Joshua – Chapter 12: List of Defeated Kings

In our last look in Joshua, God was leading the Israelites on a rampage through the northern part of the promised land, murdering EVERYONE!!!  This chapter, Chapter 12, is a list of defeated kings.  In other words, it’s a brag list of kills by God and Joshua.

“These are the kings of the land whom the Israelites had defeated and whose territory they took over east of the Jordan, from the Arnon Gorge to Mount Hermon, including all the eastern side of the Arabah:” – Joshua 12:1

Seriously, this chapter is nothing but a list of dead kings.

“…thirty-one kings in all.” – Joshua 12:24

God and Joshua murdered thirty-one kings and all of the people of the land.  As we learned in the last chapter, God had to harden the hearts of these people.  What’s more disgusting than killing a bunch of people who had no choice in the matter?  Bragging about it afterwards.  This is the very definition of Biblical morals.  Kill the innocents.

Coming Soon:  Joshua – Chapter 13:  Land Still to Be Taken

Joshua 10:13-14

Today’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday verse comes from Joshua 10, a chapter I wrote about just a couple of days ago.  These two verses stuck out as very anti-science.

“The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the Lord listened to a human being. Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel!” – Joshua 10:13-14

The Sun stopped in the sky?  First of all, the Sun is not moving around the Earth.  Earth moves around the Sun.  The rotation of Earth on its own axis makes it appear as if the Sun moves across the sky.  Let’s look further into how ridiculous this is.  For the Sun to stop ‘moving’, the Earth most stop rotating on its own axis.  That’s the only way for this event to happen.  If you’re standing on the surface of the Earth during biblical times, you are standing pretty close to Earth’s equator.  Earth rotates once on its axis every 24 hours and the circumference at the equator is 24,901 miles.  So how fast are you moving if you are standing on the equator?  You don’t appear to be moving, but you are moving with the Earth.  Your velocity is the distance traveled divided by the time.

Velocity = distance/time = (24,901)/(24) = 1,037 miles per hour

Wow!  That’s an incredible speed!  If Earth stopped rotating your body would continue moving at this velocity.  This is inertia.  This means you’d be drug along the ground, smashing into buildings, trees, mountains, etc.  This assumes the trees and mountains would stay in the ground.  These objects too would act to continue moving and may rip out of the ground.  In other words, you’d die.

But let’s say you stay rooted to the ground by some unknown force that we’ll call the “God force” because it would take an act of a “god” for this to happen.  You’d survive, right?  Nope!  Let’s say God stops the Earth in 1 second.  What force acts on your body?  First find your acceleration.

Acceleration = change in velocity/time = (1,037 miles per hour)/(1 sec) = (463.5 m/s)/(1 sec) = 463.5 m/s/s

I converted miles per hour to meters per second.  If you don’t believe me, check the math.  The acceleration of gravity is 9.81 m/s/s.  This means the number of g-forces acting on your body is:

(463.5)/(9.81) ~ 47

That’s a lot of g-forces.  Can the human survive this?  If it is a vertical force, no.  If it is a horizontal force, possibly, although some people will die and many others will pass out.  If the time to stop the Earth is even less, the g-forces go even higher.

In other words, it’s absolutely ridiculous to think the Earth stopped rotating.  Then again, if you believe in talking snakes and donkeys, I suppose Earth stopping doesn’t phase you.

Joshua – Chapter 11: Northern Kings Defeated

We continue through the book of Joshua this week which means the destruction and slaughter of the people already living in the “promised land” continues.  In this chapter Joshua moves from the south to the north to slaughter more people.

“They came out with all their troops and a large number of horses and chariots—a huge army, as numerous as the sand on the seashore.  All these kings joined forces and made camp together at the Waters of Merom to fight against Israel.” – Joshua 11:4-5

Can you blame these kings?  They just saw Joshua and the Israelites destroy the people of the south for no other reason than they lived in the land Joshua wanted.  God, who leads Joshua, is a huge bully.  That’s it.  A dangerous bully that kills those he picks on.

“The Lord said to Joshua, ‘Do not be afraid of them, because by this time tomorrow I will hand all of them, slain, over to Israel. You are to hamstring their horses and burn their chariots.’” – Joshua 11:6

God even has the horses put to death!

“They defeated them and pursued them all the way to Greater Sidon, to Misrephoth Maim, and to the Valley of Mizpah on the east, until no survivors were left.” – Joshua 11:8

No survivors, meaning the babies and children were killed too.

“The Israelites carried off for themselves all the plunder and livestock of these cities, but all the people they put to the sword until they completely destroyed them, not sparing anyone that breathed.” – Joshua 11:14

Kill all of the people and steal their stuff because it’s not really stealing if they’re dead!

“Except for the Hivites living in Gibeon, not one city made a treaty of peace with the Israelites, who took them all in battle.” – Joshua 11:19

Did the Israelites begin with a peaceful approach?  No.  And by ‘treaty’ what is really meant is slavery as that was the ‘treaty’ the Gibeonites had with the Israelites.

“For it was the Lord himself who hardened their hearts to wage war against Israel, so that he might destroy them totally, exterminating them without mercy, as the Lord had commanded Moses.” – Joshua 11:20

OMFG!!!  God is hardening the hearts of the tribes to force them to wage war against Israel?  Seriously?  How disgusting is this god?

“So Joshua took the entire land, just as the Lord had directed Moses, and he gave it as an inheritance to Israel according to their tribal divisions. Then the land had rest from war.” – Joshua 11:23

Well, everyone is dead so who is left to war against?

Joshua 11 brings out God’s true nature, if it wasn’t clear from earlier books/chapters.  God is a bloodthirsty war monger.  The people of the land don’t have free will.  God forces them to war against the Israelites to allow the Israelites to destroy them.  Babies and children are part of those murdered by God!  Sigh.  Absolutely disgusting.  This is the god a majority of the United States worships.  Disgusting.

Coming Soon:  Joshua – Chapter 12:  List of Defeated Kings

Joshua – Chapter 10: The Sun Stands Still

In the last chapter of Joshua the Gideonites tricked the Israelites in terms of where they live, but their lives were spared.  Why?  If I had to guess I would say it’s because men outnumbered women and children.  If the Gideonites were mostly women and children, they’d have been destroyed.  The Bible is not fond of women and children.  This chapter is titled “The Sun Stands Still” so we can expect a heavy dose of anti-science.

“Then the five kings of the Amorites—the kings of Jerusalem, Hebron, Jarmuth, Lachish and Eglon—joined forces. They moved up with all their troops and took up positions against Gibeon and attacked it.” – Joshua 10:5

The other tribes are worried, as they should be given the slaughter the Israelites have committed against other tribes.  They are working on building a defense.

“As they fled before Israel on the road down from Beth Horon to Azekah, the Lord hurled large hailstones down on them, and more of them died from the hail than were killed by the swords of the Israelites.” – Joshua 10:11

God steps in and saves the day, although the Israelites were already winning this battle.  God kills more than the Israelites further proving God’s bloodlust.

“The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the Lord listened to a human being. Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel!” – Joshua 10:13-14

Oh give me a break!  For the Sun to stop moving in the sky the Earth must stop rotating on its axis.  If Earth did that, we would all die as a result of inertia.  Our bodies are moving with the Earth at a speed of 1,000 miles per hour at the equator.  If Earth stopped, our bodies would continue flying forward at 1,000 mph.  We’d crash along the ground or smash into buildings, all dying in the process.  So no, the Sun did not stop in the sky.  This is utter nonsense.

“Joshua said to them, ‘Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the Lord will do to all the enemies you are going to fight.’ Then Joshua put the kings to death and exposed their bodies on five poles, and they were left hanging on the poles until evening.” – Joshua 10:25-26

Including the babies and children!!!  Okay, this verse doesn’t say that, but given the precedent from earlier chapters of killing babies and children, it is implied here.

“That day Joshua took Makkedah. He put the city and its king to the sword and totally destroyed everyone in it. He left no survivors. And he did to the king of Makkedah as he had done to the king of Jericho.” – Joshua 10:29

More death and destruction that could all have been avoided had God simply given the Israelites an unoccupied land.  Christians believe that God knows all.  Either he doesn’t know all and didn’t see this coming or he does know all and still proceeded with a path of death and destruction.  Either way, not a god to worship.  Joshua next leads the Israelites from town to town, killing all inhabitants and destroying the towns.

“So Joshua subdued the whole region, including the hill country, the Negev, the western foothills and the mountain slopes, together with all their kings. He left no survivors. He totally destroyed all who breathed, just as the Lord, the God of Israel, had commanded. Joshua subdued them from Kadesh Barnea to Gaza and from the whole region of Goshen to Gibeon. All these kings and their lands Joshua conquered in one campaign, because the Lord, the God of Israel, fought for Israel.” – Joshua 10:40-42

All of this death in the name of God.  Disgusting.  Sickening.  This is the god Christians worship.  If it wasn’t clear already, Joshua 10 makes it absolutely clear that God is a blood thirsty evil being.  Satan is the bad guy?  Hardly.  God is the evil one in the Bible.

Coming Soon:  Joshua – Chapter 11:  Northern Kings Defeated

Joshua – Chapter 9: The Gibeonite Deception

After reading about the destruction of Ai, the book of Joshua moves on to a story of deception in Chapter 9.

“However, when the people of Gibeon heard what Joshua had done to Jericho and Ai, they resorted to a ruse: They went as a delegation whose donkeys were loaded[a] with worn-out sacks and old wineskins, cracked and mended. They put worn and patched sandals on their feet and wore old clothes. All the bread of their food supply was dry and moldy. Then they went to Joshua in the camp at Gilgal and said to him and the Israelites, ‘We have come from a distant country; make a treaty with us.’” – Joshua 9:3-6

The other nations of the land are ready to wage war against the Israelites.  The Gideons on the other hand are trying a different tactic.  They are trying to trick the Israelites.

“The Israelites sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the Lord. Then Joshua made a treaty of peace with them to let them live, and the leaders of the assembly ratified it by oath.” – Joshua 9:14-15

The Israelites are falling for the trick and God is nowhere to be found.  Typical of this god.

“Three days after they made the treaty with the Gibeonites, the Israelites heard that they were neighbors, living near them.” – Joshua 9:16

Shouldn’t the all-knowing God know the Gibeonites were close neighbors?  If he did, he’s playing a nasty game with the Israelites and their lives.

“The whole assembly grumbled against the leaders, but all the leaders answered, ‘We have given them our oath by the Lord, the God of Israel, and we cannot touch them now.’” – Joshua 9:18-19

The Israelites are okay with slaughtering babies and raping women, but breaking a promise to the Gibeonites who lied to them?  Nope, that’s immoral.  LOL!

“So Joshua saved them from the Israelites, and they did not kill them. That day he made the Gibeonites woodcutters and water carriers for the assembly, to provide for the needs of the altar of the Lord at the place the Lord would choose. And that is what they are to this day.” – Joshua 9:26-27

Let me get this straight.  Children are killed for the crimes of their parents.  Women are raped for being women.  But the Gibeonites, who deceived the Israelites and actually committed a ‘crime’, are punished by being wood cutters and water carriers?  Are you kidding me?!?!?!  And they are still doing this to this day?  No they are NOT!!!

Joshua 9 is a bit different in that lives are spared instead of destroyed.  It’s sickening to see that children and babies are murdered in the name of God for crimes they didn’t commit, but the Gideons are left to live.  Wow!!!  God really hates women, children, and babies!!!

Coming Soon:  Joshua – Chapter 10:  The Sun Stands Still

Matthew 1:18

For today’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday I decided to share a verse describing the birth of Jesus.

“This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit.” – Matthew 1:18

Yes, that’s right, Jesus is supposedly the result of a virgin birth.  There’s a lot of crazy in the Bible, but given the importance of this event in the Bible, this verse may be one of the craziest in the Bible.  Pregnant, but a virgin?  Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.  So what actually happened?  If we assume for a moment, and I don’t, that Jesus was real, and we assume, and I don’t, that Joseph and Mary were real, I think it’s pretty clear what happened.  Joseph and Mary had sex before marriage and didn’t use a sheepskin condom or didn’t pull out in time.  Joseph impregnated Mary and the two were shamed by society into covering up the truth.  Therefore they hatched this crazy story about God raping Mary.

If Jesus was real, which is the worse story?  Joseph and Mary having sex before marriage or God raping Mary?  Mary had no choice.  According to the Bible, God raped Mary.  You’ve got to love the moral the Bible teaches.  When a Christian asks you where you get your morals without God, respond with “you mean the moral of God raping Mary”.  Take a picture of their reaction!  🙂

Joshua – Chapter 8: Ai Destroyed

The book of Joshua is turning into a horrible book filled with death and destruction, all in the name of God.  In the last chapter we learned that God is okay with the killing of innocents, but if you touch his stuff, he gets crazy mad!  Let’s see what Chapter 8 has in store for us.  The chapter begins with God saying:

“You shall do to Ai and its king as you did to Jericho and its king, except that you may carry off their plunder and livestock for yourselves.” – Joshua 8:2

In other words, kill and rape the people already living in the land and then steal their stuff.  These are the morals the Bible teaches.

“When you have taken the city, set it on fire.” – Joshua 8:8

And if that’s not enough, the city is to be burned to the ground too!

“When Israel had finished killing all the men of Ai in the fields and in the wilderness where they had chased them, and when every one of them had been put to the sword, all the Israelites returned to Ai and killed those who were in it. Twelve thousand men and women fell that day—all the people of Ai. For Joshua did not draw back the hand that held out his javelin until he had destroyed all who lived in Ai.” – Joshua 8:24-26

In case it wasn’t clear before, EVERONE in Ai was killed, including babies and children.

“He impaled the body of the king of Ai on a pole and left it there until evening. At sunset, Joshua ordered them to take the body from the pole and throw it down at the entrance of the city gate. And they raised a large pile of rocks over it, which remains to this day.” – Joshua 8:29

Except the pile of rocks doesn’t remain to this day.

“There was not a word of all that Moses had commanded that Joshua did not read to the whole assembly of Israel, including the women and children, and the foreigners who lived among them.” – Joshua 8:35

That must have been an extremely long speech given all the rules, including the ones about raping your brother’s wife when he dies.  Okay, the word rape wasn’t used, but the woman has no choice, so yes, that’s rape.

Joshua 8 continues where the previous chapter left off.  Death, destruction, and by definition of God’s laws, rape.  Lovely.

Coming Soon:  Joshua – Chapter 9:  The Gibeonite Deception

Summer Sunday

Today is a summer Sunday.  Well, not officially since summer starts tomorrow, June 20, but close enough.  I think I’ll spend today going to church and worshipping the Lord.  Wait.  I’m an Atheist, so what the fuck am I thinking!?!?!  I’m going to make a cup of coffee, sit on the couch, and do some much deserved reading.  Maybe later in the day I’ll do a bit of yard work if the weather holds up.

Thinking back on my summers as a child, church is not something we ever did during the summer.  From September to May, my parents shipped me off to Sunday School, followed by church service, but when regular school ended, so did Sunday School and church.  Thinking back on those summers I find this so weird.  My parents were never super religious, but I wish I knew what they were thinking and how they rationalized skipping church in the summer.

I’ve never discussed religion with my parents and they never really talk about it.  I’d say they are believers, but very passive believers.  They probably saw summers as an opportunity to relax and spend time outside.  Sunday School and church ruins both of those and takes up valuable time.  They probably just wanted some time off from church and used ‘school’s out for the summer’ to rationalize their decision.  If there is a god, I don’t think that argument will work.  LOL!  Fortunately there is no god.  And if I’m wrong and there is, this god will support critical thinking.  If not, send me to hell because I want nothing to do with an asshole god.

Joshua – Chapter 7: Achan’s Sin

In the last chapter of Joshua the Israelites attacked the city of Jericho, destroying it and every living being except for Rahab and her family.  All children and babies were killed as Biblical morals tell us is appropriate.  J  Joshua 7 tells the story of the Israelites not quite following God’s commands following the fall of Jericho.

“But the Israelites were unfaithful in regard to the devoted things; Achan son of Karmi, the son of Zimri, the son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, took some of them. So the Lord’s anger burned against Israel.” – Joshua 7:1

Oh for crying out loud.  God’s okay with killing children and babies, but if you take some of the stuff you already STOLE God gets pissed?!?!?

“So about three thousand went up; but they were routed by the men of Ai, who killed about thirty-six of them. They chased the Israelites from the city gate as far as the stone quarries and struck them down on the slopes. At this the hearts of the people melted in fear and became like water.” – Joshua 7:4-5

One man steals some of the stuff already stolen and God punishes the entire Israelite community.  What…the…fuck?!?!?

“The Lord said to Joshua, ‘Stand up! What are you doing down on your face? Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant, which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen, they have lied, they have put them with their own possessions.’” – Joshua 7:10-11

But they followed the command to kill children and babies!  Do they get no credit for that?  LOL!

“I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction.” – Joshua 7:12

Kill a child and you are good in the eyes of God.  Steal an already stolen piece and you are to be destroyed.  Yeah, makes sense.

“Whoever is caught with the devoted things shall be destroyed by fire, along with all that belongs to him.” – Joshua 7:15

Oooo…death by fire!

“Achan replied, ‘It is true! I have sinned against the Lord, the God of Israel. This is what I have done: When I saw in the plunder a beautiful robe from Babylonia, two hundred shekels of silver and a bar of gold weighing fifty shekels, I coveted them and took them. They are hidden in the ground inside my tent, with the silver underneath.’” – Joshua 7:20-21

Achan admits to his wrongdoing and asks for forgiveness.  Surely God will lessen the punishment, right?

“Then all Israel stoned him, and after they had stoned the rest, they burned them. Over Achan they heaped up a large pile of rocks, which remains to this day. Then the Lord turned from his fierce anger. Therefore that place has been called the Valley of Achor ever since.” – Joshua 7:25-26

Holy shit!  Not only was Achan still burned, he was first stoned!!!  So what message does the Bible send here?  Don’t admit to your sins.  Admitting will WORSEN the punishment!!!

Wow, what a chapter!  God is okay with killing children and babies but take some of his stuff and he will destroy you!  Admit to the crime and your punishment will go from bad to worse!  Yikes!

Coming Soon:  Joshua – Chapter 8:  Ai Destroyed

Joshua – Chapter 6: The Fall of Jericho

Now that the Israelites are done chopping the tips of their dicks off (yes, this really happened…read Joshua 5) it’s time to now attack the city of Jericho.  War!!!  Joshua 6 begins with God talking to Joshua.

“March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams’ horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets. When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have the whole army give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the army will go up, everyone straight in.” – Joshua 6:3-5

Sound waves can damage objects.  Think of a wine glass breaking due to the correct frequency and volume of a sound wave.  However, the blasting of trumpets is not going to collapse the wall of a city!  More anti-science.  If it’s not misogyny in the Bible it’s anti-science.  Anyways, the Israelites did a big boy march around the city blowing on trumpets for seven days.  On the seventh day the city was destroyed.

“When the trumpets sounded, the army shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the men gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so everyone charged straight in, and they took the city.” – Joshua 6:20

Sure it did.  Sure it did.  And snakes and donkeys can talk.

“They devoted the city to the Lord and destroyed with the sword every living thing in it—men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep and donkeys.” – Joshua 6:21

Ah, there’s the killing we’ve so missed over the last few chapters.  God has the Israelites kill EVERY living thing, including babies, all because they already lived in the land God wanted the Israelites to have.  The only way for the all-mighty God to fix this was to kill babies.  For someone who knows all of all time, past, present, and future, one would think he could have simply had the city of Jericho built OUTSIDE the promised land.  Instead God chooses baby killing.  Fuck you God.

“So the young men who had done the spying went in and brought out Rahab, her father and mother, her brothers and sisters and all who belonged to her. They brought out her entire family and put them in a place outside the camp of Israel.” – Joshua 6:23

I also find it hard to believe Rahab survived.  Every other living thing was to be killed by God’s command.  The Israelites are obviously in a blood lust mode.  I realize Rahab’s house was marked, but in the heat of the moment, it’s hard to believe an ‘accident’ didn’t happen and someone in Rahab’s house wasn’t killed.

“Then they burned the whole city and everything in it, but they put the silver and gold and the articles of bronze and iron into the treasury of the Lord’s house.” – Joshua 6:24

Kill the babies and steal the treasure.  Biblical morals.

“But Joshua spared Rahab the prostitute, with her family and all who belonged to her, because she hid the men Joshua had sent as spies to Jericho—and she lives among the Israelites to this day.” – Joshua 6:25

No she doesn’t.  She’s dead.

“At that time Joshua pronounced this solemn oath: ‘Cursed before the Lord is the one who undertakes to rebuild this city, Jericho:  ‘At the cost of his firstborn son he will lay its foundations at the cost of his youngest he will set up its gates.’’” – Joshua 6:26

Once again the Bible informs us that the children and grandchildren will suffer if a dad or grandfather disobeys.  Innocent children are to be punished for the supposed sins of the parents.  More biblical morals.

After five chapters of setting up the soon to come death and destruction of innocents, Joshua 6 finally brings that death and destruction to us.  The entire city of Jericho is destroyed, including all living beings except for Rahab and her family.  This includes innocent children and babies.  Whenever a Christian brings up morals and the Bible, point them to this chapter.  There are many to point to, but any chapter in which children and babies are killed destroys the argument of the Bible teaching morals.

Coming Soon:  Joshua – Chapter 7:  Achan’s Sin