2 Kings – Chapter 6: An Axhead Floats

The title to today’s chapter says it all. I’m guessing a heavy metal ax head is going to float on water. 🙂

“As one of them was cutting down a tree, the iron axhead fell into the water. ‘Oh no, my lord!’ he cried out. ‘It was borrowed!’” – 2 Kings 6:5

Oh no indeed!

“The man of God asked, ‘Where did it fall?’ When he showed him the place, Elisha cut a stick and threw it there, and made the iron float.” – 2 Kings 6:6

Bullshit. Maybe if Elisha used a strong magnet and the water was shallow, but a stick? Nope, one big fucking lie.

“There was a great famine in the city; the siege lasted so long that a donkey’s head sold for eighty shekel of silver, and a quarter of a cab of seed pods for five shekels.” – 2 Kings 6:27

Times must be tough if donkey heads are for sale.

“She answered, ‘This woman said to me, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him today, and tomorrow we’ll eat my son.’ So we cooked my son and ate him. The next day I said to her, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him,’ but she had hidden him.’” – 2 Kings 6:28-29

What the fucking fuck?

“When the king heard the woman’s words, he tore his robes.” – 2 Kings 6:30

I don’t understand why the first reaction in the Bible is so often the tearing of one’s clothes.

Well, that was an interesting chapter. We had floating ax heads, donkey heads, and cannibalism. Just your typical day in the Bible!

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 7: The Siege Lifted

Atheism Quotes – Concerned Atheists

I’m not entirely sure who is credited with this quote, but the site I found it on simply credited it to “Concerned Atheists” which I assume means Atheists in general. Anyway, here it is:

“We’ll stop caring what you believe in…just as soon as what you believe in stops influencing the decisions of those in power, thereby affecting our lives. Negatively, I might add.” – Concerned Atheists

Asking Atheists why they care about religion is a common question from Theists. The answer, as the quote states, is simple. When your religion is pushed on others and continually has a negative effect, Atheists have a problem with that. They are concerned and they won’t sit down quietly. Your make believe god doesn’t control us.

2 Kings – Chapter 5: Naaman Healed of Leprosy

We continue in 2 Kings today with the fifth chapter.

“He (Naaman) was a valiant soldier, but he had leprosy.” – 2 Kings 5:1

The tone for the chapter is set.

“So Naaman went with his horses and chariots and stopped at the door of Elisha’s house. Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, ‘Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed.’” – 2 Kings 5:9-10

Naaman has been told he can be cured of his leprosy. I’d be angry too if I was told taking a bath would cure leprosy.

“So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.” – 2 Kings 5:14

BAHAHAHAHAHA! Turns out Naaman didn’t have leprosy if a bath cleared his skin. The simple solution points to the fact that Naaman was simply dirty.

“‘Naaman’s leprosy will cling to you and to your descendants forever.’” Then Gehazi went from Elisha’s presence and his skin was leprous—it had become as white as snow.” – 2 Kings 5:27

Um…that’s not how leprosy works. Leprosy is a bacterial disease that is not highly contagious. You can’t just will it on someone.

This chapter was one big pile of scientific nonsense. Leprosy isn’t simply cured by someone’s will. It takes antibiotics to treat, which did not exist in biblical times.

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 6: An Axhead Floats

2 Kings – Chapter 4: The Widow’s Olive Oil

I’m very curious to discuss today’s chapter given the title. A widow’s olive oil? It just sound intriguing!

“The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, ‘Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he revered the Lord. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves.’” 2 Kings 4:1

Reminder #8204 that God condones slavery.

“Elisha replied to her, ‘How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?’ ‘Your servant has nothing there at all,’ she said, ‘except a small jar of olive oil.’ Elisha said, ‘Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don’t ask for just a few. Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side.’” – 2 Kings 4:2-4

Hopefully you see the problem in what is about to happen. A tiny jar of olive oil is about to be used to fill many, many jars. This is not possible. Once again, the Bible asks you to do away with all critical thinking in favor of make believe in an attempt to control you and the masses.

“She went and told the man of God, and he said, ‘Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left.’” – 2 Kings 4:7

Instead of offering a real solution to income inequality, God resorts to fakery and illusion that does not help this woman.

“Let’s make a small room on the roof and put in it a bed and a table, a chair and a lamp for him. Then he can stay there whenever he comes to us.” – 2 Kings 4:10

A small room ON the roof? Um…okay.

“But the woman became pregnant, and the next year about that same time she gave birth to a son, just as Elisha had told her.” – 2 Kings 4:17

God gets a woman who can’t get pregnant pregnant.

“After the servant had lifted him up and carried him to his mother, the boy sat on her lap until noon, and then he died.” – 2 Kings 4:20

And then God kills the child. This is the God you worship, Christians. A sick, disgusting God created by humans to control the masses.

“When she reached the man of God at the mountain, she took hold of his feet. Gehazi came over to push her away, but the man of God said, ‘Leave her alone! She is in bitter distress, but the Lord has hidden it from me and has not told me why.’” – 2 Kings 4:27

As always, God hides himself when others are suffering.

“Then he got on the bed and lay on the boy, mouth to mouth, eyes to eyes, hands to hands. As he stretched himself out on him, the boy’s body grew warm. Elisha turned away and walked back and forth in the room and then got on the bed and stretched out on him once more. The boy sneezed seven times and opened his eyes.” – 2 Kings 4:34-35

So Elisha raped the dead child’s corpse and the child came back to life. Disgusting and fucking bullshit.

The chapter ends with a short story on famine, twenty loaves of bread, and feeding 100 people with these twenty loaves of bread. Similar to the rest of the Bible…bullshit.

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 5: Naaman Healed of Leprosy

Matthew 1:18

This year Christmas and Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday are on the same day. Given the holiday, today’s verse on the virgin birth of Jesus is perfect!

“His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit.” – 1 Matthew 1:18

I’ll be blunt. A virgin birth in humans in IMPOSSIBLE! Sorry, didn’t happen! Mary had sex with someone! Sorry Christians, you are simply wrong. If you believe a virgin birth happened, you have lost all critical thinking ability.

2 Kings – Chapter 3: Moab Revolts

Thus far 2 Kings has been a bloody mess and I doubt this chapter will be any different.

“Jora son of Ahab became king of Israel in Samaria in the eighteenth year of Jehoshaphat king of Judah, and he reigned twelve years. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord” – 2 Kings 3:1-2

Of course he did evil in the eyes of the Lord because pretty much everyone does evil in the eyes of the Lord. Even those who do good are often punished. Take one look at Job. Doing good isn’t all that great either when it comes to God’s punishments.

“While the harpist was playing, the hand of the Lord came on Elisha and he said, ‘This is what the Lord says: I will fill this valley with pools of water.’” 2 Kings 3:15-16

Once again, God makes no appearance. Elisha can say anything he wants and say it is the word of God. This is the very definition of controlling the masses. Religion is a man made creation to control the masses.

“The next morning, about the time for offering the sacrifice, there it was—water flowing from the direction of Edom! And the land was filled with water.” – 2 Kings 3:20

In other words it rained a lot and there was a flash flood. Happens all the time across the globe. In biblical times God did this to help people, but now he just does it because of the gays. Seriously, that is the excuse Christians give for natural disasters. Okay, obviously not all Christians, but far too many of them.

“They destroyed the towns, and each man threw a stone on every good field until it was covered.” – 2 Kings 3:25

If the towns were destroyed and the people killed, why fill the fields with stones? There are no people left to farm the fields, so what’s the point?

“Then he took his firstborn son, who was to succeed him as king, and offered him as a sacrifice on the city wall. The fury against Israel was great; they withdrew and returned to their own land.” – 2 Kings 3:27

So much death for no reason. God killed the descendant of the person who did evil in his eyes. Once again, punish the innocents. It’s God’s way.

That concludes this chapter. More blood. More death. More punished innocents.

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 4: The Widow’s Olive Oil