1 Chronicles – Chapter 20: The Capture of Rabbah

The last two chapters we discussed were horrible, disgusting chapters of David and God killing, raping, and enslaving.  The killing was not limited to adults as a baby was killed too.  I know I said this last time, but is it possible for this chapter to top the disgusting level of the previous two?  Dare I ask?  Too late!

“He took a great quantity of plunder from the city and brought out the people who were there, consigning them to labor with saws and with iron picks and axes. David did this to all the Ammonite towns.” – 1 Chronicles 20:2-3

A repeat of the disgusting killing and enslaving of people we saw in 2 Samuel 12.  Once again, this is so important the Bible repeats this story just to make sure we are aware that it’s okay to kill those not like us.  Ug.  What a horrible book!

The chapter ends with a few more stories of armies being attacked and killed.  Does that make this chapter more disgusting than the previous two?  Well, babies weren’t killed.  They probably were, but baby killing was not explicitly stated.  That doesn’t make this chapter moral, however.  It is still very disgusting.

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 32:  Of David. A maskil.


2 Samuel 10:4 and 1 Chronicles 19:4

Today’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday is just a tiny bit different in that it looks at two verses in separate chapters, 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles.  The two chapters are very, very similar in nature and often have verses that are a direct copy.  I’ve selected two verses that start a story that is so ‘moral’ it was repeated twice in the Bible.  I discussed one of these chapters in yesterday’s post and the other chapter in last Friday’s post.

“So Hanun seized David’s envoys, shaved them, cut off their garments at the buttocks, and sent them away.” – 1 Chronicles 19:4

“So Hanun seized David’s envoys, shaved off half of each man’s beard, cut off their garments at the buttocks, and sent them away.” – 2 Samuel 10:4

The only difference in the two verses is the percentage of beard that was shaved off the men.  The part that I wish to point out is the taking of pants by one army from another.  Um, this is supposed to be a book of morals, according to Christians, yet the story of one army losing their pants is repeated twice!  Now that’s some crazy in the Bible.

It gets even crazier as David’s army then goes on to kill the army that took their pants!  Is killing the justified response to getting de-pants?  According to the Bible it is…TWICE!

1 Chronicles – Chapter 19: David Defeats the Ammonites

Today we move from 2 Samuel to 1 Chronicles.  As I’ve stated before, 1 Chronicles is very, very similar to 2 Samuel and in many/most verses an exact copy.  Today we look at Chapter 19 which is a copy of 2 Samuel 10, the chapter where we saw David’s army de-pants.  Yes, the story of one army having their pants taken away and then killing the other army as revenge was so good the authors of the Bible decided it needed repeating in a second chapter.  And yes, Christians believe the Bible they have never read is a book of morals.  Sigh.

“So Hanun seized David’s envoys, shaved them, cut off their garments at the buttocks, and sent them away.” – 1 Chronicles 19:4

Yes, if you are shaking your head, that is the correct response to reading this.

“But they fled before Israel, and David killed seven thousand of their charioteers and forty thousand of their foot soldiers. He also killed Shophak the commander of their army.” – 1 Chronicles 19:18

In case you thought 2 Samuel 10 was incorrect, this verse verifies that it wasn’t.  It is unbelievable that the Bible has a story (twice!) of one army losing their pants and then taking revenge and killing 47,000 people in the other army.  This story is so ‘moral’ that it’s in the Bible twice!  Twice!!!  Unbelievable!  Dear Christians:  Please READ the book you worship.

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 20:  For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 Chronicles – Chapter 18: David’s Victories

Today’s chapter discussion will appear very similar to last Wednesday’s discussion on 2 Samuel 8.  There’s a good reason for this.  2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles are very, very similar.  Notice the titles are the same.  Much of what is in today’s chapter is a copy of 2 Samuel 8.

“David captured a thousand of his chariots, seven thousand charioteers and twenty thousand foot soldiers.” – 1 Chronicles 18:4

See?  A repeat discussion of the number of people David has murdered and enslaved.  The authors of the Bible found this destruction so important that they discussed it in two separate chapters, essentially verbatim!

“David took the gold shields carried by the officers of Hadadezer and brought them to Jerusalem.” – 1 Chronicles 18:7

Not just a repeat of the killing, but the stealing as well.

That’s really all there is to this chapter.  A description of David’s conquests.  The Bible makes it sound as if the number of people you kill is a far greater indicator of your character than the good deeds you do for others.  Is this the moral the Bible is teaching?  It sure seems like it.  Anyone who argues that Atheists have nothing to get their morals from is an individual who has never read the Bible.  If they have read the Bible, then I am truly scared of what that individual may do in the future if they really do consider the Bible a book of morals.

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 50:  A psalm of Asaph.

1 Chronicles – Chapter 17: God’s Promise to David

Today’s chapter has the same title as the chapter discussed two days ago.  Remember that Samuel and Chronicles have many similarities and are often copies of each other, so this chapter is very, very similar to the last chapter from 2 Samuel.

“Nathan replied to David, ‘Whatever you have in mind, do it, for God is with you.’” – 1 Chronicles 17:2

Whatever you have in mind?  If David wanted to rape 100 women, God is with him?  I believe that given how awful this god is.

With that I will end the discussion on this chapter.  There are 27 verses but all are a very close replicate of 2 Samuel 7, which we already discussed.  There’s no need for me to repeat that discussion.

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 25:  Of David.

1 Chronicles – Chapter 16: Ministering Before the Ark

Our trek through the Bible continues today with 1 Chronicles 16.  As the title states, the focus is on the Ark of God.  There are several chapters devoted to this ark.  God is much more concerned with how his ark is treated than how human beings, his supposed creations, are treated.  As we already know, fuck up with God’s ark and you are toast…literally.  Okay, not literally turned it a piece of toast, but toasted by God zapping you to death!  Let’s see what 1 Chronicles 16 has to offer.

“He appointed some of the Levites to minister before the ark of the Lord, to extol, thank, and praise the Lord, the God of Israel:” – 1 Chronicles 16:4

One can only hope, given the horrible working conditions, this job comes with some good union benefit.

“Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done.” – 1 Chronicles 16:8

Yes!  I absolutely agree with the latter half of this statement.  Please go out and tell the nations what God has done.  Tell the nations of the murder.  Tell the nations of the rape.  Tell the nations of the theft!  Something tells me though that these are not the things that will be told.  The truth will not be shared.

“Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced…” – 1 Chronicles 16:12

Judgements yes, but miracles no.  God has pronounced many unjust judgements.  Miracles?  Unless you count murder, rape, and theft miracles, there are no miracles to be found.

“He remembers his covenant forever…” – 1 Chronicles 16:15

Except when he doesn’t.  This of course is apologized away by saying God works in ‘mysterious’ ways.  Mysterious of course is just code for ‘God doesn’t exist but I’ve been indoctrinating into believing he must exist so therefore I will say ‘mysterious’ to justify his existence.’

“To you I will give the land of Canaan as the portion you will inherit.” – 1 Chronicles 16:18

Completely ignoring, of course, that people already occupied this land!

“He allowed no one to oppress them…” – 1 Chronicles 16:21

This is a big lie that is easily debunked.  God himself hardened the hearts of the Egyptians who deeply oppressed the Israelites!  God oppresses the Israelites!

“For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.” – 1 Chronicles 16:25

And there again is the demand to fear God.  If you are required to fear your elders, or in this case, god, then what you have is direct evidence of abuse.

“The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.” – 1 Chronicles 16:30

No, it is not.  The Earth moves around the Sun.  The Sun moves around the Galactic Center.  The Galaxy moves through the Universe.  Even on Earth, continents move due to plate tectonics.  Mountains are continually being created or wearing down due to natural processes.  The world is anything but firmly established.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.” – 1 Chronicles 16:34

No thanks.  I will never thank someone who demands I fear him.

“Heman and Jeduthun were responsible for the sounding of the trumpets and cymbals and for the playing of the other instruments for sacred song. The sons of Jeduthun were stationed at the gate.” – 1 Chronicles 16:42

I feel bad for these individuals as one wrong note on the trumpets/cymbals and God will strike them down.

That concludes 1 Chronicles 16.  It pushes the theme that we must fear God.  What a horrible message!  Good parents don’t rule their kids with fear, so why should we expect to live our lives in fear of a god?  It makes no sense!

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 1:  Untitled

1 Chronicles – Chapter 15: The Ark Brought to Jerusalem

Today we continue digging through 1 Chronicles, this time looking into Chapter 15.

“Then David said, ‘No one but the Levites may carry the ark of God, because the Lord chose them to carry the ark of the Lord and to minister before him forever.’” – 1 Chronicles 15:2

Wow!  That’s a death sentence for the Levites!  Do the wrong thing while carrying the ark of God and you are zapped dead, as we learned a couple of chapters ago.

“It was because you, the Levites, did not bring it up the first time that the Lord our God broke out in anger against us.” – 1 Chronicles 15:13

This god is easily angered.  Not a god of love.  Next come several verses of David and the Levites determining who will do what jobs while carrying the ark of God.  Very important stuff!  It’s not as if there are more important things to do, such as stopping the rape and slaughter of innocents.

“As the ark of the covenant of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David dancing and celebrating, she despised him in her heart.” – 1 Chronicles 15:29

Again, this is a repeat of what we already read in a previous chapter.  Saul is the one who God controlled and later tossed away in favor of David.  Thus Michal, Saul’s daughter, has reason to despise David.  That and David has killed many, many people, including innocent women and children.  This alone is reason to be despised by everyone, not just Michal.

Coming Soon:  1 Chronicles – Chapter 16:  Ministering Before the Ark