2 Kings 6:27-29

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!  Atheists eat babies, right?  Not exactly, but do you know who does eat babies?  Biblical characters!

“The king replied, ‘If the Lord does not help you, where can I get help for you? From the threshing floor? From the winepress?’ Then he asked her, ‘What’s the matter?’ She answered, ‘This woman said to me, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him today, and tomorrow we’ll eat my son.’ So we cooked my son and ate him. The next day I said to her, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him,’ but she had hidden him.’” – 2 Kings 6:27-29

Wow!  Eating babies in the Bible!  Just yesterday, in Psalms 121, according to David, God keeps all from harm!  Apparently not this baby for he was eaten!  What kind of god allows an innocent child to be eaten?  What kind of god allows people to go so hungry that they resort to eating their children?!?!?  Not a loving god.  Not a kind god.  Not a compassionate god.  Only an evil god who gets his jollies off watching others suffer.

Psalms – Chapter 121: A song of ascents.

Let us continue through the book of Psalms, this time with Chapter 121.

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” – Psalms 121:1-2

Help from God?  Sigh.  Don’t forget that all of your troubles began with God too.  He’s the one who took over Saul’s body and attempted to do you bodily harm.

“He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber;” – Psalms 121:3

Job would say otherwise!  And what of those whose feet do slip, either figuratively or literally?  Were they not praying hard enough?  Ah, the ‘you just don’t love God enough to receive his help’ argument.  Disgusting.

“…the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.” – Psalms 121:6

Apparently David is unaware of sunburns.  Seems very unlikely given he lives in the Middle East!

“The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life;” – Psalms 121:7

But only if you pray hard enough, love him enough, and follow every single silly little rule.  Fail in any one thing and harm will come to you as we’ve seen over and over in the Bible.

Psalms 121 continues the theme of false praise to God.  It continues to amaze me that David praises God for protection from the very things God causes.  And the statements on God never harming you?  Seriously?  Harm comes to people all over including the Israelites!  These are verses written by men to control the masses.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.

Coming Soon:  Psalms – Chapter 123:  A song of ascents.

Putting Christ Back in Christmas

Now that, with Trump as President, the heathens have lost the “War on Christmas”, it’s past time to start putting “Christ” back in Christmas.  Christmas is celebrated on December 25th.  Everyone knows this.  Everyone knows Jesus was born on December 25th.  We celebrate Christmas on December 25th because Jesus was born on this day and there needs to be a day to celebrate the birth of the savior of humanity.  Right?  Actually, NO!

Let’s take a look at when Jesus was really born.  I read an interesting article at livescience.com discussing the birth date of Jesus.  As you may or may not know, the exact year of Jesus’ birth is not known, let alone the exact day of the year.  On top of that, there are more and more religious scholars beginning to question the historicity of Jesus at all!  More on this in a future post.

For those who conclude Jesus was a real historical figure, most place his birth sometime between 4 and 6 B.C., based on the death of Herod.  Some scholars place Jesus’ birth in the summer months while others place it in the fall months.  Some place it in the spring months.  The point isn’t the exact date, but that it is very unlikely to be the month of December and even less likely to be the 25th of December.  December 25th was chosen by the Roman Catholic Church to coincide with celebrations of the winter solstice and the festival of Saturnalia (Roman deity Saturn).  It was a ploy to steal these holidays from the heathens and force Christianity upon them.

To conclude, there’s no Christ to put into Christmas because there never was a Christ at the time of the year we now celebrate as Christmas.   We celebrate Christmas on December 25th because the Roman Catholic Church decided to steal a couple of holidays.  We, when celebrating Christmas, are literally celebrating theft.

 

When Was Jesus Born?

Psalms – Chapter 18: For the director of music. Of David the servant of the Lord. He sang to the Lord the words of this song when the Lord delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said:

Now that 1 Samuel is finished it’s time to head back into Psalms for several chapters before eventually moving on to 2 Samuel.

“I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies.” – Psalms 18:3

First, God is not worthy of praise.  He kills.  He’s a murderer.  He’s a rapist.  He’s a child molester.  Second, you’d need less saving from enemies if you stopped killing people and creating enemies.

“The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry.” – Psalms 18:7

Or it was simply an earthquake.  Earthquakes happen EVERY day somewhere on Earth and typically there are MANY each day.  This is not an act of an all-mighty god.  It’s tectonic plates moving and releasing built up energy.

“He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet.” – Psalms 18:9

Yeah…these are just rain clouds.

“He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—the dark rain clouds of the sky.” – Psalms 18:11

In other words the sun set and it’s now night time outside.

“The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded.” – Psalms 18:13

Okay, so it’s a thunderstorm.  I’ll admit that intense thunderstorms can be a big scary.

“He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightning he routed them.” – Psalms 18:14

Lightning does accompany thunder.  Granted, the people of this time lack an understanding of science, but it’s ridiculous Christians today still take this as the word of God when the physical mechanism of thunder and lightning is well known.

“The Lord has dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.” – Psalms 18:20

The cleanness of your hands?  David, you killed innocent people!!!  Your hands are as dirty as they come!

“For I have kept the ways of the Lord; I am not guilty of turning from my God. All his laws are before me; I have not turned away from his decrees.” – Psalms 18:21-22

These verses speak the truth.  David has not turned away from God.  He has kept the ways of the Lord.  God kills innocents and has ridiculous laws that result in the unnecessary death of tens of thousands of people.  David has certainly followed these laws.

“To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless, to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.” – Psalms 18:25-26

Unless you’re Job, in which case the exact opposite is true.

“…with my God I can scale a wall.” – Psalms 18:29

Or a rope.  A rope will help you scale a wall too.

“As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.” – Psalms 18:30

Killing babies and raping women is perfect.  It is flawless in the eyes of God.

“You have delivered me from the attacks of the people; you have made me the head of nations. People I did not know now serve me, foreigners cower before me; as soon as they hear of me, they obey me. They all lose heart; they come trembling from their strongholds.” – Psalms 18:43-45

People David didn’t know are now his slaves.  They obey him as slaves are forced to obey.  This is all righteous in the eyes of God.

“He gives his king great victories; he shows unfailing love to his anointed, to David and to his descendants forever.” – Psalms 18:50

Well, God shows his ‘unfailing’ love ‘forever’ until someone pisses God off by breaking a stupid rule like eating too much bread on the wrong day of the year.  Then you and several generations of your descendants are punished.

This concludes Psalms 18.  There’s much to be said about this chapter.  David credits God for several natural weather events, including rain, thunder, and lightning, along with plate tectonics.  Granted, he doesn’t know how these things work so we can let him slide, but Christians today who know the explanation for these events have no excuse to continue accepting these events as ‘God’s will’.  The other thing we’ve learned reading Psalms is how truly disgusting the god of the Bible is.  Psalms first comes across as a series of songs praising God, but if you read the words, line for line, and apply them to the previous biblical books, they tell a disgusting story of a God who punishes without regard to blame.  There’s no righteousness in the Bible.  Only evil.

Coming Soon:  Psalms – Chapter 121:  A song of ascents.

1 Samuel – Chapter 31: Saul Takes His Life

Today’s chapter is the very last chapter in the book of 1 Samuel and based on the title it ends with the end of Saul.  Pun intended.  🙂  The chapter begins with the Philistines attacking the Israelites and winning.

“The fighting grew fierce around Saul, and when the archers overtook him, they wounded him critically.” – 1 Samuel 31:3

The end of Saul is near.

“Saul said to his armor-bearer, ‘Draw your sword and run me through, or these uncircumcised fellows will come and run me through and abuse me.’” – 1 Samuel 31:4

LOL!  I don’t want to die by a sword, but if that’s the way I go, I’d never want an uncircumcised man to kill me with a sword.  ROFL!  These biblical stories are ridiculous!

“But his armor-bearer was terrified and would not do it; so Saul took his own sword and fell on it. When the armor-bearer saw that Saul was dead, he too fell on his sword and died with him.” – 1 Samuel 31:4-5

Why did the armor-bearer kill himself at the sight of Saul’s suicide?

“The next day, when the Philistines came to strip the dead, they found Saul and his three sons fallen on Mount Gilboa. They cut off his head and stripped off his armor, and they sent messengers throughout the land of the Philistines to proclaim the news in the temple of their idols and among their people.” – 1 Samuel 31:8-9

It’s official.  Saul is no longer God’s boy toy.

“Then they took their bones and buried them under a tamarisk tree at Jabesh, and they fasted seven days.” – 1 Samuel 31:13

Yes, because the best thing to do when you are fleeing and fighting for your life is to fast for seven days, leaving yourself too weak to fight back.  Sigh.

The book of 1 Samuel ends with a very short chapter that describes the death of Saul.  Saul, the Israelite controlled by God until God grew tired of him, is no more.

Coming Soon:  Psalms – Chapter 18:  For the director of music. Of David the servant of the Lord. He sang to the Lord the words of this song when the Lord delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said:

Isaiah 34:7

Like last week, this Tuesday’s Crazy Bible Verse comes from the book of Isaiah.  Let’s face it.  Isaiah is filled with MANY crazy Bible verses!!!

“And the wild oxen will fall with them; the bull calves and the great bulls. Their land will be drenched with blood, and the dust will be soaked with fat.” – Isaiah 34:7

The land will be drenched in blood and the dust will be soaked with fat.  That’s crazy enough, but what makes this verse even crazier is the King James Version.  The above is the verse from the NIV.

“And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.” – Isaiah 34:7 (KJV)

Unicorns!  Mother fucking unicorns!  Now that’s some crazy stuff!  The Bible says unicorns exist.  Your Christian apologist will argue the Bible really means a rhinoceros, but if that’s what the authors meant to say, they would have said that.  They really meant to say unicorns!!!  The moral book of God include unicorns!!!  ROFL!!!

1 Samuel – Chapter 30: David Destroys the Amalekites

Not much happened in the last chapter of 1 Samuel.  David was sent back to camp by the Philistines because the leaders did not want him in battle with them.  This chapter looks more exciting.  It has the word ‘destroys’ in it, meaning David is back to his old ways.

“David and his men reached Ziklag on the third day. Now the Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They had attacked Ziklag and burned it, and had taken captive the women and everyone else in it, both young and old. They killed none of them, but carried them off as they went on their way.” 1 Samuel 30:1-2

In this case David has a reason to go after the Amalekites.  They raided the towns and took women and children as captives.  Notice how the Amalekites did not kill the women and children.  They simply took them.  In this aspect, the Amalekites are more moral than God.

“David’s two wives had been captured—Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel.” – 1 Samuel 30:5

Ah, traditional biblical marriage.  Multiple wives.

“David inquired of the Lord, ‘Shall I pursue this raiding party? Will I overtake them?’ ‘Pursue them,’ he answered. ‘You will certainly overtake them and succeed in the rescue.’” – 1 Samuel 30:8

Why is David asking God?  If someone takes my family, I’m pursuing them.  That may be in the form of police and detectives, but I would never stop in my search for them and an answer from God would never sway me away from this.  I don’t need a god to tell me to search for my family.  And if a god said no, well, fuck that god!

“He led David down, and there they were, scattered over the countryside, eating, drinking and reveling because of the great amount of plunder they had taken from the land of the Philistines and from Judah.” – 1 Samuel 30:16

It’s interesting how celebrating the taken plunder is looked at as an evil act when the Israelite’s enemies do it, but when the Israelites do the same, it’s a worthy celebration.  God is a hypocrite.

“He took all the flocks and herds, and his men drove them ahead of the other livestock, saying, ‘This is David’s plunder.’” – 1 Samuel 30:20

See!!!  It’s okay when it is David’s plunder, but not if it’s the Amalekite’s plunder.  Again, God is a hypocrite.

“Who will listen to what you say? The share of the man who stayed with the supplies is to be the same as that of him who went down to the battle. All will share alike.” – 1 Samuel 30:24

And by ‘all’ David really means just the men.

David sends some of the plunder to several of his friends in different towns and that concludes the chapter.  This is an extremely hypocritical chapter.  Unlike David and the Israelites, the Amalekites did not kill the women and children.  Yes, taking them as captives was wrong, but they weren’t killed.  On top of that, it’s considered good when the Israelites celebrate in their plunder but bad when anyone else does.  God, the ultimate hypocrite.

Coming Soon:  1 Samuel – Chapter 31:  Saul Takes His Life