Isaiah – Chapter 5: The Song of the Vineyard

Our last look in Isaiah ended with God setting a forest fire to protect the people. Can this chapter get any more insane?

“My loved one had a vineyard  on a fertile hillside.” – Isaiah 5:1

This sets the plot for this chapter.

“Then he looked for a crop of good grapes, but it yielded only bad fruit.” – Isaiah 5:2

Well, he tried. 🙂

“What more could have been done for my vineyard than I have done for it?” – Isaiah 5:4

If you haven’t caught on yet, there is no vineyard in this story. 🙂

“The vineyard of the Lord Almighty is the nation of Israel, and the people of Judah  are the vines he delighted in. And he looked for justice, but saw bloodshed; for righteousness, but heard cries of distress.” – Isaiah 5:7

Well, let’s see. You are an all-powerful god that has the power to do anything he fucking likes. If the vineyard failed, it’s your own fucking fault.

“A ten-acre vineyard will produce only a bath of wine;   a homer of seed will yield only an ephah of grain.” – Isaiah 5:10

God pissed he can’t grow a ‘vineyard’ so he’ll fuck up all other ‘vineyards’ out of spite.

“Therefore my people will go into exile  for lack of understanding; those of high rank will die of hunger   and the common people will be parched with thirst.” – Isaiah 5:13

All because God sucks at farming.

“But the Lord Almighty will be exalted by his justice, and the holy God will be proved holy by his righteous acts.” – Isaiah 5:16

By killing everyone?

“Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight.” – Isaiah 5:21

Woe to those who think critically.

“Therefore the Lord’s anger burns against his people; his hand is raised and he strikes them down. The mountains shake, and the dead bodies are like refuse in the streets.” – Isaiah 5:25

God is pissed that he forgot to water his ‘vineyard’, so he kills a bunch of people and lets them rot in the street. This is your loving god, Christians.

If anything, this chapter simply reinforces the well documented fact that God sucks at parenting.

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 6: Isaiah’s Commission

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