Jeremiah – Chapter 22: Judgment Against Wicked Kings

Today God is going to judge some wicked kings. Time to see the value of that judgment.

“This is what the Lord says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of the oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place.” – Jeremiah 22:3

That’s all fine and dandy until you realize elsewhere in the Bible God proclaims slavery, rape, and killing of babies just and right.

“He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well.” – Jeremiah 22:16

Okay, so this is good. Defending the poor and needy is a righteous cause. The problem is one doesn’t need a god to know this. Particularly when this god also condones slavery, rape, and infanticide.

“I will hurl you and the mother who gave you birth into another country, where neither of you, as born, and there you both will die.” – Jeremiah 22:26

God again punishes a random person who wasn’t involved in the act God says is evil. A just God? No fucking way.

“I will hurl you and the mother who gave you birth into another country, where neither of you was born, and there you both will die.” – Jeremiah 22:28

I don’t know why God threw out the children. Well, we do know. He’s an asshole.

More evidence God is nothing but an evil asshole.

Coming Soon: Jeremiah – Chapter 23: The Righteous Branch

Song of Songs 2:6

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and I think I’ll stay within the book of Song of Songs for awhile. There’s so much good stuff in this book, particularly when Christianity is so prudish on sex.

“His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.” – Song of Songs 2:6

Now, what is meant by embrace? I’m taking it as he either has his right arm/hand cupping her breasts, or he’s fingering her. 🙂 It’s all in the Bible folks. 🙂

Jeremiah – Chapter 21: God Rejects Zedekiah’s Request

Based on the title of today’s chapter, we can expect God to put the smackdown on Zedekiah’s request. Let’s see what Zedekiah requested.

“But Jeremiah answered them, Tell Zedekiah, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I am about to turn against you the weapons of war that are in your hands, which you are using to fight the king of Babylon and the Babylonians who are outside the wall besieging you. And I will gather them inside this city.  I myself will fight against you with an outstretched hand and a mighty arm in furious anger and in great wrath.  I will strike down those who live in this city—both man and beast—and they will die of a terrible plague.  After that, declares the Lord, I will give Zedekiah king of Judah, his officials and the people in this city who survive the plague, sword and famine, into the hands of Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon and to their enemies who want to kill them. He will put them to the sword; he will show them no mercy or pity or compassion.’” – Jeremiah 21:3-7

That’s a big “Fuck You” from God. 🙂

And that’s pretty much it in this chapter. A few more verses on God saying he will destroy the city and the surrounding land. Typical God stuff.

Coming Soon: Jeremiah – Chapter 22: Judgment Against Wicked Kings

Song of Songs Meme

I’m stuck on the Song of Songs lately, so here’s a Song of Songs meme. Particularly funny to all of The Office lovers out there!

Jeremiah – Chapter 20: Jeremiah and Pashhur

Our trek through Jeremiah continues today, so let’s jump right in.

“When the priest Pashhur son of Immer, the official in charge of the temple of the Lord, heard Jeremiah prophesying these things,  he had Jeremiah the prophet beaten and put in the stocks at the Upper Gate of Benjamin at the Lord’s temple.” – Jeremiah 20:1

Clearly, Jeremiah was unliked, which is true of pretty much every “prophet” we see today.

“For this is what the Lord says: ‘I will make you a terror to yourself and to all your friends; with your own eyes you will see them fall by the sword of their enemies.’” – Jeremiah 20:4

God once again punishes the wrong people. Instead of punishing the priest, God kills the priest’s friends. God is stupid.

“Lord Almighty, you who examine the righteous and probe the heart and mind, let me see your vengeance on them, for to you I have committed my cause.” – Jeremiah 20:12

These are the words of Jeremiah. I think we can all agree that Jeremiah declares himself a prophet and when the people don’t believe him, because who would, Jeremiah gets pissy and upset.

“Why did I ever come out of the womb to see trouble and sorrow and to end my days in shame?” – Jeremiah 20:18

It’s time for Jeremiah to find a new career path.

What did we learn in this chapter? Jeremiah is unliked and no one believes him. Who would? We ignore prophets today for what they are…liars. Jeremiah is a liar and now is upset that the people are calling him out.

Coming Soon: Jeremiah – Chapter 21: God Rejects Zedekiah’s Request

Jeremiah – Chapter 19: Untitled

We are chugging right along in the book of Jeremiah, looking at the nineteenth chapter today.

“This is what the Lord says: ‘Go and buy a clay jar from a potter.’” – Jeremiah 19:1

Still not Harry Potter’s house. Sigh. I’m so disappointed. LOL!

“This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Listen! I am going to bring a disaster on this place that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle.” – Jeremiah 19:2

How come God never brings knowledge to the people? It’s always a disaster.

“They have built the high places of Baal to burn their children in the fire as offerings to Baal” – Jeremiah 19:5

Yes, if the people were doing this, that would be an outrage. Why is God’s raping of women and killing of babies not also an outrage?

“I will make them eat the flesh of their sons and daughters, and they will eat one another’s flesh because their enemies will press the siege so hard against them to destroy them.” – Jeremiah 19:9

It seems awful, but remember God is only doing this because he’s forced into doing it by his love for you. 🙂 Mmmm…yummy flesh of my children.

“This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: ‘Listen! I am going to bring on this city and all the villages around it every disaster I pronounced against them, because they were stiff-necked and would not listen to my words.’” – Jeremiah 19:15

God is pissy. But when isn’t he?

The best verse in this chapter is the verse on parents eating their own kids. I thought it was only the Atheist who ate babies? LOL!

Coming Soon: Jeremiah – Chapter 20: Jeremiah and Pashhur

Song of Songs 2:16

If you need some biblical erotica, look no further than the book of Song of Songs. It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today I pull a verse from this book.

“My beloved is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies.” – Song of Songs 2:16

Browses among the lilies? Taking a look at the rest of this book, this is code for “his head was buried between my legs and his tongue was doing wonders!”

LOL! Christians are so prudish on sex, but there’s a whole book of erotica in the Bible!

Jeremiah – Chapter 18: At the Potter’s House

God’s an asshole, but that is nothing new to anyone who has actually read the Bible. He’s an immoral asshole and the evidence is clear on this, particularly in the book of Jeremiah. Today we jump into the eighteenth chapter. Note: The title of this chapter does not refer to Harry Potter’s house. Because that would be cool and the Bible is anything but cool. 🙂

“Then the word of the Lord came to me. He said, ‘Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?’ declares the Lord. ‘Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel. If at any time I announce that a nation or kingdom is to be uprooted, torn down and destroyed, and if that nation I warned repents of its evil, then I will relent and not inflict on it the disaster I had planned.’” – Jeremiah 18:5-8

God treats people like clay pots in that he can easily destroy them any time he wants. But remember that God always loves you!!! 🙂

“Does the snow of Lebanon ever vanish from its rocky slopes? Do its cool waters from distant sources ever stop flowing?” – Jeremiah 18:14

Well, yes, if you follow the science and recognize that climate change is real!

“So give their children over to famine; hand them over to the power of the sword. Let their wives be made childless and widows; let their men be put to death, their young men slain by the sword in battle.” – Jeremiah 18:21

Time for God to kill some babies.

God is disgusting. That’s all that needs to be said.

Coming Soon: Jeremiah – Chapter 19: Untitled

Sin Away

A bit of humor today.

Jeremiah 17: Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy

God’s a dick. That should be the name of the book of Jeremiah. Every chapter in Jeremiah shows us new ways in which God is a dick. So let’s see what this chapter brings.

“I will enslave you to your enemies in a land you do not know, for you have kindled my anger, and it will burn forever.” – Jeremiah 17:4

God shows his morality by approving slavery.

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord.” – Jeremiah 17:5

The Bible telling us to hate others. That’s what this verse does over time.

“This is what the Lord says: Be careful not to carry a load on the Sabbath day or bring it through the gates of Jerusalem.” – Jeremiah 17:21

It seems pretty petty. God is worried about what you carry on the Sabbath.

“But if you do not obey me to keep the Sabbath day holy by not carrying any load as you come through the gates of Jerusalem on the Sabbath day, then I will kindle an unquenchable fire in the gates of Jerusalem that will consume her fortresses.” – Jeremiah 17:27

Some people HAVE to work on a Sabbath to provide for their families. So this god can just fuck off.

Seventeen chapters into Jeremiah and God is still an asshole.

Coming Soon: Jeremiah – Chapter 18: At the Potter’s House