Isaiah – Chapter 39: Envoys From Babylon

Today we continue our trek through the book of Isaiah by entering Babylon.

“Then Isaiah said to Hezekiah, ‘Hear the word of the Lord Almighty:  The time will surely come when everything in your palace, and all that your predecessors have stored up until this day, will be carried off to Babylon. Nothing will be left, says the Lord.  And some of your descendants, your own flesh and blood who will be born to you, will be taken away, and they will become eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon.’” – Isaiah 39:5-7

Hello, I’m the all-powerful god who can do anything and I’m telling you that you are about to be robbed and your kids abducted, and guess what…I’m not doing a fucking thing about it.

“‘The word of the Lord you have spoken is good,’ Hezekiah replied. For he thought, ‘There will be peace and security in my lifetime.’” – Isaiah 39:8

I’m sorry, what? This is good? This is a sign of peace? Sigh.

This was a short chapter in which God tells Hezekiah, through Isaiah, that he will be robbed and Hezekiah replies that this is good. Only in the Bible do you see this nonsense.

Coming Soon: Psalm – Chapter 76: For the director of music. With stringed instruments. A psalm of Asaph. A song.

1 Peter 3:1-2

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is a heavy dose of misogyny.

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” – 1 Peter 3:1-2

Wives are to submit to their husbands so that when a husband does not believe the word of God, the wife’s submission to the husband’s every desire and need will help him see God. Seriously? If God is so good, why can’t the husbands do the right thing on their own? A woman has to give up her desires and ambitions in life so her husband can see God? Fuck that shit.

Isaiah – Chapter 38: Hezekiah’s Illness

God killed several hundred thousand in the last chapter so let’s see what sort of evil he brings in this chapter. 

“In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, ‘This is what the Lord says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover.’” – Isaiah 38:1

God is brutally honest. This dude is as good as dead.

“Then the word of the Lord came to Isaiah: ‘Go and tell Hezekiah, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will add fifteen years to your life.’’” – Isaiah 38:4-5

Oh for fuck’s sake!

“This is the Lord’s sign to you that the Lord will do what he has promised: I will make the shadow cast by the sun go back the ten steps it has gone down on the stairway of Ahaz.” – Isaiah 38:7-8

Or…and hear me out on this one…God could just stop being a coward and show himself.

“Isaiah had said, ‘Prepare a poultice of figs and apply it to the boil, and he will recover.’” – Isaiah 38:21

Wait…God says he will add 15 years to Hezekiah’s life, but the only way to do so is to boil some figs? WTF!?!?!?!

People are suffering all over at the hands of God, but God is so petty that he only helps those (sometimes) who beg before him. A disgusting god.

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 39: Envoys From Babylon

Share and Like Meme

Today’s meme that I found really makes me wonder what the Bible would say if it was written today. Obviously it would be very different and likely include social media use of some kind. The ten commandments would likely be very different or have additional commandments. For example, thou must liketh and shareth all facebook posts asking thou to doest. 🙂

Isaiah – Chapter 37: Jerusalem’s Deliverance Foretold

In today’s chapter, Jerusalem will be delivered! Or so the title suggests. Let’s find out if that is really the case.

“When King Hezekiah heard this, he tore his clothes and put on sackcloth and went into the temple of the Lord.” – Isaiah 37:1

What is it with biblical characters tearing their clothes and wearing sackcloths???

“And Hezekiah prayed to the Lord: ‘Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth.’” – Isaiah 37:15

How can God be God of all kingdoms when he orders most kingdoms to be destroyed?

“Then the angel of the Lord went out and put to death a hundred and eighty-five thousand in the Assyrian camp. When the people got up the next morning—there were all the dead bodies!” – Isaiah 37:36

Never forget that while God is killing you, he truly loves you.

“One day, while he was worshiping in the temple of his god Nisrok, his sons Adrammelek and Sharezer killed him with the sword, and they escaped to the land of Ararat. And Esarhaddon his son succeeded him as king.” – Isaiah 37:38

And thus we have another bloody death of a king.

A god of love and peace? Hardly. Jerusalem was delivered through the bloody death of hundreds of thousands.

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 38: Hezekiah’s Illness

Isaiah – Chapter 36: Sennacherib Threatens Jerusalem

Today we take a look at Isaiah 36. Let’s jump right in.

“In the fourteenth year of King Hezekiah’s reign, Sennacherib king of Assyria attacked all the fortified cities of Judah and captured them.” – Isaiah 36:1

This sets the tone of the chapter and continues to show that God has no interest in peace.

“Furthermore, have I come to attack and destroy this land without the Lord? The Lord himself told me to march against this country and destroy it.” – Isaiah 36:10

This verse makes it clear that the destruction is ordered by God.

“But the commander replied, ‘Was it only to your master and you that my master sent me to say these things, and not to the people sitting on the wall—who, like you, will have to eat their own excrement and drink their own urine?’” – Isaiah 36:12

Eating your own poo and drinking your own piss? Only in the Bible!

“Then Eliakim son of Hilkiah the palace administrator, Shebna the secretary and Joah son of Asaph the recorder went to Hezekiah, with their clothes torn, and told him what the field commander had said.” – Isaiah 36:22

Torn clothes? Um…okay.

This chapter again shows us that God is not interested in peace. He is only interested in death and destruction.

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 37: Jerusalem’s Deliverance Foretold

Matthew 1:1

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today I’ve chosen the first verse in the New Testament.

“This is the genealogy of Jesus the Messiah the son of David, the son of Abraham:” – Matthew 1:1

Why is this crazy? Well, it assumes there is a known genealogy of Jesus. It assumes a Jesus existed when there isn’t strong evidence that is the case. It assumes we have evidence the ancestors of Jesus, if he existed, existed. It assumes we have records, other than the Bible, that any of this ancestor list is true. You’d have to believe a donkey can talk in order to believe this genealogy presented in the Bible is correct.

Isaiah – Chapter 35: Joy of the Redeemed

Today we continue in the book of Isaiah, taking a look at chapter 35. 

“Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, ‘Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.’” – Isaiah 35:3-4

This contradicts the many, many verses in the Bible in which one’s fear of God is REQUIRED in order to follow him.

“Then will the eyes of the blind be opened  and the ears of the deaf unstopped.” – Isaiah 35:5

Nope, didn’t happen. Not unless the individuals were not really blind or deaf.

“The burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs.” – Isaiah 35:7

Nope, not possible. Sand cannot turn into water.

“And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness;” – Isaiah 35:8

LOL! A highway of holiness??? Bahahahahahahahaha!

What did we learn in this chapter? Not much. Just a bunch of verses on physically impossible things that did not happen. Or can only happen in a world in which you believe donkeys talk.

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 36: Sennacherib Threatens Jerusalem

Jesus the Parking Spot Finder

Today’s meme describes too many Christians too well. Jesus is always there for the mundane things, but whenever his magical powers are truly needed, like curing terminally ill children, he’s nowhere to be found.

Isaiah – Chapter 34: Judgment Against the Nations

Given the title of this chapter, it sure looks like a few nations are going to face some death and destruction.

“The Lord is angry with all nations; his wrath is on all their armies. He will totally destroy them, he will give them over to slaughter.” – Isaiah 34:2

Ah shit, God’s pissy! Some people are going to get their asses kicked to death!

“Their slain will be thrown out, their dead bodies will stink; the mountains will be soaked with their blood.” – Isaiah 34:3

Yep, the dead are dead and they are stinking up the land!

“All the stars in the sky will be dissolved” – Isaiah 34:4

God is so mad he’s destroying all of the stars!!! LOL!

“The sword of the Lord is bathed in blood,” – Isaiah 34:6

In case there was any debate that God is the one doing the killing, this verse clears it up.

The chapter ends with several more verses on how horrible God is going to make things for the people, but you get the point. God is a pissy asshole.

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 35: Joy of the Redeemed