Matthew 27:51-53

Last week for Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday I posted a verse on zombies in the Bible, in celebration of Halloween.  It’s a week after Halloween, but I think today deserves another verse on zombies.

“And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. The tombs also were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many.” – Matthew 27:51-53”

This happens just after the death of Jesus on the cross.  Jesus dies and zombies rise!!!  LOL!  You can’t make this shit up.  It’s in the Bible and Christians across the world believe the dead literally rose and started walking the Earth.  Not all Christians, mind you.  Many are skeptical enough to know the dead did not rise and become zombies.  They still believe Jesus rose from the dead, but at least they don’t believe the other dead rose.  Too many Christians, however, literally believe zombies walked the land.  Why?  Because the Bible, a book written by random men, says so.  No skeptical thought at all!  Any skeptical thinking will lead you to conclude zombies did not walk the land.

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Psalm – Chapter 62: For the director of music. For Jeduthun. A psalm of David.

David’s life is so tough.  God makes him king.  God gives him multiple wives and concubines.  God allows, and in many cases demands, David to rape and murder innocents.  But David continues to beg to God to help him more.  This is basically the theme of the book of Psalms.  That and a bunch of praising to God.  What will we see in this chapter?  Praising of God?  David begging?  Both?  Let’s find out.

“Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” – Psalm 62:2

Again, is this rock a hardened heart?  😊

“Surely they intend to topple me from my lofty place; they take delight in lies.” – Psalm 62:4

You murder and rape!  Are you fucking kidding me?

“Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” – Psalm 62:6

Do you know what is more rock-like than God?  An actual rock!!!  Rocks are more real than God too.  😊

“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” – Psalm 62:8

Yes, trust in God when he tells you slavery is okay, some women deserve to be raped, and babies should be murdered.

“…and with you, Lord, is unfailing love…” – Psalm 62:11

Unfailing love, but conditions do apply.  That’s how the god of the Bible works.

So what happened in this chapter?  God was praised and David begged.  In other words, no different than every other chapter of the book of Psalms.

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 64:  For the director of music. A psalm of David.

Atheism Quotes – Stephen Fry

“Suppose it’s all true, and you walk up to the pearly gates, and are confronted by God.  What will Stephen Fry say to him, or it?

– Gay Bryne

“I’ll say, ‘Bone cancer in children?  What’s that about?  How dare you!  How dare you create a world in which there is such misery that is not our fault?  It’s not right.  It’s utterly, utterly evil.’  Why should I respect a capricious, mean-minded, stupid God who creates a world which is so full of injustice and pain?”

– Stephen Fry

Psalm – Chapter 61: For the director of music. With stringed instruments. Of David.

Let’s jump right in to Psalm 61.

“From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” – Psalm 61:2

Is the rock in this verse a hardened heart?  Remember that NONE of what is happening in these chapters occurs if God doesn’t harden the hearts of the Egyptians.

“For you, God, have heard my vows; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.” – Psalm 61:5

This is correct.  Well, not sure the god of the Bible hears any vows, but he picks and chooses his favorites and David is one of those favorites.

“Increase the days of the king’s life, his years for many generations.” – Psalm 61:6

Yes, increase the life of the king who rapes and murders innocents.  Sigh.

This concludes Psalm 61.  David begs for help.  Apparently God hasn’t given him enough.  God allows David to rape and murder, but that’s just not enough for this ‘king’.

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 62:  For the director of music. For Jeduthun. A psalm of David.

Psalm – Chapter 58: For the director of music. To the tune of “Do Not Destroy.” Of David. A miktam.

The ridiculousness of Psalms continues today with chapter 58.

“Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward, spreading lies.” – Psalm 58:3

God damn those wicked babies!  Think about what this means.  If we are wicked from birth and God exists, God is the one who caused us to be wicked.  What kind of god is this if he makes babies wicked?  Not a loving god, that’s for sure.

“Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward, spreading lies. Their venom is like the venom of a snake, like that of a cobra that has stopped its ears, that will not heed the tune of the charmer, however skillful the enchanter may be.” – Psalm 58:3-5

Damn these babies are wicked!

“Break the teeth in their mouths, O God; Lord, tear out the fangs of those lions!” – Psalm 58:6

Most babies are born toothless.

“The righteous will be glad when they are avenged, when they dip their feet in the blood of the wicked.” – Psalm 58:10

I’m not sure righteous is the best adjective to describe those that dip their feed in the blood of the wicked.  Let’s see, what’s a better word for this?  Hmmm…how about…FUCKING WEIRD!!!!  Okay, that’s two words.

This is a very odd chapter that makes the claim, indirectly, that those who are wicked were born wicked and can do nothing to change.  How’s that unfailing love going for you?

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 61:  For the director of music. With stringed instruments. Of David.

1 Kings 17:21

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday AND Halloween!!!  To celebrate the occasion, let’s look at a verse that is very Halloween-esque.

“Then he (Elijah) stretched himself out on the boy three times and cried out to the Lord, “Lord my God, let this boy’s life return to him!” – 1 Kings 17:21

A dead child is raised from the dead!!!  A miracle?  Of course not!  This clearly did not happen.  The dead do not rise.  Zombie movies are great, but believing in zombies in real life is another issue.  You can’t bring people back from the dead.  You can’t do it now and you couldn’t do it in Biblical times.  Maybe, just maybe, the people of biblical times loved Halloween!

Psalm – Chapter 40: For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

We learned in the last chapter that David is blameless.  LOL!  What bullshit will we learn this chapter?

“Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.” – Psalm 40:3

Again, the theme that fear is required to love God is sick.  If you love someone you don’t require they fear you.

“Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.” – Psalm 40:4

Yes, trust the Lord when he commands you to rape, murder, and slaughter innocents, including babies.

“Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us.” – Psalm 40:5

Name one wonder God has done.

“Sacrifice and offering you did not desire…” – Psalm 40:6

What?  God demands all sorts of sacrifices!  These rules are laid out in Leviticus!!!

“For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.” – Psalm 40:12

Last chapter David said he was blameless.  Now his sins have overtaken him?

“But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me.” – Psalm 40:17

I’m sorry…David is the poor and needy one?  WTF?

So Psalm 40 was another load of bullshit.  David is caught contradicting the Bible and outright lies about being blameless, poor, and needy.  In other words, your typical Bible story.

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 58: For the director of music. To the tune of “Do Not Destroy.” Of David. A miktam.