2 Kings – Chapter 13: Jehoahaz King of Israel

Killing, killing, killing. That’s the theme thus far in 2 Kings. Let’s see if 2 Kings 13 is any different.

“In the twenty-third year of Joash son of Ahaziah king of Judah, Jehoahaz son of Jehu became king of Israel in Samaria, and he reigned seventeen years. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord by following the sins of Jeroboam son of Nebat, which he had caused Israel to commit, and he did not turn away from them.” – 2 Kings 13:1-2

God’s evil/good coin flips toward evil with this king.

“So the Lord’s anger burned against Israel, and for a long time he kept them under the power of Hazael king of Aram and Ben-Hadad his son.” – 2 Kings 13:3

Instead of punishing the king, God punishes the people. Sigh. Such a stupid god.

“Now Elisha had been suffering from the illness from which he died.” – 2 Kings 13:14

God doesn’t even step in to alleviate the suffering of his prophet!

“Then he said, ‘Take the arrows,’ and the king took them. Elisha told him, ‘Strike the ground.’ He struck it three times and stopped.  The man of God was angry with him and said, ‘You should have struck the ground five or six times; then you would have defeated Aram and completely destroyed it. But now you will defeat it only three times.’ Elisha died and was buried.” – 2 Kings 13:18-20

Um…what a fucked up story. Elisha’s god will only fully protect the army if the arrow is struck five or six times? Three times isn’t good enough? What a fucking petty god.

“Once while some Israelites were burying a man, suddenly they saw a band of raiders; so they threw the man’s body into Elisha’s tomb. When the body touched Elisha’s bones, the man came to life and stood up on his feet.” – 2 Kings 13:21

Zombies! Jesus fucking christ. The Bible expects people of normal intelligence to believe this shit? Unfortunately far too many do.

“Hazael king of Aram died, and Ben-Hadad his son succeeded him as king. Then Jehoash son of Jehoahaz recaptured from Ben-Hadad son of Hazael the towns he had taken in battle from his father Jehoahaz. Three times Jehoash defeated him, and so he recovered the Israelite towns.” – 2 Kings 13:24-25

The chapter ends with more death and battles.

What did we learn in this chapter? Not much we didn’t already know. God flips a coin to determine who is good and who is evil. God punishes those who didn’t do the wrong doing. And more people die, constantly.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 24: Joash Repairs the Temple

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2 Kings – Chapter 12: Joash Repairs the Temple

Thus far 2 Kings has brought us a lot of senseless killing, all by the hands of God or under the orders of God. Today we delve into 2 Kings 12.

“Joash did what was right in the eyes of the Lord all the years Jehoiada the priest instructed him.” – 2 Kings 12:2

I’m pretty sure God just flips a coin to determine who is right and wrong in his eyes.

“Joash said to the priests, ‘Collect all the money that is brought as sacred offerings to the temple of the Lord—the money collected in the census, the money received from personal vows and the money brought voluntarily to the temple. Let every priest receive the money from one of the treasurers, then use it to repair whatever damage is found in the temple.’” – 2 Kings 12:4-5

Instead of spending money to help the people, money is collected to repair God’s temple. Sigh.

“But by the twenty-third year of King Joash the priests still had not repaired the temple.” – 2 Kings 12:6

King Joash must be pretty stupid if it took him 23 years to notice the money was not spent on repairing the temple.

“The money from the guilt offerings and sin offerings was not brought into the temple of the Lord; it belonged to the priests.” – 2 Kings 12:16

In other words, the priests were stealing money for their own benefit.

“As for the other events of the reign of Joash, and all he did, are they not written in the book of the annals of the kings of Judah? His officials conspired against him and assassinated him at Beth Millo, on the road down to Silla. The officials who murdered him were Jozabad son of Shimeath and Jehozabad son of Shomer. He died and was buried with his ancestors in the City of David. And Amaziah his son succeeded him as king.” – 2 Kings 12:19-21

Apparently Joash wasn’t doing right in the eyes of God if God allowed him to be murdered.

A typical ending to a chapter in this book. Murder, death, and a new king. Basically the same as all chapter thus far in this book.

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 13: Jehoahaz King of Israel

2 Kings – Chapter 11: Athaliah and Joash

In the last chapter God had a champion, Jehu, who did a bunch of killing in the name of God.

“When Athaliah the mother of Ahaziah saw that her son was dead, she proceeded to destroy the whole royal family.” – 2 Kings 11:1

And let more killing begin!

But Jehosheba, the daughter of King Jehoram and sister of Ahaziah, took Joash son of Ahaziah and stole him away from among the royal princes, who were about to be murdered. She put him and his nurse in a bedroom to hide him from Athaliah; so he was not killed.” – 2 Kings 11:2

So one prince survives while the others are all killed. A direct result of God commanding Jehu to kill.

“So they seized her as she reached the place where the horses enter the palace grounds, and there she was put to death.” – 2 Kings 11:16

This refers to the execution of Athaliah. One could argue her death is justified given she killed all but one in the royal family. But she wouldn’t have done the killing had God’s champion, Jehu, not done all of his killing.

That basically does it for this chapter. More killing. God is still getting his jollies off on unnecessary murder.

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 12: Joash Repairs the Temple

2 Kings – Chapter 10: Ahab’s Family Killed

The title of today’s chapter tells it all. More people are going to be killed.

“Then Jehu wrote them a second letter, saying, ‘If you are on my side and will obey me, take the heads of your master’s sons and come to me in Jezreel by this time tomorrow.’ Now the royal princes, seventy of them, were with the leading men of the city, who were rearing them. When the letter arrived, these men took the princes and slaughtered all seventy of them. They put their heads in baskets and sent them to Jehu in Jezreel. When the messenger arrived, he told Jehu, ‘They have brought the heads of the princes.’ Then Jehu ordered, ‘Put them in two piles at the entrance of the city gate until morning.’” – 2 Kings 10:6-9

Jesus fucking Christ. God allows 70 sons to be killed. Wow.

“So Jehu killed everyone in Jezreel who remained of the house of Ahab, as well as all his chief men, his close friends and his priests, leaving him no survivor.” – 2 Kings 10:11

Let us not forget Jehu is God’s champion.

“‘Take them alive!’ he ordered. So they took them alive and slaughtered them by the well of Beth Eked—forty-two of them. He left no survivor.” – 2 Kings 10:14

Jehu, God’s champion, does more evil.

“When Jehu came to Samaria, he killed all who were left there of Ahab’s family; he destroyed them, according to the word of the Lord spoken to Elijah.” – 2 Kings 10:17

God’s champion, Jehu, continues his killing spree with the full support of God.

“Then Jehu brought all the people together and said to them, ‘Ahab served Baal a little; Jehu will serve him much. Now summon all the prophets of Baal, all his servants and all his priests. See that no one is missing, because I am going to hold a great sacrifice for Baal. Anyone who fails to come will no longer live.’ But Jehu was acting deceptively in order to destroy the servants of Baal.” – 2 Kings 10:18-19

God’s next step is to have Jehu trick the people into worshipping an idol so he can have Jehu murder them. The god of the Bible is pure evil.

“Now Jehu had posted eighty men outside with this warning: ‘If one of you lets any of the men I am placing in your hands escape, it will be your life for his life.’” – 2 Kings 10:24

Jehu, God’s champion, commands his men to not let one person escape or they themselves will be killed.

“As soon as Jehu had finished making the burnt offering, he ordered the guards and officers: ‘Go in and kill them; let no one escape.’ So they cut them down with the sword. The guards and officers threw the bodies out and then entered the inner shrine of the temple of Baal.” – 2 Kings 10:25

God’s champion, Jehu, kills more people.

“The Lord said to Jehu, ‘Because you have done well in accomplishing what is right in my eyes and have done to the house of Ahab all I had in mind to do, your descendants will sit on the throne of Israel to the fourth generation.’” – 2 Kings 10:30

The evidence God approves of what Jehu has done.

“Jehu rested with his ancestors and was buried in Samaria. And Jehoahaz his son succeeded him as king. The time that Jehu reigned over Israel in Samaria was twenty-eight years.” – 2 Kings 10:35-36

Jehu does good in the eyes of the Lord. God approved of this murder.

Wow! This chapter ranks right up there with the best when it comes to showing the absolute evil of the god of the Bible.

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 11: Athaliah and Joash

2 Kings – Chapter 9: Jehu Anointed King of Israel

The last chapter focused on additional kings doing evil in the eyes of God. That evil included one king marrying the wrong woman in God’s eyes, so take ‘evil’ with a grain of salt.

“The prophet Elisha summoned a man from the company of the prophets and said to him, ‘Tuck your cloak into your belt, take this flask of olive oil with you and go to Ramoth Gilead. When you get there, look for Jehu son of Jehoshaphat, the son of Nimshi. Go to him, get him away from his companions and take him into an inner room. Then take the flask and pour the oil on his head and declare, ‘This is what the Lord says: I anoint you king over Israel.’ Then open the door and run; don’t delay!’” – 2 Kings 9:1-3

At this point someone needs to call the police!

“Jehu got up and went into the house. Then the prophet poured the oil on Jehu’s head and declared, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anoint you king over the Lord’s people Israel. You are to destroy the house of Ahab your master, and I will avenge the blood of my servants the prophets and the blood of all the Lord’s servants shed by Jezebel.’’” – 2 Kings 9:6-7

In Biblical times this is how you made kings. In real times, this is when you get someone some psychiatric care and fast!

“They quickly took their cloaks and spread them under him on the bare steps. Then they blew the trumpet and shouted, ‘Jehu is king!’” – 2 Kings 9:13

The Bible would have you believe this stupid story actually happened.

“Then Jehu drew his bow and shot Joram between the shoulders. The arrow pierced his heart and he slumped down in his chariot.” – 2 Kings 9:24

This is God’s peaceful way of coronating kings.

“He looked up at the window and called out, ‘Who is on my side? Who?’ Two or three eunuchs looked down at him. Throw her down!’ Jehu said. So they threw her down, and some of her blood spattered the wall and the horses as they trampled her underfoot.” – 2 Kings 9:24

It’s right there in the Bible. This killing is how God decided Jehu would become king.

“Jehu went in and ate and drank. ‘Take care of that cursed woman,’ he said, ‘and bury her, for she was a king’s daughter.’ But when they went out to bury her, they found nothing except her skull, her feet and her hands.  They went back and told Jehu, who said, ‘This is the word of the Lord that he spoke through his servant Elijah the Tishbite: On the plot of ground at Jezreel dogs will devour Jezebel’s flesh.  Jezebel’s body will be like dung on the ground in the plot at Jezreel, so that no one will be able to say, ‘This is Jezebel.’’” – 2 Kings 9:34-37

In case you had any doubt about God’s evil bloodlust, the above verses should remove it for good. This is how God made a king. Remember that. God had all of this done. Killing and corpse desecration. It’s God’s way.

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 10: Ahab’s Family Killed

2 Kings – Chapter 8: The Shunammite’s Land Restored

After a ridiculous chapter seven, we move on to the eighth chapter in 2 Kings.

“Now Elisha had said to the woman whose son he had restored to life…” – 2 Kings 8:1

You have to permanently suspend reality to believe the dead were brought to life. Don’t do that. Think critically.

“Elisha answered, ‘Go and say to him, ‘You will certainly recover.’ Nevertheless, the Lord has revealed to me that he will in fact die.’” – 2 Kings 8:10

Um…okay. This is the typical prediction from a prophet. No matter what happens, the prophet gets credit for being correct. In this case, if the king survives, but dies later, Elisha is right. If the king doesn’t recover, Elisha is still right for saying the king will die.

“Then Hazael left Elisha and returned to his master. When Ben-Hadad asked, ‘What did Elisha say to you?’ Hazael replied, ‘He told me that you would certainly recover.’ But the next day he took a thick cloth, soaked it in water and spread it over the king’s face, so that he died.Then Hazael succeeded him as king.” – 2 Kings 8:14-15

Thus proving Elisha right. Biblical prophecy at its finest! 🙂

“He (Jehoram) did evil in the eyes of the Lord.” – 2 Kings 8:18

Most do, so why would Jehoram be any different?

“Nevertheless, for the sake of his servant David, the Lord was not willing to destroy Judah. He had promised to maintain a lamp for David and his descendants forever.” – 2 Kings 8:19

Once again God follows his own rules inconsistently. In this case he doesn’t punish the king doing evil.

“He (Ahaziah) followed the ways of the house of Ahab and did evil in the eyes of the Lord, as the house of Ahab had done, for he was related by marriage to Ahab’s family.” – 2 Kings 8:27

Ahaziah does evil in the eyes of God simply for marrying the wrong person. Justification used too often by Christians to hate anyone not like your own group.

That concludes this chapter. A few statements on different kings, all of who did evil in the eyes of God, although one king’s evil could be questioned and the other’s evil God did not punish. It’s the Bible, so don’t try to understand the great inconsistencies.

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 9: Jehu Anointed King of Israel

2 Kings – Chapter 7: The Siege Lifted

It may be a new year, but we are still digging through 2 Kings. The title of today’s chapter indicates peace, but it’s the Bible, so any possible peace will be short.

“Now there were four men with leprosy at the entrance of the city gate. They said to each other, ‘Why stay here until we die? If we say, ‘We’ll go into the city’—the famine is there, and we will die. And if we stay here, we will die. So let’s go over to the camp of the Arameans and surrender. If they spare us, we live; if they kill us, then we die.’” – 2 Kings 7:3-4

Um…sure. Whatever.

“The men who had leprosy reached the edge of the camp, entered one of the tents and ate and drank. Then they took silver, gold and clothes, and went off and hid them. They returned and entered another tent and took some things from it and hid them also.” – 2 Kings 7:8

Okay, why the focus on men with leprosy?

“Then the people went out and plundered the camp of the Arameans. So a seah of the finest flour sold for a shekel, and two seahs of barley sold for a shekel, as the Lord had said.” – 2 Kings 7:16

This story is freaking stupid.

“Now the king had put the officer on whose arm he leaned in charge of the gate, and the people trampled him in the gateway, and he died, just as the man of God had foretold when the king came down to his house.” – 2 Kings 7:17

Oh for fuck’s sake.

Okay, this chapter was fucking stupid. First of all there are four men with leprosy. Why do they have leprosy? No explanation is offered. Then there is a story about why the price of shit is what it is and it is all God’s will apparently. Dear make believe god!

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 8: The Shunammite’s Land Restored