1 Kings – Chapter 18: Elijah and Obadiah

Today we continue with the story of Elijah. In the last chapter he raped a boy’s corpse and God rewarded the raped corpse by bringing it back to life as a zombie. Seriously.

“After a long time, in the third year, the word of the Lord came to Elijah: ‘Go and present yourself to Ahab, and I will send rain on the land.’” – 1 Kings 18:1

The drought has lasted three years.

“Elijah went before the people and said, ‘How long will you waver between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him.’” – 1 Kings 18:21

Given how awful God has been, I’d give Baal a try. Can’t possibly be worse.

“Get two bulls for us. Let Baal’s prophets choose one for themselves, and let them cut it into pieces and put it on the wood but not set fire to it. I will prepare the other bull and put it on the wood but not set fire to it.  Then you call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the Lord. The god who answers by fire—he is God.” – 1 Kings 18:23-24

Oh for fuck’s sake. If God is real, just come down and present yourself and make it absolutely clear. Stop with the easy trickery that any human can do to convince people that what is fake is reality.

“At noon Elijah began to taunt them. ‘Shout louder!’ he said. ‘Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened.’” – 1 Kings 18:27

You mean how the god of the Bible has ignored the people throughout this three year drought?

“He arranged the wood, cut the bull into pieces and laid it on the wood. Then he said to them, ‘Fill four large jars with water and pour it on the offering and on the wood.’” – 1 Kings 18:33

And how easy would it be for Elijah to sneak oil or any other fire starter into the liquid? Very easy.

“Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.” – 1 Kings 18:38

Wow…what a surprise. What’s more likely? God coming down and starting the wood on fire, or Elijah sneaking in oil as a fire starter to start the fire. Hmmm….it’s quite obvious what happened here and it’s not the presence of God.

“Then Elijah commanded them, ‘Seize the prophets of Baal. Don’t let anyone get away!’ They seized them, and Elijah had them brought down to the Kishon Valley and slaughtered there.” – 1 Kings 18:40

Okay, let’s say this really was God. If God shows himself, why aren’t the other prophets given the chance to covert? Does not a forgiving god want more converts? Apparently not as they are all murdered for worshipping another god even though there was no evidence for the god of the Bible.

“The power of the Lord came on Elijah and, tucking his cloak into his belt, he ran ahead of Ahab all the way to Jezreel.” – 1 Kings 18:46

Or, you know, a standard rain storm came through.

Sheesh, what a bunch of bunk in this chapter. God never shows himself, but supposedly does through an easy trickery? Not buying it. Provide some real evidence if you want me to believe in the god of the Bible.

Coming Soon: 1 Kings – Chapter 19: Elijah Flees to Horeb

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Revelation 17:16

The last book of the Bible, Revelation, is always good for some straight up crazy.

“The beast and the ten horns you saw will hate the prostitute. They will bring her to ruin and leave her naked; they will eat her flesh and burn her with fire.” – Revelation 17:16

A beast with tens horns who hates prostitutes is going to leave her naked, eat her, and then burn her in a fire. Um…sure. If you believe that, you really need to take a look at those critical thinking skills. Then again, if you believe in a talking donkey, a ten horned beast is not much of a stretch.

1 Kings – Chapter 17: Elijah Announces a Great Drought

Today we move back to 1 Kings where we learn about an upcoming drought.

“Now Elijah the Tishbite, from Tishbe in Gilead, said to Ahab, ‘As the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word.’” – 1 Kings 17:1

No rain for several years? That’s a bit extreme and simply not correct. Although regions of the Middle East are often in drought and receive little rain, no rain for several years simply has not happened.

“The ravens brought him (Elijah) bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.” – 1 Kings 17:6

Seriously? Ravens brought Elijah bread and meat for each meal? Give me a freaking break. Again…DID…NOT…HAPPEN!

“‘As surely as the Lord your God lives,’ she replied, ‘I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die.’” – 1 Kings 17:12

Um…WTF!?!?! Gathering sticks to make a meal so we can eat and DIE???

“For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord sends rain on the land.’” – 1 Kings 17:14

More nonsense. Jars of flour and jugs of oil are not endless. If there’s a drought, they will run dry and people will die of hunger and thirst.

“Some time later the son of the woman who owned the house became ill. He grew worse and worse, and finally stopped breathing.  She said to Elijah, ‘What do you have against me, man of God? Did you come to remind me of my sin and kill my son?’” – 1 Kings 17:17-18

I think we can all see what type of nonsense is coming up next.

“Then he stretched himself out on the boy three times and cried out to the Lord, ‘Lord my God, let this boy’s life return to him!’ The Lord heard Elijah’s cry, and the boy’s life returned to him, and he lived.” – 1 Kings 17:21-22

Elijah did this with no family in the room, so it sounds like Elijah raped the corpse three times and the boy came back to life. God returned life to a child, but only after the child’s corpse is raped? JFC.

Wow was this chapter filled with a bunch of nonsense. Bottomless chairs, the dead coming to life (zombies!), and ravens delivering bread and meat. My god what a bunch of bullshit.

Coming Soon: 1 Kings – Chapter 18: Elijah and Obadiah

Atheism Quotes – Alice Walker

Today’s Atheism quote comes from Alice Walker.

“What the mind doesn’t understand, it worships or fears.” – Alice Walker

So very true. And it makes sense. When we don’t understand something we fear the potential harm. It’s important to always use critical thinking and take a step back and think before reacting to something we don’t understand. Religion teaches to avoid thinking. But that’s not healthy. We must always think things through before reaching a decision.

2 Chronicles – Chapter 17: Jehoshaphat King of Judah

Today we switch back to 2 Chronicles where we get to learn more about kings.

“The Lord was with Jehoshaphat because he followed the ways of his father David before him.” – 2 Chronicles 17:3

God is with this king.

“The fear of the Lord fell on all the kingdoms of the lands surrounding Judah, so that they did not go to war against Jehoshaphat.” – 2 Chronicles 17:10

God is telling everyone to not fuck with Jehoshaphat.

We don’t find out in this chapter as the next several verses are about how many men Jehoshaphat has in the clans.

Coming Soon: 1 Kings – Chapter 17: Elijah Announces a Great Drought

1 Kings – Chapter 16:1-34: Baasha King of Israel

Today we move on to 1 Kings 16, which is also divided up according to the chronological guide I’m following.

“Then the word of the Lord came to Jehu son of Hanani concerning Baasha: I lifted you up from the dust and appointed you ruler over my people Israel, but you followed the ways of Jeroboam and caused my people Israel to sin and to arouse my anger by their sins. So I am about to wipe out Baasha and his house, and I will make your house like that of Jeroboam son of Nebat. Dogs will eat those belonging to Baasha who die in the city, and birds will feed on those who die in the country.’” – 1 Kings 16:1-4

So the king does bad and God is going to kill everyone? A just god? Nope. An asshole god is more like it.

“As soon as he began to reign and was seated on the throne, he killed off Baasha’s whole family. He did not spare a single male, whether relative or friend.” – 1 Kings 16:11

Let the killing commence!

The rest of this chapter includes more random kings doing evil and than being killed. Again, why does God allow this? Right now God has his popcorn, 3D movie glasses, and is sitting back and enjoying the slaughter.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 17: Jehoshaphat King of Judah

2 Samuel 12:30

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today is one of those crazy verses that would have been so easy to fix had the authors just taken a moment to proofread. Instead, it makes what is already a ridiculous book even more ridiculous.

“David took the crown from their king’s head, and it was placed on his own head. It weighed a talent of gold, and it was set with precious stones.” – 2 Samuel 12:30

A talent is about 75 pounds. Think about that for second and image placing 75 pounds on your head. I’m not saying it isn’t possible, but it isn’t anywhere near comfortable or easy and just comes across as plain stupid. Why not say the crown weighed 10 pounds. That’s already a heavy weight to place on one’s head, but at least it is more believable.