Song of Songs 2:6

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and I think I’ll stay within the book of Song of Songs for awhile. There’s so much good stuff in this book, particularly when Christianity is so prudish on sex.

“His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.” – Song of Songs 2:6

Now, what is meant by embrace? I’m taking it as he either has his right arm/hand cupping her breasts, or he’s fingering her. 🙂 It’s all in the Bible folks. 🙂

Song of Songs 2:16

If you need some biblical erotica, look no further than the book of Song of Songs. It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today I pull a verse from this book.

“My beloved is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies.” – Song of Songs 2:16

Browses among the lilies? Taking a look at the rest of this book, this is code for “his head was buried between my legs and his tongue was doing wonders!”

LOL! Christians are so prudish on sex, but there’s a whole book of erotica in the Bible!

Isaiah 16:11

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is about poop! Yes, poop!

“My heart laments for Moab like a harp, my inmost being for Kir Hareseth.” – Isaiah 16:11

Okay, this may not seem all that crazy. What does inmost mean? Well, let’s turn to the King James Version of the Bible for some insight.

“Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh.” – Isaiah 16:11

Notice how bowels was turned to heart in the two versions? ROFL!!!

Daniel 3:19-20

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we have some crazy!

“Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual and commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace.” – Daniel 3:19-20

As if the furnace at its regular temperature was not hot enough to kill the soldiers. It’s a furnace for crying out loud!!!

Jeremiah 5:8

Ezekiel 23:20 will always be my favorite Bible verse. Why? Look it up and you’ll see why, LOL! Recently, while reading through and writing about Jeremiah, I came across Jeremiah 5:8 and it was perfect for the next Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!

“They are well-fed, lusty stallions, each neighing for another man’s wife.” – Jeremiah 5:8

Lusty stallions! LUSTY STALLIONS! ROFL!!!!! Hidden in all of the horribleness of the Bible is a bit of humor here and there. LOL!

Judges 16:1

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today I take look at a verse in Judges with Samson, the one with the long hair that gave him his power.

“One day Samson went to Gaza, where he saw a prostitute. He went in to spend the night with her.” – Judges 16:1”

God rages about prostitutes and always talks about the peoples prostituting out their morals. But if it is a man visiting a prostitute, all is okay. Now that’s some crazy shit.

Ezekiel 2:8-9

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday! Last week we looked at a verse from Ezekiel and since Ezekiel is filled with so much bullshit, let’s look at another verse in Ezekiel this week.

“‘But you, son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not rebel like that rebellious people; open your mouth and eat what I give you.’ Then I looked, and I saw a hand stretched out to me. In it was a scroll, which he unrolled before me.” – Ezekiel 2:8-9

God tells Ezekiel to eat a scroll. Yes, a scroll. Yummy. 🙂 ROFL!!!

Ezekiel 1:4-6

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and the book of Ezekiel is always good from some crazy Bible verses. My favorite Bible verse is Ezekiel 23:20. Look it up! But today we take a look at a few verses in Ezekiel 1.

“I looked, and I saw a windstorm coming out of the north—an immense cloud with flashing lightning and surrounded by brilliant light. The center of the fire looked like glowing metal, and in the fire was what looked like four living creatures. In appearance their form was human, but each of them had four faces and four wings.” – Ezekiel 1:4-6

Ezekiel is either high and imagining things or he has discovered aliens. Yes, aliens. But sure, this is a person we are to believe and hold up as the real words of God. LOL!

Matthew 4:1

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is…crazy. 🙂

“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.” – Matthew 4:1

So let’s get this straight. God is all-knowing and all-powerful. Nothing can trick him. He has a son, Jesus, who is also himself. Its own set of crazy. God then sends his son, himself, into the wilderness to be tempted by Satan as a test of his son, himself. Um…not the actions of an all-knowing and powerful god.

Obadiah 8

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse tells us everything you need to know about the god of the Bible. He (or rather the authors who made him up) don’t want you to think.

“‘In that day,’ declares the Lord, ‘will I not destroy the wise men of Edom, those of understanding in the mountains of Esau?’” – Obadiah 8

Thinking is prohibited in the Bible. Gaining knowledge is against the law of God. Because to think critically will open holes in the belief of God. Therefore critically thinking through issues is bad in the Bible.