It’s time for another weekly edition of Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday. I’ve already pulled several verses from the book of 1 Samuel, but here’s another that is perfect for today’s crazy bible verse. This one comes from the story of David.
“When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king’s son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.” – 1 Samuel 18:26-27
Picture this in your head. David goes running out into battle, cuts of the dick tip of Philistine after Philistine until he has 200 dick tips. Then he returns them to the king in exchange for a bride. Image how the bride feels? She was just purchased for dick tips. DICK TIPS!?!?!?! And how the hell could the Philistines not stop David? I suppose they were dead now that I think about it. Initially I had pictured David de-robing the Philistines in the middle of battle and de-dick tipping them in the middle of a sword fight. ROFL!
This is a set of ridiculous verses that should make anyone reading them stop and think for a moment and ask, did this really happen? Of course it didn’t really happen! Even in biblical times filled with misogyny the idea of buying a bride for 200 foreskins is ridiculous!!!