1 Chronicles 16:30

It’s another edition of Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today God doesn’t understand how the Earth works. The Earth that he supposedly created!

“The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.” – 1 Chronicles 16:30

Let’s count the ways in which the Earth moves. The Earth moves on its own axis, moves around the Sun, moves around the center of the galaxy, which moves relative to space itself. The continental plates on Earth moves too, so even the surface of Earth moves. Earth’s axis direction changes over time too. Earth moves and it moves a lot, God is too science illiterate to know this.

Isaiah – Chapter 52: Untitled

Our trek through Isaiah continues this week.

“The uncircumcised and defiled will not enter you again.” – Isaiah 52:1

Yeah, those people with uncut dicks will never harm you again! 🙂

“At first my people went down to Egypt to live; lately, Assyria has oppressed them.” – Isaiah 52:4

God really shouldn’t be talking about Egypt because this whole thing starts with God hardening the hearts of the Egyptians, forcing them to cause harm to the Israelites.

“And all day long my name is constantly blasphemed.” – Isaiah 52:5

Particularly in bed! LOL!

“But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard.” – Isaiah 52:12

Don’t worry, the God who caused you harm will protect you. Sigh.

There is so much repetition in the Bible and so much of it all focuses on the same thing. God will protect you. Yet many times he doesn’t and when he does, he only protects from the things he caused. It’s like saving a person from a fire you intentionally started. Sorry, you don’t get credit for that and God doesn’t get credit for protecting from the harm he intentionally causes.

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 53: Untitled

Isaiah – Chapter 51: Everlasting Salvation for Zion

Today’s chapter comes with everlasting salvation, but we’ve learned before that this comes with a price and even when you pay that price, God sometimes still punishes you. See Job for the perfect example of this.

“Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the Lord: Look to the rock from which you were cut  and to the quarry from which you were hewn; look to Abraham, your father, and to Sarah, who gave you birth.” – Isaiah 51:1-2

Look to Abraham who was willing and ready to kill his own son? I don’t think so!

“The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins;” – Isaiah 51:3

Ruins that God caused. Let us not forget this very important point.

“But my righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations.” – Isaiah 51:8

Forever doesn’t really mean forever. It means until you don’t do the right thing or until God just randomly gets pissy again and decides to start a war or kill you.

“Your children have fainted; they lie at every street corner, like antelope caught in a net. They are filled with the wrath of the Lord, with the rebuke of your God.” – Isaiah 51:20

God punishing more children.

Sigh…this is supposed to be yet another chapter in which God is great and will protect all. But the protection God may be providing is only protection needed due to the harm that God has brought himself to this world. This is not a good god.

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 52: Untitled

Isaiah – Chapter 50: Israel’s Sin and the Servant’s Obedience

We continue in the book of Isaiah today with Chapter 50.

“Because of your sins you were sold; because of your transgressions your mother was sent away.” – Isaiah 50:1

God has punished the mother for the sins of the son. SMH.

“The Sovereign Lord has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.” – Isaiah 50:4

Um…sure.

“But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires  and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand:  You will lie down in torment.” – Isaiah 50:11

In other words, don’t you dare think for yourself. The flaming torches are the light of your own critical thinking and God doesn’t want you thinking on your own.

Sigh…another chapter in which God punishes critical thinking.

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 51: Everlasting Salvation for Zion

Exodus 4:11

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and God is great! Right? Right?!?!!????? Well, let’s see what today’s verse says about the greatness of God.

“The Lord said to him, ‘Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?’” – Exodus 4:11

God is so great that he chooses to give people disabilities. You know what, God? Go fuck yourself.

Isaiah – Chapter 49: The Servant of the Lord

After a short move over to Psalms for a few chapters, we move back to the book of Isaiah. 

“Before I was born the Lord called me;  from my mother’s womb he has spoken my name.” – Isaiah 49:1

No he didn’t. This is just your attempt to get the people to follow your every demand for your own personal gain.

“he says: ‘It is too small a thing for you to be my servant  to restore the tribes of Jacob  and bring back those of Israel I have kept. I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth.’” – Isaiah 49:6

Um…sure. Sure God said you could also control these other people too because controlling one set of people is just too small of thing for you. Bullshit.

“This is what the Lord says: ‘In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you;” – Isaiah 49:8

As God always says but never does.

“I will turn all my mountains into roads,  and my highways will be raised up.” – Isaiah 49:11

Sure. That’s not how mountains work, but whatever floats your boat.

“But Zion said, ‘The Lord has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me.’ ‘Can a mother forget the baby at her breast   and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget,  I will not forget you!’” – Isaiah 49:14-15

Even the worst mother is a better parent than God has ever shown himself to be in the Bible. God has killed thousands and likely millions of babies!

“But this is what the Lord says: ‘Yes, captives will be taken from warriors, and plunder retrieved from the fierce; I will contend with those who contend with you,   and your children I will save.’” – Isaiah 49:25

Does that count the children God kills first? Like all of those first borns killed in Egypt?

“I will make your oppressors eat their own flesh;   they will be drunk on their own blood, as with wine.” – Isaiah 49:26

Um…so God is forcing cannibalism? Confused? Don’t worry. God loves you and works in mysterious ways.

What bullshit. It’s hard to take the Bible seriously when God demands cannibalism.

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 50: Israel’s Sin and the Servant’s Obedience

Psalm – Chapter 135: Untitled

Today we have one more chapter in Psalms before heading back to Isaiah.

“Praise the Lord.” – Psalm 135:1

No.

“Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good;” – Psalm 135:3

God is angry and jealous. That is not the same as good.

“The Lord does whatever pleases him,” – Psalm 135:6

Well, that is certainly true! God does indeed do whatever pleases him, including rape and murder.

“He struck down the firstborn of Egypt,” – Psalm 135:8

Yes, God is good by killing the firstborn babies in Egypt. Soooo good.

“He struck down many nations and killed mighty kings—” – Psalm 135:10

More of God being good. Killing.

“Praise the Lord.” – Psalm 135:21

Again, no.

I love how in the same chapter the Bible describes God as good and then a couple of verses later saying he does what he pleases and then kills the firstborn of Egypt. LOL! Good by killing. SMH.

Coming Soon: Isaiah 49: The Servant of the Lord

Psalm – Chapter 80: For the director of music. To the tune of “The Lilies of the Covenant.” Of Asaph. A psalm.

Today we continue with Psalm 80.

“Hear us, Shepherd of Israel, you who lead Joseph like a flock.” – Psalm 80:1

Bad analogy. Good shepherds do not abandon their flock.

“How long, Lord God Almighty, will your anger smolder against the prayers of your people?” – Psalm 80:4

A god who is angry all the time does not love you. This god is an abuser.

“Restore us, Lord God Almighty; make your face shine on us, that we may be saved.” – Psalm 80:19

God leads by fear. Not love. The people are scared of him and begged him to save them. There is no love in this god.

Another chapter in Psalms in which the people are begging to be saved, to be loved. This angry, jealous god does not love them.

Coming Soon: Psalm – Chapter 135: Untitled