Numbers – Chapter 35: Towns for the Levites

Now that the boundaries for the land of Canaan have been set, Numbers 35 fills us in on the towns for the Levites and cities of refuge.

“On the plains of Moab by the Jordan across from Jericho, the Lord said to Moses, ‘Command the Israelites to give the Levites towns to live in from the inheritance the Israelites will possess. And give them pasturelands around the towns. Then they will have towns to live in and pasturelands for the cattle they own and all their other animals.’” – Numbers 35:1-3

See, God does have a heart!  LOL!

“Six of the towns you give the Levites will be cities of refuge, to which a person who has killed someone may flee.” – Numbers 35:6

WTF?  People who commit murder get their own town to live in!?!?!?

“They will be places of refuge from the avenger, so that anyone accused of murder may not die before they stand trial before the assembly.” – Numbers 35:13

Okay, that makes a little more sense.  However, murderers get trials, as they should, but do something God considers sexually immoral and you are punished without a trial.  Not exactly fair or just.

“If anyone strikes someone a fatal blow with an iron object, that person is a murderer; the murderer is to be put to death. Or if anyone is holding a stone and strikes someone a fatal blow with it, that person is a murderer; the murderer is to be put to death. Or if anyone is holding a wooden object and strikes someone a fatal blow with it, that person is a murderer; the murderer is to be put to death.” – Numbers 35:16-18

Very specific.  Does this mean all of the Israelites commanded to slaughter others should be put to death?  Does this mean God, as the commander of the Israelites, should be put to death?

“But if without enmity someone suddenly pushes another or throws something at them unintentionally or, without seeing them, drops on them a stone heavy enough to kill them, and they die, then since that other person was not an enemy and no harm was intended, the assembly must judge between the accused and the avenger of blood according to these regulations. The assembly must protect the one accused of murder from the avenger of blood and send the accused back to the city of refuge to which they fled. The accused must stay there until the death of the high priest, who was anointed with the holy oil.” – Numbers 35:22-25

Okay, this makes sense.  Maybe not the exact punishment but the fact that the punishment is less severe for unintentional murder.  This is similar to manslaughter in society today.

“Anyone who kills a person is to be put to death as a murderer only on the testimony of witnesses. But no one is to be put to death on the testimony of only one witness.” – Numbers 35:30

Again, agreed, assuming there is lack of other evidence.  Eyewitness testimony alone is shaky at best.

“Do not pollute the land where you are. Bloodshed pollutes the land, and atonement cannot be made for the land on which blood has been shed, except by the blood of the one who shed it. Do not defile the land where you live and where I dwell, for I, the Lord, dwell among the Israelites.” – Numbers 35:33-34

God is conveniently forgetting the slaughter He just ordered a few chapters ago.

To conclude Numbers 35, it was filled with several rules on murder, some of which make sense and others not so much.  All in all this was a milder chapter of the Bible compared to others.

Coming Soon:  Numbers – Chapter 36:  Inheritance of Zelophehad’s Daughters

Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian

If you’re looking for a good, humor filled Atheist themed YouTube channel, look no further than Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian.  Videos do not come out very often, but when they do, they are great!  While you’re waiting for new videos, go through the archives and watch them all!

Mrs. Betty Bowers is a character who professes to be a Christian, but the way in which she does it is hilarious.  In the process of discussing her Christianity she proves that problems of Christianity.  I hope you get this when watching the videos but just in case, these videos are satire!  Hilarious stuff!!!

Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian

Numbers – Chapter 34: Boundaries of Canaan

We’re closing in on the end of the book of Numbers but there are still a couple of chapters to go.  Let’s see what Numbers 34 has in store for us.

“The Lord said to Moses, ‘Command the Israelites and say to them: ‘When you enter Canaan, the land that will be allotted to you as an inheritance is to have these boundaries:’’” – Numbers 34:1-2

What about the people who already live there?  If the previous chapters are any indication, they will be slaughtered and/or raped.

The rest of the chapter describes the exact boundaries of Canaan and who the leaders of the Israeli tribes will be.

That’s it.  There’s really nothing else to report in this chapter.  The Israelites, although not Moses, are about to enter the promised land.  God could have given them a promised land through peaceful methods.  He is after all God.  Instead, God chooses the deadliest, bloodiest method possible.  Why?  Because He loves you.

Coming Soon:  Numbers – Chapter 35:  Towns for the Levites

Numbers – Chapter 33: Stages in Israel’s Journey

God is making it clear that He loves Him so good old slaughtering of innocents as evident in Numbers 31 and 32.  Surely He will apologize in Numbers 33, right?  Right?!?!

“Here are the stages in the journey of the Israelites when they came out of Egypt by divisions under the leadership of Moses and Aaron.” – Numbers 33:1

Hmmm….I guess the last two chapters were a bit intense and now it’s time to ease things up a bit lest anyone think that the God of the Bible is, oh, I don’t know…CRAZY!!!

“The Israelites set out from Rameses on the fifteenth day of the first month, the day after the Passover. They marched out defiantly in full view of all the Egyptians, who were burying all their firstborn, whom the Lord had struck down among them; for the Lord had brought judgment on their gods.” – Numbers 33:3-4

This chapter conveniently leaves out the fact that God hardened the hearts of the Egyptians many times, forcing them to do evil upon the Israelites.

“Aaron was a hundred and twenty-three years old when he died on Mount Hor.” – Numbers 33:39

Closer to God’s covenant with Noah in Genesis 6, but not quite.  Once again God breaks His own rule of humans living no more than 120 years.

“On the plains of Moab by the Jordan across from Jericho the Lord said to Moses, ‘Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘When you cross the Jordan into Canaan, drive out all the inhabitants of the land before you. Destroy all their carved images and their cast idols, and demolish all their high places. Take possession of the land and settle in it, for I have given you the land to possess.’” – Numbers 33:50-53

Woohoo!  More slaughtering of innocents!  God is truly great!!!

“But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land, those you allow to remain will become barbs in your eyes and thorns in your sides. They will give you trouble in the land where you will live. And then I will do to you what I plan to do to them.” – Numbers 33:55-56

Just in case the Israelites are thinking of showing compassion, God makes it clear that they will be slaughtered should they disobey God’s command to slaughter these innocents.

That concludes Numbers 33.  Not as much slaughter and rape as the previous two chapters, but it does end with another command from God to slaughter an innocent group of people who are simply in the way.  There should be an 11th command stating “Thou shall slaughter and rape whenever I sayeth to slaughter and rape.”  Fuck you God.

Coming Soon:  Numbers – Chapter 34:  Boundaries of Canaan

Matthew 15:3-4

It’s Crazy Bible verse Tuesday and today I bring you a couple of verses in which Jesus is upset that children are not killed!

“Jesus replied, ‘And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’’” – Matthew 15:3-4

The Pharisees are talking to Jesus and Jesus is answering their questions.  Jesus is not all hugs and kisses as Christians like to describe him as.  Jesus makes it very clear in many places in the Bible (e.g. Matthew 5:17) that he will uphold all of the old laws.  He’ll uphold the old laws even if it means the death of a child.  What child doesn’t curse their mother or father at times?  That’s the life of a child!  Jesus, however, makes it clear he believes this is a crime worthy of death.  Jesus, if he had his way in all cases, would murder every child who ever curses his/her mother/father.

Thankfully the story of Jesus is false and Jesus himself may never have existed (see Nailed by David Fitzgerald for a full write-up on this).  Had Jesus existed and followed the old laws, all of mankind would have ended because no child would make it to adulthood.

Numbers – Chapter 32: The Transjordan Tribes

In our last look into Numbers (Chapter 31), God ordered the Israelites to slaughter another tribe.  In addition to the mass killing of all male adults and non-virgin females, 32,000 virgins and male children were captured and raped.  You may barf now.  Will God apologize in Numbers 32?  Don’t hold your breath because you will pass out first.

“Moses said to the Gadites and Reubenites, ‘Should your fellow Israelites go to war while you sit here? Why do you discourage the Israelites from crossing over into the land the Lord has given them?’” – Numbers 32:6-7

Maybe the Gadites and Reubenites want to live a peaceful life?  And is it really war when you are slaughtering everyone to death and/or raping the virgins?  Moses tells a story of the previous generation that disobeyed God in a similar way.

“The Lord’s anger was aroused that day and he swore this oath: ‘Because they have not followed me wholeheartedly, not one of those who were twenty years old or more when they came up out of Egypt will see the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—not one except Caleb son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite and Joshua son of Nun, for they followed the Lord wholeheartedly.’ The Lord’s anger burned against Israel and he made them wander in the wilderness forty years, until the whole generation of those who had done evil in his sight was gone.” – Numbers 32:10-13

The moral of this story?  Obey God in His command to slaughter innocent people or He will slaughter you.

“And here you are, a brood of sinners, standing in the place of your fathers and making the Lord even more angry with Israel.” – Numbers 32:14

I’m sorry, but who’s the sinner?  The people looking for peace or the God commanding the slaughter of innocents?  The men asking for peace agree to go to war as long as their women are allowed to stay behind.

“The Gadites and Reubenites answered, ‘Your servants will do what the Lord has said. We will cross over before the Lord into Canaan armed, but the property we inherit will be on this side of the Jordan.’” – Numbers 32:31-32

These people did what they were supposed to do and Moses gave them the requested land.  In other words, no, God did not apologize for the mass slaughter in the previous chapter.  In fact, God buckles down.  The act of asking for peace is a sin in the eyes of God!  He was set to punish those who didn’t continue on with his commanded slaughter of innocents.  Yep, lots of good morals to live one’s life by here.

Coming Soon:  Numbers – Chapter 33: Stages in Israel’s Journey

To Capitalize God or Not?

Should Atheists capitalize the word ‘God’ if it is used to refer to the single god of the Bible?  If you’ve read any of my blog posts you’ll see that I capitalize it if I’m referring to the god of the Bible.  Should I?  I don’t know.  Should you capitalize something that doesn’t exist?  To be frank, I capitalize the word to make sure there’s no confusion on the meaning of my use of the word god.  If I’m referring to many gods or a god in general, I don’t capitalize it.  I only capitalize it when using it to refer to the god of the Bible.

Part of me wishes I had never capitalized the word when I started this blog, but to change this I’d have to go through every post which I am simply not doing.  I’m blabbing now, so let me know your thoughts.

Psalms – Chapter 90: A prayer of Moses the man of God

If you’re wondering why I’m discussing a chapter of Psalms in the middle of discussing the book of Numbers, let me explain.  I’m attempting to discuss the Bible in what is considered chronological order.  The chapters of Psalms cover many time periods.  In the future you’ll see a few chapters of Psalms scattered throughout my other discussions.  Today I’m looking at Psalms 90.

“We are consumed by your anger

    and terrified by your indignation.” – Psalms 90:7

Because ruling with fear and anger is a great way to be a successful leader.

“Our days may come to seventy years,

    or eighty, if our strength endures;” – Psalms 90:10

Or 120 years, 600 years, 900 years.  Don’t worry, God isn’t concerned with consistency in the Bible.

“If only we knew the power of your anger!

    Your wrath is as great as the fear that is your due.” – Psalms 90:11

Really?  I think we have a good grasp of God’s anger.  Do something He doesn’t like and He punishes you, often with death.

“Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,

    for as many years as we have seen trouble.” – Psalms 90:15

And herein lies the problem with the message(s) of the Bible.  Life is full of troubles.  We are to accept God afflicting us with pain and agony?  Why?  Because God loves us.  WTF?

To conclude Psalms 90, God is an angry god who fills our lives with pain and agony.  But guess what, He really does love us!  Now where’s that barf back when I need it?

Coming Soon:  Numbers – Chapter 32:  The Transjordan Tribes

Numbers – Chapter 31: Vengeance on the Midianites

After trashing women for a bit, the Bible, in Numbers 31, goes back to the killing of people who are not Israelites.

“The Lord said to Moses, ‘Take vengeance on the Midianites for the Israelites. After that, you will be gathered to your people.’” – Numbers 31:1-2

Why?  Because.

“They fought against Midian, as the Lord commanded Moses, and killed every man.” – Numbers 31:7


“The Israelites captured the Midianite women and children and took all the Midianite herds, flocks and goods as plunder.” – Numbers 31:9

I’m sure the Israelites, under the command of God, will treat these women and children with respect.  Yeah, right.

“Moses was angry with the officers of the army—the commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds—who returned from the battle.” – Numbers 31:14

Okay, Moses is coming to his senses and is upset at this senseless slaughter.  That must be it.

“’Have you allowed all the women to live?’ he asked them.  ‘They were the ones who followed Balaam’s advice and enticed the Israelites to be unfaithful to the Lord in the Peor incident, so that a plague struck the Lord’s people. Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.’” – Numbers 31:15-18

OMFG!!!  Moses is mad because too much mercy is showm!  Now the slutty whores are to be murdered along with the male children.  Only the virgins are to be ‘saved’ and by saved I mean raped.  Biblical morals.

“The Lord said to Moses, ‘You and Eleazar the priest and the family heads of the community are to count all the people and animals that were captured. Divide the spoils equally between the soldiers who took part in the battle and the rest of the community.’” – Numbers 31:25:27

In case you thought Moses was acting against God’s wishes in the slaughter, you are wrong.  The above verses make it clear that God supports this and even gives rules on who the spoils should be divided.  FUCK YOU GOD!!!

“The plunder remaining from the spoils that the soldiers took was 675,000 sheep, 72,000 cattle, 61,000 donkeys and 32,000 women who had never slept with a man.” – Numbers 31:32-35

Disgusting.  There were 32,000 women ‘saved’, cough, cough, raped!  All in the name of God!

This chapter is fucking disgusting!  God commands Moses to slaughter another tribe of people and then rape 32,000 women after killing all of the male children.  If Christians would read their so-called holy book word for word, many would turn away from Christianity.  You can’t apologize away rape commanded by the word of God.  Disgusting.

Coming Soon:  Psalms – Chapter 90:  A prayer of Moses the man of God

Revelation 2:20-23

It’s crazy Bible verse Tuesday and I’m continuing to focus on the words of Jesus.  There’s a lot of crazy in the Old Testament, but it’s important to note that the crazy does not stop in the New Testament.  Here’s a bit from Jesus in Revelation.

“Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. I have given her time to repent of her immorality, but she is unwilling. So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways. I will strike her children dead.” – Revelation 2:20-23

Let me put a little bit of context behind this.  In Revelation, Jesus is giving John a message that he writes down.  This particular message is given to John to be given to the church of Thyatira.

There’s several problems with these few verses.  First, Jezebel is supposedly distracting the men.  Really?  Can the men not control their urges?  Those men make their own choices.  If they are choosing to be sexually immoral and eating the wrong food, that is their choice.  Jezebel is not making them do this.  Second, Jesus/God is going punish Jezebel for the actions of the men?  I guess Jesus hates women too.  Third, Jesus/God is going to kill Jezebel’s children.  What the hell did her children do?  Her children are innocent!  Just like God, the Son of God, Jesus, is an immoral bastard who kills innocents.