2 Samuel – Chapter 20: Sheba Rebels Against David

David is back in Jerusalem.  The end.  Unfortunately that is not the case.  The Bible has many more chapters, meaning peace did not rule the land after David’s return.  Sigh.

“Now a troublemaker named Sheba son of Bikri, a Benjamite, happened to be there” – 2 Samuel 20:1

Oohhh….a troublemaker!  I’m not sure why I find this word so funny.  It’s probably due to all the rape and murder in this book, that the word ‘troublemaker’ just seems out of place!

“So all the men of Israel deserted David to follow Sheba son of Bikri. But the men of Judah stayed by their king all the way from the Jordan to Jerusalem.” – 2 Samuel 20:2

LOL!  Poor David just can’t keep his people following him faithfully.

“When David returned to his palace in Jerusalem, he took the ten concubines he had left to take care of the palace and put them in a house under guard. He provided for them but had no sexual relations with them. They were kept in confinement till the day of their death, living as widows.” – 2 Samule 20:3

WTF?!?!?  What does this have to do with people leaving David in favor of Sheba?  What the fuck did the concubines do???

“Joab said to Amasa, ‘How are you, my brother?’ Then Joab took Amasa by the beard with his right hand to kiss him. Amasa was not on his guard against the dagger in Joab’s hand, and Joab plunged it into his belly, and his intestines spilled out on the ground. Without being stabbed again, Amasa died. Then Joab and his brother Abishai pursued Sheba son of Bikri.” – 2 Samuel 20:9-10

WTF?!?!?  So you can thrust three javelins directly into someone’s heart and not kill them (from a previous chapter), but a dagger to someone’s side is instant death?  The authors of the Bible clearly have no understanding of how the human body and death work.  I don’t doubt the dagger stab was deadly, but instant death as described here?  No way.

“Then the woman went to all the people with her wise advice, and they cut off the head of Sheba son of Bikri and threw it to Joab. So he sounded the trumpet, and his men dispersed from the city, each returning to his home. And Joab went back to the king in Jerusalem.” – 2 Samuel 20:22

LOL!  It’s the Bible so of course a head was cut off and thrown over the wall.  Great scenes for a movie!

That does it for this chapter.  David is back in charge, but the bloodshed continues.  Sheba, that troublemaker (LOL!), has his head cut off and thrown over the wall.  The Bible.  The bloodiest book of them all.  But all about love, right?  😊

Coming Soon:  2 Samuel – Chapter 21:  The Gibeonites Avenged

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