Judges – Chapter 9: Abimelek

The story of Gideon is over and the Israelites have pissed off God once again.  Not that it’s hard to piss off God.  Judges 9 brings us the next leader (judge) of the Israelites.

“He (Abimelek) went to his father’s home in Ophrah and on one stone murdered his seventy brothers, the sons of Jerub-Baal. But Jotham, the youngest son of Jerub-Baal, escaped by hiding.” – Judges 9:5

The story of Abimelek begins with him murdering his 70 brothers.  That’s nice.

“Then all the citizens of Shechem and Beth Millo gathered beside the great tree at the pillar in Shechem to crown Abimelek king.” – Judges 9:6

And the people make him King for this!!!

“But the olive tree answered, ‘Should I give up my oil, by which both gods and humans are honored, to hold sway over the trees?’” – Judges 9:9

Yeah, olive trees can’t talk.  The next several verses are about trees and bushes talking.  WTF?!?!

“After Abimelek had governed Israel three years, God stirred up animosity between Abimelek and the citizens of Shechem so that they acted treacherously against Abimelek.” – Judges 9:22-23

I will give the god of the Bible some credit for stepping in and helping the people rise against Abimelek.  He came to power through the murder of his brothers.  However, what the hell took God so long?  Three years!?!?!

“Abimelek chased him all the way to the entrance of the gate, and many were killed as they fled.” – Judges 9:40

To me this shows God isn’t really interested in helping the Israelites.  He likes blood and this is his way of increasing the chances of bloodshed for years to come.  Peace is not in God’s dictionary.  Chaos and destruction, however, are.

“Hurriedly he called to his armor-bearer, ‘Draw your sword and kill me, so that they can’t say, ‘A woman killed him.’’ So his servant ran him through, and he died. When the Israelites saw that Abimelek was dead, they went home.” – Judges 9:54-55

Even in death, the authors of the Bible sprinkle in misogyny.

“Thus God repaid the wickedness that Abimelek had done to his father by murdering his seventy brothers.” – Judges 9:56

Except thousands of Israelites die in the process.  If God is doing the repaying, why didn’t he do it and save the lives of the Israelites?  Because he likes blood.

That concludes Judges 9.  There wasn’t a real ‘judge’ in this chapter.  Abimelek took power through murder and in the process killed thousands.  Eventually the Israelites defeat him, but only after thousands die.  Where is God?  Who knows?  Probably jerking off in a closet to all the bloodshed.

Coming Soon:  Judges – Chapter 10:  Tola

One thought on “Judges – Chapter 9: Abimelek

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