Review of 2 Chronicles

I will keep this short today. We recently finished the last chapter in 2 Chronicles, a book that mirrors 2 Kings very closely and in many cases, word for word.

How to sum up 2 Chronicles? Hmmm…let me think. Lots of kings. Lots and lots of kings. Lots of evil. Lots and lots of evil. Angry God. Lots and lots of anger from God. Killing. Lots and lots of killing by God. Peace? Zero. Zero peace to be found.

2 Chronicles – Chapter 36: Jehoahaz King of Judah

We recently finished 2 Kings and today we finish the last chapter of 2 Chronicles. The two books mirror each other very closely.

“Jehoahaz was twenty-three years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem three months.  The king of Egypt dethroned him in Jerusalem and imposed on Judah a levy of a hundred talents of silver and a talent of gold.” – 2 Chronicles 36:2-3

God sure is bringing peace to the land. 

“Jehoiakim was twenty-five years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem eleven years. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord his God.” – 2 Chronicles 36:5

No surprise there. God sees a lot of evil in people.

“Jehoiachin was eighteen years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem three months and ten days. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord.” – 2 Chronicles 36:9

More evil.

“Zedekiah was twenty-one years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem eleven years.  He did evil in the eyes of the Lord his God and did not humble himself before Jeremiah the prophet, who spoke the word of the Lord.” – 2 Chronicles 36:11-12

More evil. Maybe a woman should take over. There’d be a hell of a lot less evil.

And that ends the book of 2 Chronicles. Lots of kings and lots of evil. Now who was it that introduced evil to the world? Oh yeah, God! See Isaiah 45:7

Coming Soon: Habakkuk – Chapter 1: Habakkuk’s Complaint

2 Chronicles 36:9

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today God is crazy in this verse.

“Jehoiachin was eighteen years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem three months and ten days. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord.” – 2 Chronicles 36:9

Wait, what’s so crazy about that? Check out the King James Version of this verse.

“Jehoiachin was eight years old when he began to reign, and he reigned three months and ten days in Jerusalem: and he did that which was evil in the sight of the Lord.” – 2 Chronicles 36:9

In the KJV the king is eight years old. An eight year old was evil according to God. LOL! Then humans (and let’s be honest, old, white men) changed the Bible because they thought, well shit, it’s crazy the king was eight years old and evil, so let’s change the king’s age to eighteen so it seems less crazy.

Now that’s some crazy shit!

2 Chronicles – Chapter 35: Josiah Celebrates the Passover

Today we continue in the book of 2 Chronicles.

“The Passover had not been observed like this in Israel since the days of the prophet Samuel; and none of the kings of Israel had ever celebrated such a Passover as did Josiah, with the priests, the Levites and all Judah and Israel who were there with the people of Jerusalem.” – 2 Chronicles 35:18

This chapter starts with all of the preparations taken for the Passover.

“Josiah, however, would not turn away from him, but disguised himself to engage him in battle. He would not listen to what Necho had said at God’s command but went to fight him on the plain of Megiddo.” – 2 Chronicles 35:22

Josiah is about to meet his end.

“Archers shot King Josiah, and he told his officers, ‘Take me away; I am badly wounded.’ So they took him out of his chariot, put him in his other chariot and brought him to Jerusalem, where he died.” – 2 Chronicles 35:23-24

The Bible says Josiah is a king who does good in the eyes of the Lord, yet God has Josiah killed before his natural time.

What did we learn in this chapter? Josiah threw a big party for God that God approved and then God had Josiah killed in battle. Yep.

Coming Soon: Zephaniah – Chapter 1: Judgment on the Whole Earth in the Day of the Lord

2 Chronicles – Chapter 34: Josiah’s Reforms

Today we move to 2 Chronicles 34 which repeats the story of King Josiah, the king who does everything God wants, but God still has him killed in battle.

“She said to them, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: Tell the man who sent you to me, ‘This is what the Lord says: I am going to bring disaster on this place and its people—all the curses written in the book that has been read in the presence of the king of Judah.’’” – 2 Chronicles 34:23-24

Similar to 2 Kings, God punishes those who he didn’t tell the law to.

I won’t bother adding anything else. Just read the posts on 2 Kings 22. This chapter is just a repeat of that chapter.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 35: Josiah Celebrates the Passover

2 Chronicles – Chapter 33: Manasseh King of Judah

Today we continue in the book of 2 Chronicles. Hezekiah has died and Manasseh is now king.

“Manasseh was twelve years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem fifty-five years. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord, following the detestable practices of the nations the Lord had driven out before the Israelites.” – 2 Chronicles 33:1-2

We learned this same story in 2 Kings. God is bringing good and peace to the land but allows Manasseh to rule with evil for close to six decades. Sure.

“He sacrificed his children in the fire in the Valley of Ben Hinnom, practiced divination and witchcraft, sought omens, and consulted mediums and spiritists.” – 2 Chronicles 33:6

Yep, sacrificing your own children in a fire is evil. But let us not forget that God commanded Abraham to sacrifice his son as a test of Abraham’s love for God.

“The Lord spoke to Manasseh and his people, but they paid no attention. So the Lord brought against them the army commanders of the king of Assyria, who took Manasseh prisoner, put a hook in his nose, bound him with bronze shackles and took him to Babylon.” – 2 Chronicles 33:10-11

God steps in, but remember, God let this evil king rule for 55 years. Ruled for 55 years!

“And when he prayed to him, the Lord was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea; so he brought him back to Jerusalem and to his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the Lord is God.” – 2 Chronicles 33:13

God could have stopped this evil, but he didn’t. Instead God forgives Manasseh. The most evil character in all the stories of the Bible? That would be God.

“Amon was twenty-two years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem two years He did evil in the eyes of the Lord, as his father Manasseh had done.” – 2 Chronicles 33:21-22

Are you fucking kidding me? God says he is bringing in peace but then lets another evil king rule for additional years after the previous evil king ruled for 55 years. God has no intention of bringing peace.

God is not the bringer of peace. He is the bringer of evil. Much evil.

Coming Soon: Nahum – Chapter 1: The Lord’s Anger Against Nineveh

2 Chronicles – Chapter 32: Sennacherib Threatens Jerusalem

The books of 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles are closely related and are often copies of each other. In our last chapter discussed, we took a look at a chapter in 2 Kings and learned that God is bringing peace, but allowed an evil king to rule for close to six decades! God is bringing peace? Sure. Let’s see what this chapter in 2 Chronicles has in store for us.

“After all that Hezekiah had so faithfully done, Sennacherib king of Assyria came and invaded Judah.” – 2 Chronicles 32:1

A sure sign that God loves you. LOL!

“‘With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles.’ And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said.” – 2 Chronicles 32:8

Will God step in and save the people of Hezekiah? We shall see. God has a spotty record of helping people.

“And the Lord sent an angel, who annihilated all the fighting men and the commanders and officers in the camp of the Assyrian king.” – 2 Chronicles 32:21

This time God steps in and saves the day, but he only does so after Hezekiah and his people beg for God to help them. A loving individual doesn’t require others to beg to receive love.

“In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. He prayed to the Lord, who answered him and gave him a miraculous sign. But Hezekiah’s heart was proud and he did not respond to the kindness shown him; therefore the Lord’s wrath was on him and on Judah and Jerusalem.” – 2 Chronicles 32:24-25

Hezekiah prays to God but because he doesn’t do it correctly, God will not save Hezekiah.

The chapter ends with the death of Hezekiah, a good king, but still one that God would not save because of God’s stupid, pathetic rules about how to pray and ask God for help. The biblical god is a petty god.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 33: Manasseh King of Judah

2 Chronicles – Chapter 31: Contributions for Worship

The story of Hezekiah is not over yet. It continues in 2 Chronicles 31.

“When all this had ended, the Israelites who were there went out to the towns of Judah, smashed the sacred stones and cut down the Asherah poles.” – 2 Chronicles 31:1

I find it interesting that the very Christians who support this destruction of property are completely against Confederate statues being torn down. When it comes to racism, they always shout out that we shouldn’t destroy history. But when it comes to history of other religions, they are all for destroying it.

“As for the priests, the descendants of Aaron, who lived on the farmlands around their towns or in any other towns, men were designated by name to distribute portions to every male among them and to all who were recorded in the genealogies of the Levites.” – 2 Chronicles 31:19

Fuck the women!

“This is what Hezekiah did throughout Judah, doing what was good and right and faithful before the Lord his God.” – 2 Chronicles 31:20

Sure…based on what we’ve read so far, Hezekiah had a bunch of statues torn down and a bunch of animals slaughtered and burned to satisfy God’s blood lust. What has he done to actually help the people?

Coming Soon: Psalm – Chapter 48: A song. A psalm of the Sons of Korah.

2 Chronicles – Chapter 30: Hezekiah Celebrates the Passover

The story of Hezekiah continues today in 2 Chronicles 30.

“The king and his officials and the whole assembly in Jerusalem decided to celebrate the Passover in the second month.” – 2 Chronicles 30:2

What to do after sacrificing thousands of animals to God? Throw a party!!!

“Do not be like your parents and your fellow Israelites, who were unfaithful to the Lord, the God of their ancestors, so that he made them an object of horror, as you see.” – 2 Chronicles 30:7

Sure…God has the power to make people believe, to show people real signs of his existence, but he doesn’t. Thus when people question and think critically, he kills them all. Sigh.

“The couriers went from town to town in Ephraim and Manasseh, as far as Zebulun, but the people scorned and ridiculed them.” – 2 Chronicles 30:10

As they should! You would do the same if couriers knocked on your door to share religion with you. In fact, you already probably do it when Mormon’s or Jehovah Witnesses knock on the door!

“Since many in the crowd had not consecrated themselves, the Levites had to kill the Passover lambs for all those who were not ceremonially clean and could not consecrate their lambs to the Lord.” – 2 Chronicles 30:17

More stupid rules from God. Some of the Levites were not clean so lambs had to be killed. What…the…fuck?!?!?!?

“There was great joy in Jerusalem, for since the days of Solomon son of David king of Israel there had been nothing like this in Jerusalem.” – 2 Chronicles 30:26

We killed lots of animals to satisfy God’s blood lust. Woohoo!!!

The Bible has become very repetitive in these chapters. It starts with kings God likes and then goes to kings God doesn’t like and then switches back and forth. What’s the real problem in all of this? It’s not the people. The problem is God.

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 31: Contributions for Worship

2 Chronicles – Chapter 29: Hezekiah Purifies the Temple

Today we shift back to 2 Chronicles. This chapter is similar to 2 Kings 8 and talks about King Hezekiah.

“And he did that which was right in the sight of the Lord, according to all that David his father had done.” – 2 Chronicles 29:2

David had hundreds to thousands of wives and concubines. Traditional biblical marriage at its best. 🙂

“He in the first year of his reign, in the first month, opened the doors of the house of the Lord, and repaired them.” – 2 Chronicles 29:3

But God is petty, so all you have to do is kiss his ass and he loves you. Doesn’t matter if you are a truly moral person. Say nice things to God and he’ll love you.

“Then they went in to King Hezekiah and reported: ‘We have purified the entire temple of the Lord, the altar of burnt offering with all its utensils, and the table for setting out the consecrated bread, with all its articles.’” – 2 Chronicles 29:18

God likes his shit clean.

“So they slaughtered the bulls, and the priests took the blood and splashed it against the altar; next they slaughtered the rams and splashed their blood against the altar; then they slaughtered the lambs and splashed their blood against the altar.” – 2 Chronicles 29:22

Sounds like a waste of food at a time when too many people are struggling to acquire adequate nourishment. Then again, God was never really about caring for people.

“The number of burnt offerings the assembly brought was seventy bulls, a hundred rams and two hundred male lambs—all of them for burnt offerings to the Lord. The animals consecrated as sacrifices amounted to six hundred bulls and three thousand sheep and goats.” – 2 Chronicles 29:32-33

If you were thinking that maybe only one animal was sacrificed, think again. Thousands of animals were sacrificed!

“So the service of the temple of the Lord was reestablished. Hezekiah and all the people rejoiced at what God had brought about for his people, because it was done so quickly.” – 2 Chronicles 29:35-36

Woohoo! We sacrificed a bunch of animals! We are the best! God loves us now!

This is another in a long line of chapters that clearly show how ridiculous the Bible is when actually read. To make God love you again you have to burn thousands of animals? Seriously? This is who Christians worship?

Coming Soon: 2 Chronicles – Chapter 30: Hezekiah Celebrates the Passover