Deuteronomy – Chapter 10: Tablets Like the First Ones

In Deuteronomy 9 Moses re-tells the story of going up on the mountain to receive the two tablets of laws from God.  Upon descending the mountain, Moses is upset with the Israelites and throws down the tablets, literally breaking God’s laws.  It appears Moses will tell the story of the second set of tablets in this chapter.

“I will write on the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke. Then you are to put them in the ark.” – Deuteronomy 10:2

Moses literally breaks God’s laws and God is like, meh, I’ll just make some new ones.  Yet touch the wrong thing at the wrong time and death to you!!!

“And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord’s commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?” – Deuteronomy 10:12-13

No one who truly loves you asks you to fear them.  God does not love anyone.  He simply wants to command and toy with his supposed creations.  Love is not part of the equation.

“Circumcise your hearts, therefore, and do not be stiff-necked any longer.” – Deuteronomy 10:16

And don’t forget to circumcise you dick.  God almost killed Moses for Moses not having circumcised his son (Exodus 4:25)!!!

“For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes.” – Deuteronomy 10:17

Shows no partiality?  Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?  The Israelites!  THE ISRAELITES!!!!  Un-fucking-believable!!!

“He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.” – Deuteronomy 10:18

Again, WTF?!?!  God kills most of the foreigners!!!  Sure, there are a few verses in which the Israelites are taught to respect foreigners, but the whole story of the Israelites reaching the promised land is about killing and raping foreigners!

Deuteronomy 10 is a very frustrating chapter due to the many blatant contradictions.  No partiality?  Loving foreigners?  Sigh.  Time to check into the hospital as I think I have a concussion after banging my head on the desk for the last 15 minutes!

Coming Soon:  Deuteronomy – Chapter 11:  Love and Obey the Lord

Mark 12:18-25

It’s crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  Today’s verses came to my attention through the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible Website.  I originally discussed Mark 12:19 going back several months, but let’s take a look at the preceding and following verses.

“Then the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. ‘Teacher,’ they said, ‘Moses wrote for us that if a man’s brother dies and leaves a wife but no children, the man must marry the widow and raise up offspring for his brother. Now there were seven brothers. The first one married and died without leaving any children.  The second one married the widow, but he also died, leaving no child. It was the same with the third. In fact, none of the seven left any children. Last of all, the woman died too.  At the resurrection whose wife will she be, since the seven were married to her?’ Jesus replied, ‘Are you not in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God?  When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.’” – Mark 12:18-25

Let me ignore the first couple of verses as I’ve already discussed them previously and focus on the remaining verses.  As the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible Website notes, these verses imply that there is no marriage or sex in heaven.

“When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.”

No sex in heaven?  What the hell???  Why?  What’s the point of heaven if there’s no sex?  I realize sex isn’t the end all be all of life, but it plays a very important role in pretty much everyone’s life at some point.  Why would God remove sexual relations from heaven?  Maybe it’s just me, but if there’s no sex in heaven, please send me to hell!  A heaven without sex sounds like a Christian hell!!!

Deuteronomy – Chapter 9: Not Because of Israel’s Righteousness

I’m continuing to slog through Deuteronomy.  In the last chapter we learned that you MUST obey God in everything, regardless of the morality of God’s commands.  Chapter 9 has an interesting title so let’s find out what it has to say.

“But be assured today that the Lord your God is the one who goes across ahead of you like a devouring fire. He will destroy them; he will subdue them before you. And you will drive them out and annihilate them quickly, as the Lord has promised you.” – Deuteronomy 9:3

Ah, more death and destruction.  In other words, a continuation of what we’ve already read.

“No, it is on account of the wickedness of these nations that the Lord is going to drive them out before you.” – Deuteronomy 9:4

In what way are these nations wicked?  We’re never told.  It sounds like God chose the Israelites and simply decided that his other “creations” are wicked because they are not the Israelites.  Way to parent God.

“From the day you left Egypt until you arrived here, you have been rebellious against the Lord.” – Deuteronomy 9:7

Yes, because how dare the Israelites question an invisible god.

“Then the Lord told me, ‘Go down from here at once, because your people whom you brought out of Egypt have become corrupt. They have turned away quickly from what I commanded them and have made an idol for themselves.’” – Deuteronomy 9:12

Don’t get me wrong, worshiping an idol statue is stupid, but it makes more sense than worshiping an invisible god that has done little but punish and destroy.

“So I took the two tablets and threw them out of my hands, breaking them to pieces before your eyes.” – Deuteronomy 9:17

God prevents Moses from entering the promised land, but it’s not for breaking the tablets.  Moses literally breaks God’s laws and is not punished.  God simply makes a new set.  Moses is punished for the acts of the Israelites that were out of Moses’ control.

“I feared the anger and wrath of the Lord, for he was angry enough with you to destroy you. But again the Lord listened to me.” – Deuteronomy 9:19

It has always amazed me that believers look at God as omnipotent and all-knowing.  Yet a mere mortal is able to change God’s mind.  Abraham did the same thing in Genesis.  Who is really the more powerful person/being in the Bible?  Abraham?  Moses?  God?  Hard to tell.

“Remember your servants Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Overlook the stubbornness of this people, their wickedness and their sin.” – Deuteronomy 9:27

This supposed god is the creator of all.  Any stubbornness or wickedness is his fault as he created it.  He’s getting mad at others for things he did.

To sum up Deuteronomy 9, God is great and the Israelites are a big pile of steaming shit.  God loves people?  Hardly!  This is the exact opposite of love.

Coming Soon:  Deuteronomy – Chapter 10:  Tablets Like the First Ones

Deuteronomy – Chapter 8: Do Not Forget the Lord

We just finished reading through a chapter in which the take away message was “Kill em!  Kill em all!!”  Can Deuteronomy 8 top that?  Let’s find out.

“Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the Lord promised on oath to your ancestors.” – Deuteronomy 8:1

I love that the first part of this verse is “follow every command…so that you may live…”  ROFL!!!

“Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the Lord promised on oath to your ancestors.” – Deuteronomy 8:2

Translation:  I just wanted to fuck with you!

“Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years.” – Deuteronomy 8:4

Bullshit!  Clothes not wearing out?  Feet now swelling in the desert?  Hardly the truth.

“Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.” – Deuteronomy 8:5

What?  A man is supposed to discipline his son by killing him?  No, of course not.  Therefore man is more moral than this god.

“For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.” – Deuteronomy 8:7-9

A land already occupied by other people God demanded to be slaughtered and raped.

“But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.” – Deuteronomy 8:18

And the ability to slaughter innocent people.

“Like the nations the Lord destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the Lord your God.” – Deuteronomy 8:20

Translation:  I am God.  Don’t fuck with me.

So what did we learn in Deuteronomy 8?  We learned that God demands you obey him in EVERYTHING!  Even if those demands lead to immoral acts, you must still obey God.  To disobey God in any little thing will result in your destruction.  How nice.  🙂

Coming Soon:  Deuteronomy – Chapter 9:  Not Because of Israel’s Righteousness

Deuteronomy – Chapter 7: Driving Out the Nations

In our last chapter, Deuteronomy 6, we learned that God rules with fear.  In this chapter we learn about how the Israelites are to drive out nations.  Sounds like a peaceful chapter, right?  🙂

“When the Lord your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations—the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, seven nations larger and stronger than you—and when the Lord your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy.” – Deuteronomy 7:1-2

Kill em!  Kill em all!!!

“Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.” – Deuteronomy 7:3-4

Uh…they’ve already been destroyed?  Why are laws needed against intermarriage if the previous law was to destroy them?

“The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to your ancestors that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt.” – Deuteronomy 7:7-8

God loves the Israelites by requiring them to fear him.  Oh, and for the thousandth time, God HARDENDED THE PHAROAH’S HEART!!!  God is not innocent.  God is the cause of the Israelites enslavement in Egypt.

“The Lord will keep you free from every disease.” – Deuteronomy 7:15

Bullshit.  This is proof God doesn’t exist because all peoples/nations suffer from some disease of some kind.  Oh yeah, I guess they “didn’t pray hard enough.”

“You must destroy all the peoples the Lord your God gives over to you.” – Deuteronomy 7:16

Kill em!  Kill em all!!!

“But do not be afraid of them; remember well what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt.” – Deuteronomy 7:18

Yes, I do remember.  God hardened the hearts of the Egyptians.

“You saw with your own eyes the great trials, the signs and wonders, the mighty hand and outstretched arm, with which the Lord your God brought you out.” – Deuteronomy 7:19

No you didn’t.  God hid behind the clouds and in a fire, never showing his face.  Or shall I say, Moses hid behind clouds and in a fire.

“Do not be terrified by them, for the Lord your God, who is among you, is a great and awesome God.” – Deuteronomy 7:21


“He will give their kings into your hand, and you will wipe out their names from under heaven. No one will be able to stand up against you; you will destroy them.” – Deuteronomy 7:24

Kill em!  Kill em all!!!

How best to sum up Deuteronomy 7?  Easy, it can be done in five simple words:  Kill em!  Kill em all!!!  🙂

Coming Soon:  Deuteronomy – Chapter 8:  Do Not Forget the Lord

Judges 19:25-26

It’s Tuesday and I do so love Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!  Will I ever run out of crazy Bible verses?  At some point, yes, but that point is FAR into the future!  Let’s take a look at today’s crazy Bible verse.

“But the men would not listen to him. So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. At daybreak the woman went back to the house where her master was staying, fell down at the door and lay there until daylight.” – Judges 19:25-26

Wow!  What a loving story the Bible shares with us!  It teaches us some great morals on how to treat women.  That’s right, toss them out for the night and let them be raped all night long!  Disgusting!  And yet the Bible is filled with verses such as these in which women are trashed and treated as worthless!

Deuteronomy – Chapter 6: Love the Lord Your God

I love the title of Deuteronomy 6.  Love the Lord Your God.  Yes, because if you don’t, he will kill you!!!  You know someone truly loves you when they will literally kill you if you don’t love them back in the most perfect way.  🙂

“These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life.” – Deuteronomy 6:1-2

Yes, because nothing says love more than requiring someone to fear you.

“Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” – Deuteronomy 6:7

Translation:  Indoctrinate the shit out of them while they’re young so they’ll fear the make believe sky daddy too!

“When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.” – Deuteronomy 6:10-12

Exactly!  The Israelites didn’t build this land!  Other people did.  People God commanded to be slaughtered for no reason other than the fact they were there first and God was pissy about it.

“Fear the Lord your God…” – Deuteronomy 6:13

More fear.

“Do what is right and good in the Lord’s sight, so that it may go well with you…” – Deuteronomy 6:18

And don’t forget that murdering innocent people in the name of God is good in the Lord’s sight.  🙂

“The Lord commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear the Lord our God, so that we might always prosper and be kept alive, as is the case today.” – Deuteronomy 6:24

Except, of course, the Israelites God killed and Moses, who God refused to enter the promised land.

What did we learn in Deuteronomy 6?  We learned it is important to follow God’s laws very carefully even if they result in the slaughter of innocents.  A perfect Israelite must FEAR God in order to receive God’s love.  A sane, just creator?  Hardly!

Coming Soon:  Deuteronomy – Chapter 7:  Driving Out the Nations