Exodus 12:12

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we take a look back in the Old Testament which is filled with all sorts of juicy verses that make zero sense.

“On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn of both people and animals, and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the Lord.” – Exodus 12:12

Think about this for a bit. God is going to kill all of the firstborn people and animals in Egypt because the Egyptians are causing harm to the Israelites. Why are the Egyptians causing harm? Because God hardened their hearts and is forcing them to cause harm.

On top of that nonsense, God is going to kill a bunch of innocent people and animals. Why the animals? Among those people will be young children and babies. God, the baby killer.

Nahum – Chapter 2: Nineveh to Fall

Thus far God is an angry and jealous god in the book of Nahum. Let’s see if his anger continues in the second chapter.

“The Lord will restore the splendor of Jacob like the splendor of Israel, though destroyers have laid them waste and have ruined their vines.” – Nahum 2:2

God is going to fix what he allowed to be destroyed in the first place. Hero? Savior? Nope, just a jackass.

“Her female slaves moan like doves and beat on their breasts.” – Nahum 2:7

God allows slaves. Doesn’t stop it.

“‘I am against you,’ declares the Lord Almighty.” – Nahum 2:13

Great, but God wasn’t against them before. This is too little, too late from this worthless god.

This chapter shows us that God is now fixing what he caused to happen in the first place. It’s like calling the fire department for the fire you intentionally started.

Coming Soon: Nahum – Chapter 3: Woe to Nineveh

Nahum – Chapter 1: The Lord’s Anger Against Nineveh

Today we kick off the first chapter in a new book, Nahum, and God is pissed off once again.

“The Lord is a jealous and avenging God; the Lord takes vengeance and is filled with wrath.” – Nahum 1:2

Give the Bible credit for being right for once. This is a jealous and angry god. Not perfect or loving by any means.

“The Lord is slow to anger but great in power; the Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished.” – Nahum 1:3

Slow to anger? Hardly. We see time and time again in the Bible that God is quick to anger. On top of that, the guilty go unpunished all the time! Just look at today’s world where the uber rich in the world gain more and more control, and their actions are literally killing thousands to millions of people every year through pollution, poverty, lack of health care, climate change denial, etc.

“The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.” – Nahum 1:7

Bahahahahahahaha! Sure he is. LOL!

“This is what the Lord says: ‘Although they have allies and are numerous, they will be destroyed and pass away. Although I have afflicted you, Judah, I will afflict you no more.’” – Nahum 1:12

God admits he was not good to Judah. God’s anger controls him and the people suffer.

So what did we learn in the first chapter of Nahum? God is good, but he was afflicting the good and causing them pain, but now he’s decided not to, but we’ve seen before that he will likely turn back around and cause more pain to the people he was doing good to. In other words, one fucked up god.

Coming Soon: Nahum – Chapter 2: Nineveh to Fall

Introduction to Nahum

In two days I will have a post on the first chapter in the book of Nahum. The Bible is filled with prophets that are supposedly spreading the word of God. God doesn’t speak himself, but only through the voices of prophets, who are all men. Interesting. Let’s think about this for a second. If you were a group of men trying to control the masses, how convenient it is that your god doesn’t speak!

There are major and minor prophets. Nahum is one of the minor prophets, but apparently good enough to make it into the Bible. This book will contain more of the same. Prophets are spreading and sharing the word of God, which is almost always of the same for. God is good, the evil people are trying to destroy you. Listen to me, the prophet of God. If you do exactly as I say, God will protect you.

And today there is peace through all of the Middle East. Bahahahahahahahahaha!

Zechariah 6:1-3

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today I pull a set of verses from Zechariah that show Zechariah has been smoking a bit too much weed.

“I looked up again, and there before me were four chariots coming out from between two mountains—mountains of bronze. The first chariot had red horses, the second black, the third white, and the fourth dappled—all of them powerful.” – Zechariah 6:1-3

Okay, so it isn’t necessarily crazy to see horses of four different colors, including these specific colors. What makes this crazy is Zechariah sees horses of different colors that these horses are spirits of heaven. Um…sure. Dear Zechariah…just enjoy the colors of the horses for what they are, four horses of different colors!

2 Chronicles – Chapter 33: Manasseh King of Judah

Today we continue in the book of 2 Chronicles. Hezekiah has died and Manasseh is now king.

“Manasseh was twelve years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem fifty-five years. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord, following the detestable practices of the nations the Lord had driven out before the Israelites.” – 2 Chronicles 33:1-2

We learned this same story in 2 Kings. God is bringing good and peace to the land but allows Manasseh to rule with evil for close to six decades. Sure.

“He sacrificed his children in the fire in the Valley of Ben Hinnom, practiced divination and witchcraft, sought omens, and consulted mediums and spiritists.” – 2 Chronicles 33:6

Yep, sacrificing your own children in a fire is evil. But let us not forget that God commanded Abraham to sacrifice his son as a test of Abraham’s love for God.

“The Lord spoke to Manasseh and his people, but they paid no attention. So the Lord brought against them the army commanders of the king of Assyria, who took Manasseh prisoner, put a hook in his nose, bound him with bronze shackles and took him to Babylon.” – 2 Chronicles 33:10-11

God steps in, but remember, God let this evil king rule for 55 years. Ruled for 55 years!

“And when he prayed to him, the Lord was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea; so he brought him back to Jerusalem and to his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the Lord is God.” – 2 Chronicles 33:13

God could have stopped this evil, but he didn’t. Instead God forgives Manasseh. The most evil character in all the stories of the Bible? That would be God.

“Amon was twenty-two years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem two years He did evil in the eyes of the Lord, as his father Manasseh had done.” – 2 Chronicles 33:21-22

Are you fucking kidding me? God says he is bringing in peace but then lets another evil king rule for additional years after the previous evil king ruled for 55 years. God has no intention of bringing peace.

God is not the bringer of peace. He is the bringer of evil. Much evil.

Coming Soon: Nahum – Chapter 1: The Lord’s Anger Against Nineveh