2 Chronicles 18:21-22

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we see God forcing people to lie to prove his point. Sigh.

“‘I will go and be a deceiving spirit in the mouths of all his prophets,’ he said. ‘You will succeed in enticing him,’ said the Lord. ‘Go and do it.’ ‘So now the Lord has put a deceiving spirit in the mouths of these prophets of yours. The Lord has decreed disaster for you.’” – 2 Chronicles 18:21-22

Much of the Bible focuses on how evil the average person is. God has to punish people because they lie, deceive, murder, etc. But this verse shows us that God is the one forcing the people to lie! So how often are people punished by God because God forced them to lie? Hmm. An evil god, causing people to be evil, so he can punish them for their evil. Biblical morality.

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2 Chronicles – Chapter 26: Uzziah King of Judah

The book of 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles mirror each other in many ways, including some direct repetition. Today we move to 2 Chronicles to learn about King Uzziah.

“Then all the people of Judah took Uzziah, who was sixteen years old, and made him king in place of his father Amaziah.  He was the one who rebuilt Elath and restored it to Judah after Amaziah rested with his ancestors.” – 2 Chronicles 26:1-2

So far so good for Uzziah.

“He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, just as his father Amaziah had done.” – 2 Chronicles 26:4

Okay, things are continuing to go well.

“God helped him against the Philistines and against the Arabs who lived in Gur Baal and against the Meunites.” – 2 Chronicles 26:7

God still supporting Uzziah at this point.

“But after Uzziah became powerful, his pride led to his downfall. He was unfaithful to the Lord his God, and entered the temple of the Lord to burn incense on the altar of incense.  Azariah the priest with eighty other courageous priests of the Lord followed him in.  They confronted King Uzziah and said, ‘It is not right for you, Uzziah, to burn incense to the Lord. That is for the priests, the descendants of Aaron, who have been consecrated to burn incense. Leave the sanctuary, for you have been unfaithful; and you will not be honored by the Lord God.’” – 2 Chronicles 26:16-18

And there you go folks. How fucking dare Uzziah burn incense on the altar of incense! HOW FUCKING DARE HE!!!

“Uzziah, who had a censer in his hand ready to burn incense, became angry. While he was raging at the priests in their presence before the incense altar in the Lord’s temple, leprosy broke out on his forehead.” – 2 Chronicles 26:19

Just like that, God gives Uzziah leprosy, for burning incense on an altar INTENDED FOR BURNING INCENSE!

“King Uzziah had leprosy until the day he died. He lived in a separate house—leprous, and banned from the temple of the Lord.” – 2 Chronicles 26:21

Thus concludes the life of Uzziah.

This is a hilarious chapter. Uzziah does great good and is righteous in the eyes of the Lord. But then one day he breaks a stupid law and burns incense on an altar where incense is supposed to be burned. Then God gives Uzziah leprosy and Uzziah died. This is the god Christians worship. A god who brings great pain to those who are righteous. Dear Christians…spend more time reading the book you consider the holy word of God!

Coming Soon: Isaiah – Chapter 1: A Rebellious Nation

2 Chronicles – Chapter 25: Amaziah King of Judah

Apparently the story of Amaziah was so important and crucial that the authors of the Bible included it twice. As we learned in a previous post, Amaziah is the king who does right in the eyes of the Lord, but because he wasn’t 100% right, he is punished, just as those who do evil in the eyes of the Lord.

“He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, but not wholeheartedly.” – 2 Chronicles 25:2

Again, this makes no sense. Either he did right in the eyes of the Lord, or he didn’t.

“Yet he did not put their children to death…” – 2 Chronicles 25:4

And herein lies Amaziah’s mistake. He didn’t kill the children. God has multiple times punished the children and grandchildren of the sinner. But Amaziah was too just and only killed those who committed a crime. He didn’t kill the innocent children as God always wants.

“The army of Judah also captured ten thousand men alive, took them to the top of a cliff and threw them down so that all were dashed to pieces.” – 2 Chronicles 25:12

Biblical justice. Take no prisoners!

The chapter continues on, but to sum it up, Amaziah eventually dies. People were killed, the king dies, and a new king is installed. The amazing life those in biblical times suffered through.

Coming Soon: Jonah – Chapter 1: Jonah Flees From the Lord

2 Chronicles – Chapter 24: Joash Repairs the Temple

Today we shift back to 2 Chronicles for a chapter and take a look at 2 Chronicles 24 which is a repeat of 2 Kings 12.

“Joash did what was right in the eyes of the Lord all the years of Jehoiada the priest. Jehoiada chose two wives for him, and he had sons and daughters.” – 2 Chronicles 24:2-3

Joash does what is right in God’s eyes and has two wives. Biblical marriage!

“A proclamation was then issued in Judah and Jerusalem that they should bring to the Lord the tax that Moses the servant of God had required of Israel in the wilderness.” – 2 Chronicles 24:9

The people are taxed to repair a temple.

“After the death of Jehoiada, the officials of Judah came and paid homage to the king, and he listened to them.  They abandoned the temple of the Lord, the God of their ancestors, and worshiped Asherah poles and idols. Because of their guilt, God’s anger came on Judah and Jerusalem.” – 2 Chronicles 24:17-18

The people are once again punished for the crimes of the king.

“At the turn of the year, the army of Aram marched against Joash; it invaded Judah and Jerusalem and killed all the leaders of the people.They sent all the plunder to their king in Damascus. Although the Aramean army had come with only a few men, the Lord delivered into their hands a much larger army. Because Judah had forsaken the Lord, the God of their ancestors, judgment was executed on Joash. When the Arameans withdrew, they left Joash severely wounded.” – 2 Chronicles 24:23-25

And the chapter ends with more killing.

This chapter continues the trend of death and destruction by the hand of God. In other words, your typical Bible chapter.

Coming Soon: 2 Kings – Chapter 14: Amaziah King of Judah

2 Chronicles 11:21

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and we’ve all heard how conservative republicans define marriage. Marriage is between ONE man and ONE woman. Unless you are referring to biblical marriage, which also includes many concubines and wives.

“Rehoboam loved Maakah daughter of Absalom more than any of his other wives and concubines. In all, he had eighteen wives and sixty concubines, twenty-eight sons and sixty daughters.” – 2 Chronicles 11:21

The next time a Christian wants to inform you about marriage and biblical values, point them to this verse, which is one of many discussing multiple wives.

2 Chronicles – Chapter 23: Untitled

More of 2 Chronicles today.

“No one is to enter the temple of the Lord except the priests and Levites on duty; they may enter because they are consecrated, but all the others are to observe the Lord’s command not to enter.” – 2 Chronicles 23:6

Apparently the god who never shows himself needs his personal space.

“Then Athaliah tore her robes and shouted, “Treason! Treason!” – 2 Chronicles 23:13

Why is it people in the Bible tear their clothes or rip off their hair whenever they get mad? Why can’t they just throw things like normal people. 🙂

“Jehoiada then made a covenant that he, the people and the king[c]would be the Lord’s people.” – 2 Chronicles 23:16

Sorry to say, but the Lord is going to disappoint Jehoiada and his people just like God disappoints everyone in the end.

“All the people of the land rejoiced, and the city was calm, because Athaliah had been slain with the sword.” – 2 Chronicles 23:21

And the land lived in peace forever and ever. LOL! Of course not! Eventually these people will piss God off and God will start up the murdering again.

So many kings. So many mad people. So much murder. Sigh. Typical Biblical morals.

Coming Soon: Obadiah – Obadiah’s Vision

2 Chronicles – Chapter 18: Micaiah Prophesies Against Ahab

Today’s chapter is a repeat of 1 Kings 21, as if that chapter wasn’t already silly enough.

“So now the Lord has put a deceiving spirit in the mouths of these prophets of yours. The Lord has decreed disaster for you.” – 2 Chronicles 18:22

In case you didn’t get the message in the last chapter. God is knowingly deceiving the people.

“All day long the battle raged, and the king of Israel propped himself up in his chariot facing the Arameans until evening. Then at sunset he died.” – 2 Chronicles 18:34

And once again, God gets what he wants, death.

Interesting that the authors of the Bible found this story of God’s deception so important they included it twice. It basically shows God is a deceiver, a liar.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 19: Jehoshaphat Appoints Judges