1 Samuel – Chapter 19: Saul Tries to Kill David

In the last chapter of 1 Samuel, 1 Samuel 18, David chopped of the dick tips of 200 Philistines and traded them in for a wife.  I KID YOU NOT!!!  The Bible really says this!  Wow!  Can this chapter, 1 Samuel 19, top that in crazy?  I have no doubt there will be crazy, but crazier than chopping off 200 dick tips and trading them in for a wife?  That’s a tough task!  This chapter begins with Saul wanting David killed.  Jonathan, David’s co-star in the gay porn movie discussed in the previous chapter, warns David.

“The Lord won a great victory for all Israel, and you saw it and were glad.” – 1 Samuel 19:5

Once again, the Bible makes it clear the Lord supports all of the killing in the Bible.

“But an evil spirit from the Lord came on Saul as he was sitting in his house with his spear in his hand. While David was playing the lyre, Saul tried to pin him to the wall with his spear, but David eluded him as Saul drove the spear into the wall. That night David made good his escape.” – 1 Samuel 19:9-10

This is the second time God has invaded Saul’s body and tried to kill David.  Saul did not try to kill David.  God did.  God is the attempted killer in this story.

“So Saul went to Naioth at Ramah. But the Spirit of God came even on him, and he walked along prophesying until he came to Naioth. He stripped off his garments, and he too prophesied in Samuel’s presence. He lay naked all that day and all that night. This is why people say, ‘Is Saul also among the prophets?’” – 1 Samuel 19:23-24

These are the last two verses in this chapter and two of the craziest.  We already know God has no problem taking over someone’s body to do evil.  In this case, however, God takes over Saul’s body and strips him naked.  Um…what the fuck God?  You’re all-powerful.  If you want to see a naked man, can’t you just see through clothes?  Why the need to take over a body and strip it naked for all to see?  Weird.

Coming Soon:  1 Samuel – Chapter 20:  David and Jonathan

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