1 Chronicles – Chapter 28: David’s Plans for the Temple

In today’s chapter the focus shifts away from listing who is doing what and turns to plans for a temple.  Rape and slavery?  No time to focus on the immorality of those because God’s temple is more important!

“But God said to me, ‘You are not to build a house for my Name, because you are a warrior and have shed blood.’” – 1 Chronicles 28:3

Um…okay?

“Yet the Lord, the God of Israel, chose me from my whole family to be king over Israel forever. He chose Judah as leader, and from the tribe of Judah he chose my family, and from my father’s sons he was pleased to make me king over all Israel. Of all my sons—and the Lord has given me many—he has chosen my son Solomon to sit on the throne of the kingdom of the Lord over Israel.” – 1 Chronicles 28:4-5

Cue evil cackle now.  Seriously, could this sound any more evil or conceited?

“Be careful to follow all the commands of the Lord your God, that you may possess this good land and pass it on as an inheritance to your descendants forever.” – 1 Chronicles 28:8

Don’t mess up.  If you touch God’s stuff in the wrong way he will smote you down!

“And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. Consider now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house as the sanctuary. Be strong and do the work.” – 1 Chronicles 28:9-10

And if God says to rape and kill, you’d better do it!  You don’t want to face God’s wrath!

“He designated the weight of gold for all the gold articles to be used in various kinds of service, and the weight of silver for all the silver articles to be used in various kinds of service: the weight of gold for the gold lampstands and their lamps, with the weight for each lampstand and its lamps; and the weight of silver for each silver lampstand and its lamps, according to the use of each lampstand; the weight of gold for each table for consecrated bread; the weight of silver for the silver tables; the weight of pure gold for the forks, sprinkling bowls and pitchers; the weight of gold for each gold dish; the weight of silver for each silver dish; and the weight of the refined gold for the altar of incense. He also gave him the plan for the chariot, that is, the cherubim of gold that spread their wings and overshadow the ark of the covenant of the Lord.” – 1 Chronicles 28:14-18

This is insane!!!  The Bible spends more time talking about the weight of a gold fucking lamp than it does denouncing rape and slavery!

Wow!  What a chapter filled with biblical morals!  How would people know how to be moral if it wasn’t for these detailed instruction on how to build a gold lamp?  Can you imagine how many gold lamps people would have messed up had they not had the Bible as an instruction manual?  Phew!

Coming Soon:  1 Chronicles – Chapter 29:  Gifts for Building the Temple

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Acts 19:10

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse points out the impossible.

“This went on for two years, so that all the Jews and Greeks who lived in the province of Asia heard the word of the Lord.” – Acts 19:10

Asia is a large continent.  In fact, it is the largest continent.  There are 48 countries in Asia, including the very large countries of Russia and China.  During a time period in which travel to remote areas was difficult, if not impossible, the idea of teaching the word of Christ to ALL people living in Asia is absurd.  In other words this never happened!

1 Chronicles – Chapter 27: Army Divisions

The last few chapters in 1 Chronicles are little more than a listing of people by job or duty.  This continues in today’s chapter, 1 Chronicles 27.

“This is the list of the Israelites—heads of families, commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds, and their officers, who served the king in all that concerned the army divisions that were on duty month by month throughout the year.” – 1 Chronicles 27:1

Plenty of room in the Bible to list the Israelites serving in the army, but no room to denounce rape and slavery.  Biblical morals.

“Joab son of Zeruiah began to count the men but did not finish. God’s wrath came on Israel on account of this numbering, and the number was not entered in the book of the annals of King David.” – 1 Chronicles 27:24

God:  I’m okay with rape and slavery, but if you don’t correctly count the men in the army I will fuck you over like you wouldn’t believe.

That does it for this chapter.  All other verses are counts of the army divisions and a list of who is in charge of what.  Verse 24 is hilarious because it points out how immoral the Christian god is in the book that Christians claim is the literal truth of God.

Coming Soon:  1 Chronicles – Chapter 28:  David’s Plans for the Temple

1 Chronicles – Chapter 27: Army Divisions

Today we move from the book of Psalms to 1 Chronicles.  We’ll spend a few chapters in 1 Chronicles, finishing out this book.  1 Chronicles 26 starts out with a list of the gatekeepers.  The authors of the Bible were far more concerned with the details of who had what job to spend much time on protecting the innocent from murder and rape.  One big omission in the list of gatekeepers is no women.  Only men are important enough to list in the Bible.  The second part of the book is a listing of who is in charge of the treasuries.  Again, only men are allowed to be in charge of the money.

“Some of the plunder taken in battle they dedicated for the repair of the temple of the Lord.” – 1 Chronicles 26:27

Here’s the reason why God demands war.  He wants the plunders of war to build his temple.  LOL!  A moral god?  Hardly.

And that’s pretty much it for this chapter.  There’s no need for me to list the names of gatekeepers and treasurers.  Look up the chapter yourself if you’re really interested in this list of men.  The take away from this chapter is there is far more effort placed in listing people’s jobs than there is about stopping murder and rape.  In addition, the Bible once again shows its misogynistic ways by including no women.

Coming Soon:  1 Chronicles – Chapter 27:  Army Divisions

Psalm – Chapter 145: A psalm of praise. Of David.

In the last chapter of Psalms we learned all about the Bible’s attempt to breed hate against those unlike the Israelites.  Will there be more hate in this chapter?  Let’s find out.

“Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.” – Psalm 145:3

David is right.  It’s difficult, if not impossible, to define greatness toward a creator who rapes, murders, starves, enslaves, and hardens the hearts of his creations.  Greatness indeed.

“They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness.” – Psalm 145:7

Only to avoid a torturous death at the hands of this asshole god.

“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.” – Psalm 145:8

ROFL!  LOL!  WTF?!?!?  The Bible DIRECTLY contradicts this.  We see time and time again that God is quick to anger and lacking in love.

“The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.”

Those God has raped, murdered, enslaved, tortured, and starved say otherwise.

“Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations.” – Psalm 145:13

An everlasting kingdom?  Hardly.  Over 85% of the world’s population is NOT Christian and this number increases each year.  Sounds like a dying kingdom to me.

“You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.” – Psalm 145:16

Through murder, rape, starvation, torture, and slavery.

“He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.” – Psalm 145:19

Once again the Bible tells us that you must fear God for him to love you.  Sorry, but this is child abuse.

“The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.” – Psalm 145:20

The previous verse directly contradicts this verse.  It’s not about who loves him but about who fears him.

Wow!  Psalm 145 is a chapter full of contradictions.  A slow to anger God?  The Bible says no.  A God who loves?  Again, the Bible says no.  A God who helps all people?  Once again, the Bible says no.  The Bible does a great job describing this god.  He’s an asshole god whose mission is to breed hate across the world.

Coming Soon:  1 Chronicles – Chapter 26:  The Gatekeepers

Do Catholics Read the Bible Every Three Years?

Today’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday is just a bit different.  There’s no specific verse(s) but there is a heavy load of crazy!  I’ve heard it said several times that Catholics attending church every week will read the Bible in its entirety every three years.  How?  Supposedly the entire Bible is covered in Catholic sermons once every three years, therefore Catholics can claim they read the Bible every three years.  Do you know what I have to say about this?  Bullshit!

There are several reason why this is bullshit.  For starters, I guarantee you every verse in the Bible is not covered.  How do I know this?  Ezekiel 23:20.  Look it up.  This verse has NEVER been discussed in a church sermon.  Read it and you’ll know why.  Another reason this is bullshit is due to the FACT there are 1,189 chapters in the Bible.  Let’s say you attend sermons weekly for three years.  This is a total of 156 sermons.  To cover the entire Bible, each sermon must cover, on average, 7-8 chapters.  In terms of verses, this works out to about 199 verses per sermon.

I don’t doubt 7-8 chapters per sermon is possible, but this is NOT the same as reading the Bible.  I imagine a few verses per chapter are selected or an overview of a chapter is given, but the chapter is not read in its entirety.  That is not possible to accomplish in 3 years.  In addition, this is NOT reading the Bible.  This is listening to someone else’s interpretation of the Bible.

To all Catholics who say they ‘read’ the Bible every 3 years by attending weekly sermons, please stop apologizing for the fact that you’ve never read the Bible, never intend to read the Bible, and most likely rarely, if ever, attend a church service.  Like most Christians, you are a fake Christian who has no idea what the Bible contains.  Your typical Atheist knows far more about the Bible than you.