1 Kings – Chapter 8: The Ark Brought to the Temple

Now that the temple is built, it’s time to bring the ark.

“The priests and Levites carried them up, and King Solomon and the entire assembly of Israel that had gathered about him were before the ark, sacrificing so many sheep and cattle that they could not be recorded or counted.” – 1 Kings 8:4-5

WTF? Even in a time of supposed celebration, God insists on a fucking bloodbath. Too many to count?!?!

“When the priests withdrew from the Holy Place, the cloud filled the temple of the Lord. And the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled his temple.” – 1 Kings 8:10-11

Or, you know, someone burned their macaroni and cheese. God is a cloud? Give me a break.

“Then Solomon said, “The Lord has said that he would dwell in a dark cloud…” – 1 Kings 8:12

ROFL. God is a dark cloud? What a joke!

“But will God really dwell on earth? The heavens, even the highest heaven, cannot contain you.” – 1 Kings 8:27

Obviously. Clouds can squeeze through tight spaces!

“When the heavens are shut up and there is no rain because your people have sinned against you…” – 1 Kings 8:35

See little Johnny…when you whack your pecker, God gets mad and stops it from raining.

“And forgive your people, who have sinned against you; forgive all the offenses they have committed against you, and cause their captors to show them mercy; for they are your people and your inheritance, whom you brought out of Egypt, out of that iron-smelting furnace.” – 1 Kings 8:50-51

Hard to forgive those you’ve already killed.

Wow! An insanely long chapter in which the ark was brought to the temple and Solomon begs God to not punish the Israelites too much. Seriously, that’s what this chapter is about. Solomon begs God to not hurt them too much, but fully expects God to hurt them because all people sin. A god to be worshipped? Nope!

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 5: The Ark Brought to the Temple

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