Judges – Chapter 1: Israel Fights the Remaining Canaanites

Joshua has died and the book of Joshua is over.  The Israelites, told by God they would have peace, do not have the promised peace.  As we can see from the title of the first chapter of Judges, the Israelites are still fighting the people who they kicked out of the promised land.

“After the death of Joshua, the Israelites asked the Lord, ‘Who of us is to go up first to fight against the Canaanites?’ The Lord answered, ‘Judah shall go up; I have given the land into their hands.’” – Judges 1:1-2

If I’m Judah, I’m like, what the fuck?!?!?  What the hell did I do to deserve this???

“When Judah attacked, the Lord gave the Canaanites and Perizzites into their hands, and they struck down ten thousand men at Bezek.” – Judges 1:4

God kills another 10,000 men.  Why?  We don’t really know.  They were just there in the promised land so they were doomed to death by God.  It’s a wrong place at the wrong time type of thing for the newly deceased.

“Adoni-Bezek fled, but they chased him and caught him, and cut off his thumbs and big toes.  Then Adoni-Bezek said, ‘Seventy kings with their thumbs and big toes cut off have picked up scraps under my table. Now God has paid me back for what I did to them.’ They brought him to Jerusalem, and he died there.” – Judges 1:6-7

Huh?  Why are people having their thumbs and big toes cut off?

“The men of Judah attacked Jerusalem also and took it. They put the city to the sword and set it on fire.” – Judges 1:8

I guess killing all of the people wasn’t enough to satisfy God’s blood lust.  The Israelites had to take the next step and burn the city to the ground.

“After that, Judah went down to fight against the Canaanites living in the hill country, the Negev and the western foothills.  They advanced against the Canaanites living in Hebron (formerly called Kiriath Arba) and defeated Sheshai, Ahiman and Talmai.  From there they advanced against the people living in Debir (formerly called Kiriath Sepher).” – Judges 1:9-11

These verses prove that the Israelites are not fighting in self-defense.  They are actively seeking out the Canaanites and attacking them on the offensive.  The moral here?  Attack those you don’t like and kill them before burning their cities to the ground.

“And Caleb said, ‘I will give my daughter Aksah in marriage to the man who attacks and captures Kiriath Sepher.’ Othniel son of Kenaz, Caleb’s younger brother, took it; so Caleb gave his daughter Aksah to him in marriage.” – Judges 1:12-13

Misogyny!  The daughter has no choice in the matter.  She’s forced into marriage by her father.

“When they sent men to spy out Bethel (formerly called Luz) the spies saw a man coming out of the city and they said to him, ‘Show us how to get into the city and we will see that you are treated well.’  So he showed them, and they put the city to the sword but spared the man and his whole family.” – Judges 1:23-25

Bribery is another ‘moral’ the Bible teaches.

“When Israel became strong, they pressed the Canaanites into forced labor but never drove them out completely.” – Judges 1:28

When the people weren’t killed they were forced into slavery.  Many Christians argue that there was no slavery, only indentured servitude, in the Bible.  Bullshit!  Forced labor is the very definition of slavery!

If you thought Judges was going to be any better than Joshua, you were wrong.  Judges starts out with war, death, fires, destruction, bribery, and slavery.  The Bible is a book that teaches us morals?  ROFL!!!  LMFAO!!!

Coming Soon:  Judges – Chapter 2:  The Angel of the Lord at Bokim


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