1 Samuel – Chapter 5: The Ark in Ashdod and Ekron

The last chapter of 1 Samuel continued God’s pissiness at the Israelites and included the death of tens of thousands of Isaelites.  Let’s see if 1 Samuel 5 puts an end to the killing.

“Then the people of Ashdod rose early the next day, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the Lord! They took Dagon and put him back in his place.” – 1 Samuel 5:3

Dagon is a statue.

“But the following morning when they rose, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the Lord! His head and hands had been broken off and were lying on the threshold; only his body remained.” – 1 Samuel 5:4

Let’s see.  This could be the result of an invisible God no one can see, hear, touch, smell, or perceive in anyway, or it’s the simple act of vandals.  I’m going to go with vandals.

“The Lord’s hand was heavy on the people of Ashdod and its vicinity; he brought devastation on them and afflicted them with tumors.” – 1 Samuel 6:5

People get tumors all the time.  Approximately 40% of people will contract cancer at some point in their life.  Granted, not all are tumors, but many are.  Plus, at this time in history, the ability to detect tumors is extremely limited.  In other words, this simply did not happen.

“But after they had moved it, the Lord’s hand was against that city, throwing it into a great panic. He afflicted the people of the city, both young and old, with an outbreak of tumors.” – 1 Samuel 6:9

God could make an appearance and tell the people to stop moving him, but instead chooses tumors as his communication device.  Damn this god is stupid.

“For death had filled the city with panic; God’s hand was very heavy on it. Those who did not die were afflicted with tumors, and the outcry of the city went up to heaven.” – 1 Samuel 6:11-12

Apparently God is no longer pissy at the Israelites, because he’s now killing the enemies of the Israelites, through tumors.

This chapter is filled with much anti-science.  Tumors as a method of death?  Are you kidding me?  Even the fastest of tumors take weeks if not months or years to result in death.  Even for a fast growing brain tumor, glioblastoma, the average lifespan without treatment is 3-4 months.  With treatment it’s 15 months.  God’s method of killing in this chapter is extremely inefficient.

Coming Soon:  1 Samuel – Chapter 6:  The Ark Returned to Israel


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