dammit Jim, again?!?!?!  Seriously!?!?!  Why do you forget to wait until evening to re-join the group after having sex?  You must wait until evening to be considered clean!!!

“But anyone who sins defiantly, whether native-born or foreigner, blasphemes the Lord and must be cut off from the people of Israel.  Because they have despised the Lord’s word and broken his commands, they must surely be cut off; their guilt remains on them.” – Numbers 15:30-31

This comes after learning in Numbers 14 that God is slow to anger and forgiving.  So much for that forgiveness.

“While the Israelites were in the wilderness, a man was found gathering wood on the Sabbath day. Those who found him gathering wood brought him to Moses and Aaron and the whole assembly, and they kept him in custody, because it was not clear what should be done to him. Then the Lord said to Moses, ‘The man must die. The whole assembly must stone him outside the camp.’ So the assembly took him outside the camp and stoned him to death, as the Lord commanded Moses.” – Numbers 15:32-36

Christians should read this. According to God, anyone who works on the Sabbath is to be put to death.  PUT TO DEATH!!!  This poor guy is simply picking up fire wood to possibly keep his family warm and God comes along and stones him to death!  This is God’s love.

“You will have these tassels to look at and so you will remember all the commands of the Lord, that you may obey them and not prostitute yourselves by chasing after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes.” – Numbers 15:39

So God’s plan to get the people to love Him is for them to wear a tassel?  Really?!?!  Man, if I don’t have this tassel to look at I’m going to forget and whore myself out.  WTF?

I’m sorry if this is offensive, but God is an evil jackass.  He has a sick and twisted definition of love and forgiveness and Numbers 15 further proves that.

Coming Soon:  Numbers – Chapter 16:  Korah, Dathan and Abiram

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2 thoughts on “Numbers – Chapter 15: Supplementary Offerings

  1. I interpreted the texts a little different before I read your interpretation. I was wondering: what kind of God would require petty pleasing by incense? It would be a very petty God indeed! 😉

    Like

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