Deuteronomy 28:56-57

Yeehaw!  It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!  Today’s verse comes from the book of Deuteronomy and one I discussed as part of a chapter a few days ago.  It was so crazy that I decided I must discuss it separately on Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday.  Here it is.

“The most gentle and sensitive woman among you—so sensitive and gentle that she would not venture to touch the ground with the sole of her foot—will begrudge the husband she loves and her own son or daughter the afterbirth from her womb and the children she bears. For in her dire need she intends to eat them secretly because of the suffering your enemy will inflict on you during the siege of your cities.” – Deuteronomy 28:56-57

To provide a bit of context, God is describing the things he will do if you don’t follow him.  There are several verses in this chapter on cannibalism, including this one.  God will cause women to eat their own babies and following the birth, eat the afterbirth.  What…the…fuck?!?!?!  This is fucking crazy!  It’s crazy for a couple of reasons.  For starters, the innocent babies are being punished for something the parents did.  Regardless of whether what the parents did was justified or not, the children should not be punished.  Second, the children are punished by being EATEN by their parents!  Third, the mom then eats the afterbirth!!!

I’d go back to church if these two verses were the focus of a sermon!  🙂

Update:  I forget to add verse 57 when originally posted.  Fixed about 3 hours after posting.

Deuteronomy – Chapter 30: Prosperity After Turning to the Lord

We learned in the last chapter that God NEVER forgives.  This chapter takes a look at prosperity, so you know it’s going to be good.  🙂

“…and when you and your children return to the Lord your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you.” – Deuteronomy 30:2-3

A direct contradiction to the last chapter in which it was stated that God never forgives.

“But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.” – Deuteronomy 30:17-18

A direct contradiction to the contradiction earlier in this chapter.  God cannot forgive you if he destroys and kills you for doing wrong.

“Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.” – Deuteronomy 30:19-20

Another jab at innocent children.  If you screw up, God will punish your children.

When I first read the title of this chapter I was thinking in terms of money riches.  I was wrong.  Follow God and you will be prosperous is the theme of this chapter.  Unfortunately the chapter starts with a contradiction and a few verses later contradicts that contradiction!!!  Sheesh!

Coming Soon:  Deuteronomy – Chapter 31:  Joshua to Succeed Moses

Bi Any Means Podcast

Another great Atheist podcast to add to your list is the Bi Any Means Podcast.  This podcast is hosted by Trav Mamone, a self-described “thirty-something bisexual gender-queer (they/them, please) secular humanist.”  I’m relatively new to this podcast having just recently come across it, but I love it!  It’s an Atheist podcast coming from a different angle as it focuses Atheist issues from a bi-sexual perspective.  I admire Trav’s courage and hope they continue this podcast for some time to come.

I highly encourage you to check out this podcast.  If you don’t have much experience with those in the LGBT community, you will definitely learn something positive from listening!

Deuteronomy – Chapter 29: Renewal of the Covenant

So Deuteronomy 28 was one fucked up chapter.  Parents were eating their children.  Mothers were eating the afterbirth.  Fucked…up.  Let’s take a dive into Deuteronomy 29 to see if it follows the same theme or switches topics.

“Your eyes have seen all that the Lord did in Egypt to Pharaoh, to all his officials and to all his land.  With your own eyes you saw those great trials, those signs and great wonders.” – Deuteronomy 29:2-3

Moses states this to the Israelites.  Actually God has NOT shown himself to the people of Israel.

“But to this day the Lord has not given you a mind that understands or eyes that see or ears that hear.” – Deuteronomy 29:4

Well how convenient.  In other words, the Bible tells us God doesn’t exist.

“You yourselves know how we lived in Egypt and how we passed through the countries on the way here.” – Deuteronomy 29:16

All because God hardened the hearts of the Egyptians.

“The Lord will never be willing to forgive them,” – Deuteronomy 29:20

This is the god people worship?  A god who introduced evil into the world?  A god who makes it impossible for people to never sin?  A god, who despite doing all of this, turns around and says he will never forgive you if you do wrong?  Why again is this god worshiped?

“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.” – Deuteronomy 29:29

Secret things belong to God?  I guess this is where the so called God of the Gaps argument comes from.  If we don’t have the answer, then God must hold the secret.  Again, how convenient.

Deuteronomy 29 wasn’t as horrible as Deuteronomy 28, but it still contained several nonsense verses and verses that describe a downright evil god.  The god of the Bible, as described in this chapter NEVER forgives you.  NEVER!  Is that love?  No.  Love requires forgiveness for we all do wrong at times.  Even the evilest of evil people on earth has some forgiveness in them.  But not God.

Coming Soon:  Deuteronomy – Chapter 30:  Prosperity After Turning to the Lord

Deuteronomy – Chapter 28: Blessings for Obedience

Deuteronomy 28 is a long chapter so I’m going to jump right into it.

“If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth.” – Deuteronomy 28:1

I know I’m sounding like a broken record, but I’ll say it again, those commands include the raping and murdering of innocent people, including small children and babies.  What a moral god the Israelites follow.

“Then all the peoples on earth will see that you are called by the name of the Lord, and they will fear you.” – Deuteronomy 28:10

A parent who rules their child(ren) with fear is committing child abuse.  God rules with fear.  He is nothing but an abuser.

“The fruit of your womb will be cursed, and the crops of your land, and the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.” – Deuteronomy 28:18

The Bible next starts looking at the curses God will place on you if you disobey.  He will curse the fruit of your womb (your unborn baby).  Does that mean God will cause an abortion?  Is God in support of abortion?  Or, if the baby is born, is the baby punished for the mother/father’s deeds?  What kind of god would punish an innocent baby?

“The Lord will strike you with wasting disease, with fever and inflammation, with scorching heat and drought, with blight and mildew, which will plague you until you perish.” – Deuteronomy 28:22

These punishments are not minor either.  These punishments are often a slow, painful death.  Don’t make a minor mistake in disobeying God’s laws for he will smite you down with vengeance.  Are you truly sorry for what you did?  Too bad, should have thought of that while you were living.

“You will be pledged to be married to a woman, but another will take her and rape her.” – Deuteronomy 28:30

WTF?  So if a man does wrong, the woman is punished by rape?  What…the…fuck?

“Your sons and daughters will be given to another nation, and you will wear out your eyes watching for them day after day, powerless to lift a hand.” – Deuteronomy 28:32

This is another WTF moment.  What did the sons and daughters do?  Nothing!  They are being punished for the sins (supposed) of the father!

“You will have sons and daughters but you will not keep them, because they will go into captivity.” – Deuteronomy 28:41

God is serious about punishing the children as he mentions punishments for the sons and daughters twice!

“…and he will not give to one of them any of the flesh of his children that he is eating.”  – Deuteronomy 28:55

OMFG!?!?!  Now God has people EATING the sons and daughters!!!  You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!

“The most gentle and sensitive woman among you—so sensitive and gentle that she would not venture to touch the ground with the sole of her foot—will begrudge the husband she loves and her own son or daughter the afterbirth from her womb and the children she bears.” – Deuteronomy 28:56-57

More attacks on the sons and daughters who are innocent bystanders.  Even the afterbirth of a birth and the new born baby are begrudged!  Holy shit!

“For in her dire need she intends to eat them secretly because of the suffering your enemy will inflict on you during the siege of your cities.”  – Deuteronomy 28:57

Holy fuckity fuck fuck fuck!  Now the mom is eating the afterbirth and the baby!!!  Jesus fucking christ!

“Then the Lord will scatter you among all nations, from one end of the earth to the other. There you will worship other gods—gods of wood and stone, which neither you nor your ancestors have known.” – Deuteronomy 28:64

Wait, so this god is so concerned about people worshiping idols that he sends people off to worship idols?  Seriously???

Wow!  Simply wow!  Deuteronomy 28 is filled with some CRAZY!!!  Children and babies are punished.  The afterbirth is punished!!!  Fathers and mothers are eating their children!!!  Seriously?  This is a god that a few billion people in the world worship???  You’ve got to be kidding me?  Read the Bible and learn the crazy for yourself!  Open your eyes!  God, as a punishment, has innocent children and babies eaten by their parents!  Is that a god worthy of your worship?  Fuck no!!!

Coming Soon:  Deuteronomy – Chapter 29:  Renewal of the Covenant

Esther 2:2-4

It’s crazy Bible verse Tuesday and this week’s topic is sex, marriage, and misogyny.

“Then the king’s personal attendants proposed, ‘Let a search be made for beautiful young virgins for the king. Let the king appoint commissioners in every province of his realm to bring all these beautiful young women into the harem at the citadel of Susa. Let them be placed under the care of Hegai, the king’s eunuch, who is in charge of the women; and let beauty treatments be given to them. Then let the young woman who pleases the king be queen instead of Vashti.’ This advice appealed to the king, and he followed it.” – Esther 2:2-4

The king needs a new bride, so several virgins are brought forth before him for him to choose one.  Does the woman have a choice?  Nope.  On top of that, the women are not presented straight to the king on arrival.  They are first given beauty treatments.  Apparently they were not beautiful enough for the king and therefore needed more beauty treatments to be presentable to the king.

The virgin chosen is Esther.  This verse is not a direct command from God, but God does nothing to stop it.  Combine this with God’s other commands in the Bible that do support misogyny and raping of women and you have yourself one screwed up “creator”.

Deuteronomy – Chapter 27: The Altar on Mount Ebal

There wasn’t too much to report in the last chapter.  This chapter, Deuteronomy 27, brings us back to Mount Ebal.

“And when you have crossed the Jordan, set up these stones on Mount Ebal, as I command you today, and coat them with plaster.” – Deuteronomy 27:4

On the stones are written the laws God has commanded.  Also Mount Ebal is to be used for sacrifices.

“Cursed is anyone who makes an idol—a thing detestable to the Lord, the work of skilled hands—and sets it up in secret.”  Deuteronomy 27:15

Why is an all-powerful god so worried about an idol?

“Cursed is anyone who kills their neighbor secretly.” – Deuteronomy 27:24

Um…why is the word ‘secretly’ in this verse?  Are you not cursed if you kill your neighbor in a non-secret way?

“Cursed is anyone who accepts a bribe to kill an innocent person.” – Deuteronomy 27:25

In other words, ALL of the Israelites are cursed for they accepted a bribe from God and killed many innocent people.

There were several other curses in this chapter, but I just pointed out a few that stuck out to me.  There were several on what the Bible considers immoral sexual relations, but we’ve gone over that before so I left it out.  I encourage you to read the chapter if you want the full list.

Coming Soon:  Deuteronomy – Chapter 28:  Blessings for Obedience

Deuteronomy – Chapter 26: Firstfruits and Tithes

In the last chapter we learned that a woman must not grab her husband’s assailant’s dick and balls.  Yes, that is a real rule in the Bible!  Can Deuteronomy 26 top that?  Let’s find out.  The chapter begins with a command to bring the first fruits of the harvest to the priest as a dedication to God.

“But the Egyptians mistreated us and made us suffer, subjecting us to harsh labor.” – Deuteronomy 26:6

No, no, no, a thousand times no!  God hardened the hearts of the Egyptians.  God is the one who mistreated the Israelites, not the Egyptians.

“He brought us to this place and gave us this land, a land flowing with milk and honey…” – Deuteronomy 26:9

And in the process many, many innocent people were slaughtered and raped.

“When you have finished setting aside a tenth of all your produce in the third year, the year of the tithe, you shall give it to the Levite, the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow, so that they may eat in your towns and be satisfied.” – Deuteronomy 26:12

Okay, helping others is a good thing, but a god is not needed for society to help others.

“I have obeyed the Lord my God; I have done everything you commanded me.” – Deuteronomy 26:14

Including the slaughtering and raping of innocent people.

That does it for this chapter.  A few more verses on the need to praise God and God taking care of the Israelites.  Yeah, right.  Everything ties back to the Egyptians when God hardened their hearts.  If God doesn’t do that, the entire story of the Bible unravels.  Since a just god would never do this, the story of the Bible is just that.  A fiction story that isn’t all that good.

Coming Soon:  Deuteronomy – Chapter 27:  The Altar on Mount Ebal

Deuteronomy – Chapter 25: Miscellaneous Laws II

Deuteronomy 25 continues with miscellaneous laws from God.  Let’s see what he has to say.

“If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her.” – Deuteronomy 25:5

Five verses in and we have misogyny.  The woman has no choice.  She has to marry her brother-in-law and have sex with him.  Sigh.

“However, if a man does not want to marry his brother’s wife, she shall go to the elders at the town gate and say, ‘My husband’s brother refuses to carry on his brother’s name in Israel. He will not fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to me.’ Then the elders of his town shall summon him and talk to him. If he persists in saying, “I do not want to marry her,” his brother’s widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, take off one of his sandals, spit in his face and say, “This is what is done to the man who will not build up his brother’s family line.” – Deuteronomy 25:7-9

Granted the man gets spit on, but he has a choice in the matter.  The woman does not.

“If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.” – Deuteronomy 25:11-12

ROFL!  This was a crazy bible verse Tuesday topic several months ago.  What more can I say?  God makes it clear that when two men are fighting, the wife cannot grab the assailant’s dick or balls.  ROFL!!!

“Do not have two differing weights in your bag—one heavy, one light. Do not have two differing measures in your house—one large, one small.” – Deuteronomy 25:13-14

Uh…sure.

Rules to live by, right?  No?  Then you just don’t understand the importance of putting women down.  J  Seriously though.  A window must marry her brother-in-law.  A woman is not allowed to grab an assailant’s dick and balls.  Biblical morals.

Coming Soon:  Deuteronomy – Chapter 26:  Firstfruits and Tithes

Leviticus 26:29

For this week’s crazy Bible verse I continue with the theme of God commanding the killing of children.  Morbid?  Yes.  Biblically accurate?  Also yes.

“You will eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters.” – Leviticus 26:29

This is not the only verse in the Bible discussing the eating of children.  I previously discussed Jeremiah 19:9 on a crazy bible verse Tuesday.

There’s not much to say here.  The crazy is quite obvious.  This verse is in response to God commanding you to obey him.  If you don’t, he will make you eat your children.  Which is funny as yesterday I discussed Deuteronomy 24 in which God says:

“Parents are not to be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their parents; each will die for their own sin.” – Deuteronomy 24:16

I guess eating your children is exempt from this command.  🙂