Revelations 8:1

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is so, so, so, important.

“When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour.” – Revelations 8:1

Yes, how could we all lead moral lives if we didn’t know the 7th seal caused Heaven to be silent for a full 30 minutes! GASP! 🙂 So thankful this is in here instead of real things like helping others, treating everyone equally, and not raping whoever you want.

Revelations 21:16

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we learn Heaven is a finite space.

“The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide. He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia in length, and as wide and high as it is long.” – Revelations 21:16

The city referred to here is Heaven. Yes, the Heaven where the Bible says all the good people go. By now Heaven is quite packed and the population density increases by the day! I hope they have a good sewage system. Or maybe you don’t go poo in Heaven? Hmm… 🙂

Amos 2:16

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse brings some nakedness.

“‘Even the bravest warriors will flee naked on that day,’declares the Lord.” – Amos 2:16

I don’t know a single person in the world, that when faced with great fear, takes the time to strip naked before running away. Yet we see this multiple times in the Bible when someone rips away their clothes when afraid. A person filled with fear doesn’t strip naked. They either freeze in fear or run away in fear.

Ezekiel 2:8-10

The book of Ezekiel is always good for some crazy, which is perfect since it is Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday.

“‘But you, son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not rebel like that rebellious people; open your mouth and eat what I give you.’ Then I looked, and I saw a hand stretched out to me. In it was a scroll, which he unrolled before me. On both sides of it were written words of lament and mourning and woe.” – Ezekiel 2:8-10

God gave Ezekiel a scroll to eat. Yummy. LOL! Open your mouth, Ezekiel! Here it comes, a yummy, yummy, scroll! It will make you grow big and strong! 🙂

2 Chronicles 36:9

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today God is crazy in this verse.

“Jehoiachin was eighteen years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem three months and ten days. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord.” – 2 Chronicles 36:9

Wait, what’s so crazy about that? Check out the King James Version of this verse.

“Jehoiachin was eight years old when he began to reign, and he reigned three months and ten days in Jerusalem: and he did that which was evil in the sight of the Lord.” – 2 Chronicles 36:9

In the KJV the king is eight years old. An eight year old was evil according to God. LOL! Then humans (and let’s be honest, old, white men) changed the Bible because they thought, well shit, it’s crazy the king was eight years old and evil, so let’s change the king’s age to eighteen so it seems less crazy.

Now that’s some crazy shit!

Romans 14:2

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday! And that means it is some time from some crazy!

“One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.” – Romans 14:2

That’s right. Vegetarians and vegans are pussies! God and Jesus demand you be tough and rough and eat that fucking meat you goddamn pansy! LOL! The Bible is a worthless pile of burning bullshit.

Hebrews 12:7

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is about beating your kids!

“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?” – Hebrews 12:7

Discipline should be a hardship? Fathers are supposed to beat their children? Only in the Bible, that book of morals Christians worship.

Song of Songs 4:16

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and Song of Songs is a great book for all sorts of Bible sex. 🙂

“Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere.” – Song of Songs 4:16

Blow jobs. This is a verse about blow jobs. Or cunnilingus. It’s Song of Songs. We all know damn well this is a verse about oral sex…in the Bible. 🙂

Song of Songs 5:4

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and here’s a good one!

“My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him.” – Song of Songs 5:4

Thrust is hand through the latch-opening? Um….vaginal fisting? Anal fisting? 🙂

I’m sticking with this same verse next week for another goodie! So tune in next week.

Song of Songs 1:13

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today I’m sticking with some Bible porn found in the Song of Songs.

“My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts.” – Song of Songs 1:13

Lay your head down between her breasts before getting started with the hot stuff. LOL!