Jonah – Chapter 2: Jonah’s Prayer

We ended the last chapter of Jonah by seeing Jonah swallowed by a big fish and surviving for 3 days. I know, crazy, but just go with it. 🙂

“From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the Lord his God.” – Jonah 2:1

Given God caused this, the appropriate action is to curse at God.

“But you, Lord my God, brought my life up from the pit.” – Jonah 2:6

Sorry Jonah, but God forcing you into a fish’s belly is the very definition of sending you to a pit, not lifting you up.

“And the Lord commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.” – Jonah 2:10

JFC. Vomited from the fish? This god is a sick and disgusting higher being. Or…wait for it…he doesn’t exist!!!

That concludes this short chapter. Jonah was swallowed by a fish, survived for three days, and then vomited back up. Yummy.

Coming Soon: Jonah – Chapter 3: Jonah Goes to Nineveh

Jude 1:5

Today is Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and I’ve chosen a verse out of the book of Jude in the New Testament.

“Though you already know all this, I want to remind you that the Lord at one time delivered his people out of Egypt, but later destroyed those who did not believe.” – Jude 1:5

Christians will have you believe the Bible, and in particular the New Testament, is a book of peace, kindness, and love. It is not. Time is taken in this chapter to show that God destroyed those who did not believe in him. Is that the sign of a loving and just god? No, it isn’t. God has the ability to show himself and convince EVERYONE he is real. Instead he stays hidden and chooses to kill those that critically think through the issues.

Jonah – Chapter 1: Jonah Flees From the Lord

Today we start the book of Jonah. Buckle in people, because it is about to be quite the ride!

“The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: ‘Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.’ But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.” – Jonah 1:1-3

If you know the temper tantrum the Lord throws on a regular basis, you’d flee him too!

Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up.” – Jonah 1:4

God has the ability to convince Jonah through every imaginable method, but chooses violence. That tells you all you need to know about this god.

“‘Pick me up and throw me into the sea,’ he replied, ‘and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you.’” – Jonah 1:12

Jonah, don’t blame yourself. It is not your fault. God caused this storm.

“Now the Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.” – 1 Jonah 1:17

I mean, it’s not any crazier than a talking snake and a talking donkey, am I right? 🙂

The book of Jonah begins with God getting pissed at Jonah, forcing him to be thrown overboard and eaten by a fish in which he survives for three days! ROFL!

Coming Soon: Jonah – Chapter 2: Jonah’s Prayer

Introduction to Jonah

In following the chronological guide to the Bible I’m using, we next move to the book of Jonah. This is a short book, consisting of only four chapters. The book details the story of Jonah, a man who God gives a mission. Jonah, however, does not want this mission (as if God cares what Jonah’s wishes are) and tries to flee. In fleeing, he gets swallowed by a whale and survives for several days.

Yes, you read that right. Jonah lives inside a whale’s belly for several days and survives. The book is filled with many verses I could, and have in some cases, used for Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday. So get ready for a four chapter ride over the next several posts as we take a look at the life of a man who lived inside a whale…and lived! LOL!

2 Chronicles – Chapter 25: Amaziah King of Judah

Apparently the story of Amaziah was so important and crucial that the authors of the Bible included it twice. As we learned in a previous post, Amaziah is the king who does right in the eyes of the Lord, but because he wasn’t 100% right, he is punished, just as those who do evil in the eyes of the Lord.

“He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, but not wholeheartedly.” – 2 Chronicles 25:2

Again, this makes no sense. Either he did right in the eyes of the Lord, or he didn’t.

“Yet he did not put their children to death…” – 2 Chronicles 25:4

And herein lies Amaziah’s mistake. He didn’t kill the children. God has multiple times punished the children and grandchildren of the sinner. But Amaziah was too just and only killed those who committed a crime. He didn’t kill the innocent children as God always wants.

“The army of Judah also captured ten thousand men alive, took them to the top of a cliff and threw them down so that all were dashed to pieces.” – 2 Chronicles 25:12

Biblical justice. Take no prisoners!

The chapter continues on, but to sum it up, Amaziah eventually dies. People were killed, the king dies, and a new king is installed. The amazing life those in biblical times suffered through.

Coming Soon: Jonah – Chapter 1: Jonah Flees From the Lord

Matthew 5:17

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and although I’ve discussed this verse in the past, it is a good one that most Christians ignore. Christians believe in a kind, loving Jesus, but Jesus himself, according to the Bible, debunks this characteristic.

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.” – Matthew 5:17

This does not simply refer to the ten commandments. It refers to all of the old law. This includes every law God passed down to Moses. This includes the execution of those who practice homosexuality or sexual immorality. This includes the execution or maiming of those who commit minor crimes. This includes the execution of those who break a tiny rule regarding sacrifices and properly cleaning oneself.

There are many, many ridiculous old laws, but Jesus tells us he is here to follow them all. Therefore Jesus is not kind and loving. A kind and loving deity would not punish people for who they are. A kind and loving deity would be truly just.