2 Chronicles – Chapter 23: Untitled

More of 2 Chronicles today.

“No one is to enter the temple of the Lord except the priests and Levites on duty; they may enter because they are consecrated, but all the others are to observe the Lord’s command not to enter.” – 2 Chronicles 23:6

Apparently the god who never shows himself needs his personal space.

“Then Athaliah tore her robes and shouted, “Treason! Treason!” – 2 Chronicles 23:13

Why is it people in the Bible tear their clothes or rip off their hair whenever they get mad? Why can’t they just throw things like normal people. 🙂

“Jehoiada then made a covenant that he, the people and the king[c]would be the Lord’s people.” – 2 Chronicles 23:16

Sorry to say, but the Lord is going to disappoint Jehoiada and his people just like God disappoints everyone in the end.

“All the people of the land rejoiced, and the city was calm, because Athaliah had been slain with the sword.” – 2 Chronicles 23:21

And the land lived in peace forever and ever. LOL! Of course not! Eventually these people will piss God off and God will start up the murdering again.

So many kings. So many mad people. So much murder. Sigh. Typical Biblical morals.

Coming Soon: Obadiah – Obadiah’s Vision

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2 Chronicles – Chapter 18: Micaiah Prophesies Against Ahab

Today’s chapter is a repeat of 1 Kings 21, as if that chapter wasn’t already silly enough.

“So now the Lord has put a deceiving spirit in the mouths of these prophets of yours. The Lord has decreed disaster for you.” – 2 Chronicles 18:22

In case you didn’t get the message in the last chapter. God is knowingly deceiving the people.

“All day long the battle raged, and the king of Israel propped himself up in his chariot facing the Arameans until evening. Then at sunset he died.” – 2 Chronicles 18:34

And once again, God gets what he wants, death.

Interesting that the authors of the Bible found this story of God’s deception so important they included it twice. It basically shows God is a deceiver, a liar.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 19: Jehoshaphat Appoints Judges

2 Chronicles – Chapter 17: Jehoshaphat King of Judah

Today we switch back to 2 Chronicles where we get to learn more about kings.

“The Lord was with Jehoshaphat because he followed the ways of his father David before him.” – 2 Chronicles 17:3

God is with this king.

“The fear of the Lord fell on all the kingdoms of the lands surrounding Judah, so that they did not go to war against Jehoshaphat.” – 2 Chronicles 17:10

God is telling everyone to not fuck with Jehoshaphat.

We don’t find out in this chapter as the next several verses are about how many men Jehoshaphat has in the clans.

Coming Soon: 1 Kings – Chapter 17: Elijah Announces a Great Drought

2 Chronicles – Chapter 16: Asa’s Last Years

Today we get to read about Asa’s last years, for the second time in the Bible.

“At the same time Asa brutally oppressed some of the people.” – 2 Chronicles 16:10

So this is interesting given the following verse in 2 Chronicles 14.

“Asa did what was good and right in the eyes of the Lord his God.” – 2 Chronicles 14:2

Asa did what was good in the eyes of the Lord, which included the oppressing of people? Sheesh.

“In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was afflicted with a disease in his feet.” – 2 Chronicles 16:12

Yep…do what is good in the eyes of God (even if that’s morally evil) and God will reward (or punish) you.

“Then in the forty-first year of his reign Asa died and rested with his ancestors.” – 2 Chronicles 16:13

And thus ends the reign of Asa. The biggest take away from this story is Asa does good in the eyes of the Lord, even though that good is really bad, but the Lord, not caring it is actually bad and instead liking it, punishes Asa. Confused? It’s okay. It’s the Bible, so if you’re not confused you aren’t reading it right.

Coming Soon: 1 Kings – Chapter 15:25-34 – Nadab King of Israel

2 Chronicles – Chapter 15: Asa’s Reform

Happy Halloween! Let the devil ride through the streets and terrify the God fearing children with handfuls of candy! LOL! Today we learn more about Asa, who as king is doing all that is right in the eyes of God. We’ll see what this chapter says, but we know from 1 Kings that Asa is eventually punished by God. Doesn’t matter if you do right in the eyes of God as he’s going to eventually fuck you over

“One nation was being crushed by another and one city by another, because God was troubling them with every kind of distress.” – 2 Chronicles 15:6

Um…sounds like the problem here is not the people, but God.

“At that time they sacrificed to the Lord seven hundred head of cattle and seven thousand sheep and goats from the plunder they had brought back.” – 2 Chronicles 15:11

What a stupid thing to do. World hunger thrived in Biblical days, yet God commanded hundreds and thousands of edible animals to be sacrificed to satisfy his own blood lust.

“All who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, were to be put to death,whether small or great, man or woman.” – 2 Chronicles 15:13

Not willing to follow a god that demands you to kill and rape? Well, then death to you!

“Asa’s heart was fully committed to the Lord all his life.” – 2 Chronicles 15:17

And yet we know from 1 Kings that God punished Asa at the end of his life.

What have we learned? If you don’t follow everything God says to do, you will be killed. Critical thinking is a crime punishable by death. Not a god to be worshipped. Not a book of morals.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 16: Asa’s Last Years

2 Chronicles – Chapter 14: Asa King of Judah

Today’s chapter begins with the introduction of a new king, Asa.

“Asa did what was good and right in the eyes of the Lord his God.” – 2 Chronicles 14:2

Good in the eyes of the Lord, eh? I’m sure he will be rewarded.

“The Lord struck down the Cushites before Asa and Judah. The Cushites fled,  and Asa and his army pursued them as far as Gerar. Such a great number of Cushites fell that they could not recover; they were crushed before the Lord and his forces.” – 2 Chronicles 14:12-13

Thus far God is with Asa and helps him in war.

That pretty much ends this chapter. We know from 1 Kings 15 that God punishes Asa with deceased feet, but nothing on that in this chapter.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 15: Asa’s Reform

2 Chronicles – Chapter 13: Abijah King of Judah

Today we switch over to 2 Chronicles to repeat the discussion we had in 1 Kings 15. God loves his kings so much each one has to be discussed twice!

“Don’t you know that the Lord, the God of Israel, has given the kingship of Israel to David and his descendants forever by a covenant of salt?” – 2 Chronicles 13:5

A covenant of salt? SMH. After several battles and many, many deaths, the Bible delivers us a moral lesson.

“But Abijah grew in strength. He married fourteen wives and had twenty-two sons and sixteen daughters.” – 2 Chronicles 13:21

Fourteen wives, eh? Family values at their finest! One wife is not good enough. Every powerful man has multiple wives!

The Bible is disgusting. It is murder, war, rape, incest, and multiple wives/concubines. Not a book to life one’s life by.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 14: Asa King of Judah