1 Chronicles 13:9-10

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we see God, the village idiot.

“When they came to the threshing floor of Kidon, Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the ark, because the oxen stumbled. The Lord’s anger burned against Uzzah, and he struck him down because he had put his hand on the ark. So he died there before God.” – 1 Chronicles 13:9-10

Someone tries to help God by saving the ark from damage and God kills that person. Jesus fucking christ.

2 Chronicles – Chapter 4: The Temple’s Furnishings

Here it is, the moment we’ve all been waiting for in the Bible. The moment that gives us the mother of all morals. It’s finally here. The temple’s furnishings. LOL! This is why the Bible is such a joke. Far more time is spent in the Bible laying out how temples were furnished than telling people to stop enslaving each other, raping each other, etc.

It held three thousand baths.” – 2 Chronicles 4:5

I don’t know, this might not be enough baths.

I won’t bore you with further verses detailing how many wash basins and lamps were in the temple. What a worthless chapter in a worthless book.

Coming Soon: 1 Kings – Chapter 8: The Ark Brought to the Temple

Atheism Quotes – Aron Ra

Today I bring you another quote from Atheist activist Aron Ra.

“We either base our ‘confidence’ on reason (evident probabilities, past experience, competence, etc) or we base our beliefs on faith, which is blind by definition. Faith is the most dishonest position it is possible to have, because it is an assertion of stoic conviction that is assumed without reason and defended against all reason. If you have to believe it on faith, you have no reason to believe it at all.” – Aron Ra

Well said Ra-man, well said!

1 Kings – Chapter 7: Solomon Builds His Palace

Now that the temple is completed, it’s time to build Solomon’s palace. Sigh. Book of morals this is not.

“It took Solomon thirteen years, however, to complete the construction of his palace.” – 1 Kings 7:1

No, Solomon did not build the palace. Slaves did.

Fifty one verses later the chapter is done, but there’s not a single verse worth discussing. They are nothing but a list of materials used to build the palace.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 4: The Temple’s Furnishings

2 Chronicles – Chapter 3: Solomon Builds the Temple

Given the Bible repeats the chapter on the preparations for building the temple, it only makes sense it repeats the chapter on the actual building of the temple.

“Then Solomon began to build the temple…” – 2 Chronicles 3:1

No, the slaves built the temple.

“The gold nails weighed fifty shekels.” – 2 Chronicles 3:9

For fuck’s sake. People are starving and gold nails are used (and approved by God) to build the temple?!?!

At first glance this may seem to be a meaningless, boring chapter, but it’s a chapter that further condones slavery and uses excessive amounts of gold when there are starving people in the land. Then again, it fits right in with the other Biblical morals we’ve discovered.

Coming Soon: 1 Kings – Chapter 7: Solomon Builds His Palace

Revelation 21:16

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we learn that heaven has a finite size.

“The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide. He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia in length, and as wide and high as it is long.” – Revelation 21:16

The city in question is a city in the sky, otherwise known as heaven. One stadia is 607 feet. Converting this to a square area in miles squared gives a city that is about 1.9 million square miles. That may seem large, but the United States is about 3.8 million square millions, meaning heaven is about half the size of the U.S.? Seems there will be a space problem if every Christian in all of history is supposed to go to heaven. Are there rent control policies in place?

2 Chronicles – Chapter 2: Preparations for Building the Temple

Today we move to 2 Chronicles which follows 1 Kings very closely. Thus we get a repeat of the preparations for building the temple. The Bible finds these preparations so important to living a good life that they are repeated in a second chapter. Slavery and rape is okay and there’s no need to condemn those, but how to prepare for a temple must cover at least two chapters!

“He conscripted 70,000 men as carriers and 80,000 as stonecutters in the hills and 3,600 as foremen over them.” – 2 Chronicles 2:2

Otherwise known as slaves.

“Solomon took a census of all the foreigners residing in Israel, after the census his father David had taken; and they were found to be 153,600.  He assigned 70,000 of them to be carriers and 80,000 to be stonecutters in the hills, with 3,600 foremen over them to keep the people working.” – 2 Chronicles 2:17-18

Forcing those who are not like you to do the work you don’t want to do is the very definition of slavery.

Outside the pro-slavery verses, the rest of the chapter details the specifics on what materials will be used for the temple.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 3: Solomon Builds the Templ

1 Kings – Chapter 6: Solomon Builds the Temple

The last chapter brought us the ever so important information on the preparations of building God’s temple, including God’s approval of slavery. This chapter brings us the building of the temple. Very important for morals, right?

“The word of the Lord came to Solomon: As for this temple you are building, if you follow my decrees, observe my laws and keep all my commands and obey them, I will fulfill through you the promise I gave to David your father.’” – 1 Kings 6:11-12

You mean the temple the slaves built? Solomon did none of the building.

“Solomon covered the inside of the temple with pure gold, and he extended gold chains across the front of the inner sanctuary, which was overlaid with gold.” – 1 Kings 6:21

All while the poor starve and struggle to remain alive.

I won’t bore you with the other details of the temple building. Every verse details the specifics of the temple, including all of the gold used. A moral god would use the wealth to help the people, but not the god of the Bible.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 2: Preparations for Building the Temple

1 Kings – Chapter 5: Preparations for Building the Temple

After a long detour through Proverbs, we are now back in 1 Kings where today we get to learn all about the ever so important preparations on building the temple. Important stuff I tell you. 🙂

“I intend, therefore, to build a temple for the Name of the Lord my God, as the Lord told my father David, when he said, ‘Your son whom I will put on the throne in your place will build the temple for my Name.’” – 1 Kings 5:5

Apparently God needs mortals to build him a temple. The all-powerful god of the Bible doesn’t have the means to do it himself.

“You know that we have no one so skilled in felling timber as the Sidonians.” – 1 Kings 5:6

Apparently David’s men, those blessed by God, don’t know how to cut down trees. Hmm.

“The Lord gave Solomon wisdom, just as he had promised him.” – 1 Kings 5:12

But not the wisdom to know how to cut down trees. 🙂

“Adoniram was in charge of the forced labor.” – 1 Kings 5:14

God needs slaves to build his temple.

Overall 1 Kings 5 is a pretty worthless chapter in what Christians call the book of morals. But it does show us God still approves of slavery. Moral indeed.

Coming Soon: 1 Kings – Chapter 6: Solomon Builds the Temple