Zephaniah – Chapter 1: Judgment on the Whole Earth in the Day of the Lord

A new chapter, Zephaniah, so let’s just right in.

“The word of the Lord that came to Zephaniah son of Cushi, the son of Gedaliah, the son of Amariah, the son of Hezekiah, during the reign of Josiah son of Amon king of Judah:” – Zephaniah 1:1

God supposedly speaks to Zephaniah.

“‘I will sweep away everything from the face of the earth,’ declares the Lord.” – Zephaniah 1:2

But remember, God loves you!

“‘When I destroy all mankind on the face of the earth,’ declares the Lord” – Zephaniah 1:3

God makes it clear he is destroying everyone.

“The great day of the Lord is near—near and coming quickly.” – Zephaniah 1:14

Wow! The “great day” is the day that God destroys everyone on Earth??? LOL!

“I will bring such distress on all people that they will grope about like those who are blind, because they have sinned against the Lord.” – Zephaniah 1:17

All those sinning babies are about to meet God’s wrath!

“In the fire of his jealousy the whole earth will be consumed, for he will make a sudden end of all who live on the earth.” – Zephaniah 1:18

There’s no doubt about it, God is going to destroy everyone on Earth.

God is not mincing words in this chapter. He’s pissed that his all-perfect self created less than perfect humans and now his perfect solution is to destroy and kill everyone. SMH.

Coming Soon: Zephaniah – Chapter 2: Judah and Jerusalem Judged Along With the Nation

Introduction to Zephaniah

It’s time to move into a new book of the Bible, Zephaniah. Zephaniah is not one of those well known books. I never remember it discussed in church or bible study classes I attended. I don’t remember it in my confirmation classes as a kid. Then again, I only really remember the pastor making us go to church and memorizing the first 5 books of the Bible. So what happens in Zephaniah?

Zephaniah is a minor prophet, which is part of the reason this is a little known book in the Bible. But hold on, there’s no solid evidence the book of Zephaniah was even written by a person named Zephaniah. LOL. The Israelites are not following all of God’s rules, some of which are jus stupid and silly, so Zephaniah comes along and tries to convince them that if they start following God’s rules, God might forgive them.

Zephaniah is a short book in the Bible consisting of just three chapters. We’ll take a look at each of these chapters and then move into Jeremiah.

Matthew 4:1

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is…crazy. 🙂

“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.” – Matthew 4:1

So let’s get this straight. God is all-knowing and all-powerful. Nothing can trick him. He has a son, Jesus, who is also himself. Its own set of crazy. God then sends his son, himself, into the wilderness to be tempted by Satan as a test of his son, himself. Um…not the actions of an all-knowing and powerful god.

2 Chronicles – Chapter 35: Josiah Celebrates the Passover

Today we continue in the book of 2 Chronicles.

“The Passover had not been observed like this in Israel since the days of the prophet Samuel; and none of the kings of Israel had ever celebrated such a Passover as did Josiah, with the priests, the Levites and all Judah and Israel who were there with the people of Jerusalem.” – 2 Chronicles 35:18

This chapter starts with all of the preparations taken for the Passover.

“Josiah, however, would not turn away from him, but disguised himself to engage him in battle. He would not listen to what Necho had said at God’s command but went to fight him on the plain of Megiddo.” – 2 Chronicles 35:22

Josiah is about to meet his end.

“Archers shot King Josiah, and he told his officers, ‘Take me away; I am badly wounded.’ So they took him out of his chariot, put him in his other chariot and brought him to Jerusalem, where he died.” – 2 Chronicles 35:23-24

The Bible says Josiah is a king who does good in the eyes of the Lord, yet God has Josiah killed before his natural time.

What did we learn in this chapter? Josiah threw a big party for God that God approved and then God had Josiah killed in battle. Yep.

Coming Soon: Zephaniah – Chapter 1: Judgment on the Whole Earth in the Day of the Lord

2 Chronicles – Chapter 34: Josiah’s Reforms

Today we move to 2 Chronicles 34 which repeats the story of King Josiah, the king who does everything God wants, but God still has him killed in battle.

“She said to them, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: Tell the man who sent you to me, ‘This is what the Lord says: I am going to bring disaster on this place and its people—all the curses written in the book that has been read in the presence of the king of Judah.’’” – 2 Chronicles 34:23-24

Similar to 2 Kings, God punishes those who he didn’t tell the law to.

I won’t bother adding anything else. Just read the posts on 2 Kings 22. This chapter is just a repeat of that chapter.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 35: Josiah Celebrates the Passover

2 Kings – Chapter 23: Josiah Renews the Covenant

In the last chapter in 2 Kings we learned that God punishes people before he tells them the laws he wants them to follow. What will we learn today? Let’s find out.

“The king stood by the pillar and renewed the covenant in the presence of the Lord—to follow the Lord and keep his commands, statutes and decrees with all his heart and all his soul, thus confirming the words of the covenant written in this book. Then all the people pledged themselves to the covenant.” – 2 Kings 23:3

The king and his people agree to follow God’s laws.

“Although the priests of the high places did not serve at the altar of the Lord in Jerusalem, they ate unleavened bread with their fellow priests.” – 2 Kings 23:9

They ate the wrong bread, of course they should be punished. LOL

“Then Josiah looked around, and when he saw the tombs that were there on the hillside, he had the bones removed from them and burned on the altar to defile it, in accordance with the word of the Lord proclaimed by the man of God who foretold these things.” – 2 Kings 23:16

God told Josiah to burn bones? Um…sure. Read the verse carefully. God didn’t actually say this. It is God supposedly speaking through a prophet who says this. Sounds like the prophet was just trying to see what crazy things he could make the king do!

“Josiah slaughtered all the priests of those high places on the altars and burned human bones on them.” – 2 Kings 23:20

Remember that Josiah did right in the eyes of God. God approves of the slaughter of the priests.

“Neither before nor after Josiah was there a king like him who turned to the Lord as he did—with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his strength, in accordance with all the Law of Moses. Nevertheless, the Lord did not turn away from the heat of his fierce anger, which burned against Judah because of all that Manasseh had done to arouse his anger.” – 2 Kings 23:25-26

Bahahahaha! Josiah does everything God has asked but God turns around and says, nope, I’m still fucking pissed and you shall pay!!!

“While Josiah was king, Pharaoh Necho king of Egypt went up to the Euphrates River to help the king of Assyria. King Josiah marched out to meet him in battle, but Necho faced him and killed him at Megiddo.” – 2 Kings 23:29

The king who does everything God wants is killed in battle. LOL! The god of the Bible is the greatest asshole in storytelling history.

“He (Jehoahaz) did evil in the eyes of the Lord, just as his predecessors had done.” – 2 Kings 23:32

Good, bad, doesn’t matter. God still unjustly punishes the people.

“Jehoiakim was twenty-five years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem eleven years. His mother’s name was Zebidah daughter of Pedaiah; she was from Rumah. And he did evil in the eyes of the Lord, just as his predecessors had done.” – 2 Kings 23:37

Another bad king, but God is worse.

So what did we learn? We learned that God doesn’t give a shit if you do everything he asks. God will still punish you and kill you before your time. It’s his way. He’s an asshole.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 34: Josiah’s Reforms

Obadiah 8

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse tells us everything you need to know about the god of the Bible. He (or rather the authors who made him up) don’t want you to think.

“‘In that day,’ declares the Lord, ‘will I not destroy the wise men of Edom, those of understanding in the mountains of Esau?’” – Obadiah 8

Thinking is prohibited in the Bible. Gaining knowledge is against the law of God. Because to think critically will open holes in the belief of God. Therefore critically thinking through issues is bad in the Bible.

2 Kings – Chapter 22: The Book of the Law Found

Today we return to the book of 2 Kings where the book of law has been found. Finally we will know the truth of which laws to follow. Um…sure.

“He (Josiah) did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and followed completely the ways of his father David, not turning aside to the right or to the left.” – 2 Kings 22:2

Josiah did right in the eyes of God. Will he be rewarded or punished as others who have also done right?

“But they need not account for the money entrusted to them, because they are honest in their dealings.” – 2 Kings 22:7

Too often Christians believe the same thing of other Christians and all of a sudden you learn money is stolen from the church coffers!

“When the king heard the words of the Book of the Law, he tore his robes.” – 2 Kings 22:11

An interesting reaction to reading a book.

“Great is the Lord’s anger that burns against us because those who have gone before us have not obeyed the words of this book; they have not acted in accordance with all that is written there concerning us.” – 2 Kings 22:13

Ah, the asshole God who would punish those for going against a law they did not know because they just found the fucking law book. SMH.

“This is what the Lord says: I am going to bring disaster on this place and its people, according to everything written in the book the king of Judah has read.” – 2 Kings 22:17

Yep, an asshole God.

“This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says concerning the words you heard:Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before the Lord when you heard what I have spoken against this place and its people—that they would become a curse and be laid waste—and because you tore your robes and wept in my presence, I also have heard you, declares the Lord. Therefore I will gather you to your ancestors, and you will be buried in peace. Your eyes will not see all the disaster I am going to bring on this place.” – 2 Kings 22:18-20

How kind of God! He will lay waste to your land and kill you, but you’ll be buried in peace. LOL!

This chapter gives us a look at how God operates. He doesn’t care if you’ve ever seen the laws. You may have no idea what the laws are, but God is going to punish you if you break them. But remember, he loves you.

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 23: Josiah Renews the Covenant