Revelations 8:1

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is so, so, so, important.

“When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour.” – Revelations 8:1

Yes, how could we all lead moral lives if we didn’t know the 7th seal caused Heaven to be silent for a full 30 minutes! GASP! 🙂 So thankful this is in here instead of real things like helping others, treating everyone equally, and not raping whoever you want.

Revelations 21:16

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we learn Heaven is a finite space.

“The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide. He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia in length, and as wide and high as it is long.” – Revelations 21:16

The city referred to here is Heaven. Yes, the Heaven where the Bible says all the good people go. By now Heaven is quite packed and the population density increases by the day! I hope they have a good sewage system. Or maybe you don’t go poo in Heaven? Hmm… 🙂

Revelation 20:5

It’s the last day of 2019 and the last day of the decade that started on January 1, 2010. So for Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday it seems only fitting to pull a verse from Revelation about the end of times. 🙂

“(The rest of the dead did not come to life until the thousand years were ended.) This is the first resurrection.” – Revelation 20:5

ZOMBIES!!! But late zombies. These fucking zombies waited 1000 years before appearing. Talk about being ‘fashionably’ late to the party! LOL!

Revelation 22:21

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday! Last week I looked at the first verse in the Bible, so this week I look at the last verse in the Bible.

“The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.” – Revelation 22:21

Why is this crazy? Let’s start with the fact Christians say that God and Jesus are the same god, but Jesus is God’s son that God sent to Earth to be crucified so that God could have his son, and therefore himself, atone for all of man’s sins that God himself created. Yeah, that’s crazy. Then let’s look at how awful both God and Jesus are in the Bible. Even Jesus says to cast away your family for him. Not a friendly dude. So no, let’s not have the grade of Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Sigh.

Revelation 14:3-5

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today I’ve chosen a couple of verses in Revelation that are a mouthful!

“No one could learn the song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth. These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they remained virgins. They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among mankind and offered as firstfruits to God and the Lamb. No lie was found in their mouths; they are blameless.” – Revelation 14:3-5

This refers to 144,000 men who will be saved into heaven. Several religions, such as the Jehovah Witnesses believe only 144,000 people will make it into heaven. So God creates billions and billions of people and says fuck you to all but 144,000? If those slots are filled, does that mean no one else goes? It doesn’t matter how good you are, you can’t go to heaven? Sorry, all the slots are filled.

Also, women don’t get to go. Only men not defiled by those evil women. LOL! It’s the end of the Bible and the authors can’t help but attack women one more time.

Blameless? All of Christianity is based on everyone born with sin. How can there be blameless people when by the very definition of the New Testament everyone has sinned? Then again, it’s not like the Bible has ever made sense, so what’s one more piece of nonsense.

Revelation 9:1

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse looks at some of the bad science in the Bible. As readers well know, the Bible is horrible at getting the science right!

“The fifth angel sounded his trumpet, and I saw a star that had fallen from the sky to the earth.” – Revelation 9:1

If a star had actually fallen from the sky to Earth, well, let’s just say Earth would be toast, we’d be dead, and there’d be no ridiculous Bible to read from! 🙂

Revelation 17:16

The last book of the Bible, Revelation, is always good for some straight up crazy.

“The beast and the ten horns you saw will hate the prostitute. They will bring her to ruin and leave her naked; they will eat her flesh and burn her with fire.” – Revelation 17:16

A beast with tens horns who hates prostitutes is going to leave her naked, eat her, and then burn her in a fire. Um…sure. If you believe that, you really need to take a look at those critical thinking skills. Then again, if you believe in a talking donkey, a ten horned beast is not much of a stretch.

Revelation 22:21

For this week’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday I’ve chosen the very last verse in the Bible.

“The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen” – Revelation 22:21

The Bible could have ended with something meaningful like treating everyone, including those who are different from you, with the utmost respect. It could have said something very specific like don’t kill or don’t rape. But it didn’t. It ended by saying God is always with you. But is he really? Is he there when children are abused by their parents? Is he there when priests rape young children? Is he there when men rape and sexually assault women? Is he there when men are getting raped (yes, it does happen)? Is he there when natural disasters kill thousands every year? Is he there when children across the world starve to death? Is he there when members of the LGBTQ community are brutally beaten to death? Is he there during those random acts of violence that take place everyday?

No, he isn’t. It’s not a question of is he there. It’s a question of, if he exists, why isn’t he there? Or maybe he just doesn’t exist.

Revelation 21:16

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we learn that heaven has a finite size.

“The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide. He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia in length, and as wide and high as it is long.” – Revelation 21:16

The city in question is a city in the sky, otherwise known as heaven. One stadia is 607 feet. Converting this to a square area in miles squared gives a city that is about 1.9 million square miles. That may seem large, but the United States is about 3.8 million square millions, meaning heaven is about half the size of the U.S.? Seems there will be a space problem if every Christian in all of history is supposed to go to heaven. Are there rent control policies in place?

Revelation 22:20

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse focuses on the return of Jesus.

He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.” – Revelation 22:20

This is crazy because it is now supposedly 2000 years after the time of Jesus and we are still waiting. The Bible’s version of ‘quickly’ is well, not quickly. 🙂