1 Chronicles – Chapter 17: God’s Promise to David

Today’s chapter has the same title as the chapter discussed two days ago.  Remember that Samuel and Chronicles have many similarities and are often copies of each other, so this chapter is very, very similar to the last chapter from 2 Samuel.

“Nathan replied to David, ‘Whatever you have in mind, do it, for God is with you.’” – 1 Chronicles 17:2

Whatever you have in mind?  If David wanted to rape 100 women, God is with him?  I believe that given how awful this god is.

With that I will end the discussion on this chapter.  There are 27 verses but all are a very close replicate of 2 Samuel 7, which we already discussed.  There’s no need for me to repeat that discussion.

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 25:  Of David.

1 Chronicles – Chapter 16: Ministering Before the Ark

Our trek through the Bible continues today with 1 Chronicles 16.  As the title states, the focus is on the Ark of God.  There are several chapters devoted to this ark.  God is much more concerned with how his ark is treated than how human beings, his supposed creations, are treated.  As we already know, fuck up with God’s ark and you are toast…literally.  Okay, not literally turned it a piece of toast, but toasted by God zapping you to death!  Let’s see what 1 Chronicles 16 has to offer.

“He appointed some of the Levites to minister before the ark of the Lord, to extol, thank, and praise the Lord, the God of Israel:” – 1 Chronicles 16:4

One can only hope, given the horrible working conditions, this job comes with some good union benefit.

“Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done.” – 1 Chronicles 16:8

Yes!  I absolutely agree with the latter half of this statement.  Please go out and tell the nations what God has done.  Tell the nations of the murder.  Tell the nations of the rape.  Tell the nations of the theft!  Something tells me though that these are not the things that will be told.  The truth will not be shared.

“Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced…” – 1 Chronicles 16:12

Judgements yes, but miracles no.  God has pronounced many unjust judgements.  Miracles?  Unless you count murder, rape, and theft miracles, there are no miracles to be found.

“He remembers his covenant forever…” – 1 Chronicles 16:15

Except when he doesn’t.  This of course is apologized away by saying God works in ‘mysterious’ ways.  Mysterious of course is just code for ‘God doesn’t exist but I’ve been indoctrinating into believing he must exist so therefore I will say ‘mysterious’ to justify his existence.’

“To you I will give the land of Canaan as the portion you will inherit.” – 1 Chronicles 16:18

Completely ignoring, of course, that people already occupied this land!

“He allowed no one to oppress them…” – 1 Chronicles 16:21

This is a big lie that is easily debunked.  God himself hardened the hearts of the Egyptians who deeply oppressed the Israelites!  God oppresses the Israelites!

“For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.” – 1 Chronicles 16:25

And there again is the demand to fear God.  If you are required to fear your elders, or in this case, god, then what you have is direct evidence of abuse.

“The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.” – 1 Chronicles 16:30

No, it is not.  The Earth moves around the Sun.  The Sun moves around the Galactic Center.  The Galaxy moves through the Universe.  Even on Earth, continents move due to plate tectonics.  Mountains are continually being created or wearing down due to natural processes.  The world is anything but firmly established.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.” – 1 Chronicles 16:34

No thanks.  I will never thank someone who demands I fear him.

“Heman and Jeduthun were responsible for the sounding of the trumpets and cymbals and for the playing of the other instruments for sacred song. The sons of Jeduthun were stationed at the gate.” – 1 Chronicles 16:42

I feel bad for these individuals as one wrong note on the trumpets/cymbals and God will strike them down.

That concludes 1 Chronicles 16.  It pushes the theme that we must fear God.  What a horrible message!  Good parents don’t rule their kids with fear, so why should we expect to live our lives in fear of a god?  It makes no sense!

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 1:  Untitled

1 Chronicles – Chapter 15: The Ark Brought to Jerusalem

Today we continue digging through 1 Chronicles, this time looking into Chapter 15.

“Then David said, ‘No one but the Levites may carry the ark of God, because the Lord chose them to carry the ark of the Lord and to minister before him forever.’” – 1 Chronicles 15:2

Wow!  That’s a death sentence for the Levites!  Do the wrong thing while carrying the ark of God and you are zapped dead, as we learned a couple of chapters ago.

“It was because you, the Levites, did not bring it up the first time that the Lord our God broke out in anger against us.” – 1 Chronicles 15:13

This god is easily angered.  Not a god of love.  Next come several verses of David and the Levites determining who will do what jobs while carrying the ark of God.  Very important stuff!  It’s not as if there are more important things to do, such as stopping the rape and slaughter of innocents.

“As the ark of the covenant of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David dancing and celebrating, she despised him in her heart.” – 1 Chronicles 15:29

Again, this is a repeat of what we already read in a previous chapter.  Saul is the one who God controlled and later tossed away in favor of David.  Thus Michal, Saul’s daughter, has reason to despise David.  That and David has killed many, many people, including innocent women and children.  This alone is reason to be despised by everyone, not just Michal.

Coming Soon:  1 Chronicles – Chapter 16:  Ministering Before the Ark

1 Chronicles – Chapter 14: David’s House and Family

The story of David and the Israelites continues in 1 Chronicles 14.  In the previous chapter, we learned that you never touch God’s stuff for God will kill you if you do.  That is actually what happened in 1 Chronicles 13!!!

“And David knew that the Lord had established him as king over Israel and that his kingdom had been highly exalted for the sake of his people Israel.” – 1 Chronicles 14:2

Well, except for that poor guy who touched God’s stuff and was killed by God!  He was not exalted.

“In Jerusalem David took more wives and became the father of more sons and daughters.” – 1 Chronicles 14:3

Ah, traditional biblical family values at their finest!  Multiple wives!

“David inquired of God: ‘Shall I go and attack the Philistines? Will you deliver them into my hands?’ The Lord answered him, ‘Go, I will deliver them into your hands.’” – 1 Chronicles 14:10

More evidence God is filled with bloodlust.  He could easily stop the Philistines.  He is an all-powerful god after all.  Instead he chooses war.  How many innocents were killed in this battle?  We don’t know, but it is surely greater than zero.

“So David’s fame spread throughout every land, and the Lord made all the nations fear him.” – 1 Chronicles 14:17

Another example of God being a horrible parent.  Good parents don’t rule over their children by forcing them to fear them.  That’s child abuse.

That concludes this chapter of 1 Chronicles.  More evidence of God’s bloodlust and horrible parenting skills.

Coming Soon:  1 Chronicles – Chapter 15:  The Ark Brought to Jerusalem

1 Chronicles – Chapter 13: Bringing Back the Ark

After a quick look in 2 Samuel, it’s time to get back to 1 Chronicles, starting with Chapter 13.

“When they came to the threshing floor of Kidon, Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the ark, because the oxen stumbled. The Lord’s anger burned against Uzzah, and he struck him down because he had put his hand on the ark. So he died there before God.” – 1 Chronicles 13:9

This is a repeat of the story in 2 Samuel 6.  Further evidence you should never touch God’s shit!  😊

And that’s about it.  Let me end by posing this question.  Is a god who kills someone who tried to save said god’s ark from being damaged worthy of one’s worship?  Hell no!

Coming Soon:  1 Chronicles – Chapter 14:  David’s House and Family

1 Chronicles – Chapter 12: Warriors Join David

This is post #666 on this blog.  😊  Maybe I’ll make this the very last post on this blog ever?  Hmmm.  That is a fitting end.  Nah…must keep going as there’s so much more silliness in the Bible to discuss.  In our last look in the Bible we were in 1 Chronicles discussing the ridiculous stories and killing taking place.  I stated it then, have already stated it many times, and will likely state it many more times, the Bible would be MUCH more believable if the stories themselves weren’t so far fetched.  Let’s jump in and see what 1 Chronicles 12 has in store for us.

“Some Gadites defected to David at his stronghold in the wilderness. They were brave warriors, ready for battle and able to handle the shield and spear.” – 1 Chronicles 12:8

This chapter started with genealogy.  The verse above shows us the continued desire by the authors of the Bible to show their bloodlust.  The people are described as warriors ready for battle.  What this really means is there are many warriors ready to kill in the name of the Lord.

“These Gadites were army commanders; the least was a match for a hundred, and the greatest for a thousand.” – 1 Chronicles 12:14

Here is the ridiculousness I mentioned a few paragraphs ago.  What is wrong with stating these commanders are trained warriors and leave it at that?  Why then go on to say the very least of them is a match for a hundred normal warriors?  It makes the story more ridiculous and less believable.  No man, no matter how great of a warrior, is a match for hundred men, let alone a thousand.

“Day after day men came to help David, until he had a great army, like the army of God.” – 1 Chronicles 12:22

Like the army of God?  You mean the ACTUAL army of God?  God has chosen David has his lackey and is using David and his men to kill in his name.  There’s either no god and this is the act of mortal men or God is a huge anger-filled jackass who demands the killing of his own creations.  I prefer the former.

The next several verses list the number of fighting men from each tribe, totaling approximately 378,000 fighting men.  Yet I doubt God’s bloodlust is satisfied.

“All these were fighting men who volunteered to serve in the ranks.” – 1 Chronicles 12:38

These were volunteer fighters?  ROFL!  There is NO WAY these hundreds of thousands of men are volunteers.  Not given the demands to follow God we’ve seen time and time again in the Bible.

That concludes 1 Chronicles 12.  God is building quite the army which really means that many, many people, including women and children, are about to die horrible, painful deaths.  In other words, a typical chapter in the Bible.

Coming Soon:  Psalms – Chapter 133:  A song of ascents. Of David.

1 Chronicles – Chapter 14: David’s House and Family

The story of David and the Israelites continues in 1 Chronicles 14.  In the previous chapter, we learned that you never touch God’s stuff for God will kill you if you do.  That is actually what happened in 1 Chronicles 13!!!

“And David knew that the Lord had established him as king over Israel and that his kingdom had been highly exalted for the sake of his people Israel.” – 1 Chronicles 14:2

Well, except for that poor guy who touched God’s stuff and was killed by God!  He was not exalted.

“In Jerusalem David took more wives and became the father of more sons and daughters.” – 1 Chronicles 14:3

Ah, traditional biblical family values at their finest!  Multiple wives!

“David inquired of God: ‘Shall I go and attack the Philistines? Will you deliver them into my hands?’ The Lord answered him, ‘Go, I will deliver them into your hands.’” – 1 Chronicles 14:10

More evidence God is filled with bloodlust.  He could easily stop the Philistines.  He is an all-powerful god after all.  Instead he chooses war.  How many innocents were killed in this battle?  We don’t know, but it is surely greater than zero.

“So David’s fame spread throughout every land, and the Lord made all the nations fear him.” – 1 Chronicles 14:17

Another example of God being a horrible parent.  Good parents don’t rule over their children by forcing them to fear them.  That’s child abuse.

That concludes this chapter of 1 Chronicles.  More evidence of God’s bloodlust and horrible parenting skills.

Coming Soon:  1 Chronicles – Chapter 15:  The Ark Brought to Jerusalem