2 Kings 6:27-29

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!  Atheists eat babies, right?  Not exactly, but do you know who does eat babies?  Biblical characters!

“The king replied, ‘If the Lord does not help you, where can I get help for you? From the threshing floor? From the winepress?’ Then he asked her, ‘What’s the matter?’ She answered, ‘This woman said to me, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him today, and tomorrow we’ll eat my son.’ So we cooked my son and ate him. The next day I said to her, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him,’ but she had hidden him.’” – 2 Kings 6:27-29

Wow!  Eating babies in the Bible!  Just yesterday, in Psalms 121, according to David, God keeps all from harm!  Apparently not this baby for he was eaten!  What kind of god allows an innocent child to be eaten?  What kind of god allows people to go so hungry that they resort to eating their children?!?!?  Not a loving god.  Not a kind god.  Not a compassionate god.  Only an evil god who gets his jollies off watching others suffer.

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2 Kings 6:6

 Today’s crazy Bible verse shows us the authors of the Bible understood nothing about basic science.

“The man of God asked, ‘Where did it fall?’ When he showed him the place, Elisha cut a stick and threw it there, and made the iron float.” – 2 Kings 6:6

To put some context on this quote, the title of this chapter is “The Axhead Floats”.  While cutting down trees, an iron ax falls in the water.  Apparently throwing a stick in the water will make iron float.  WTF?  Let me discuss some real science.  Objects more dense than water will sink.  Objects less dense than water will float.

Fresh water has a density of 1 gm/cm3.  Iron has density of 7.87 gm/cm3.  That’s nearly 8 times the density of water.  Thus iron sinks in water.  Salt water is more dense than fresh water, but coming in at a density of between 1.02 – 1.03 gm/cm3 it still falls well short of the density of iron.

I suppose the water in this Bible verse isn’t really water but some other liquid.  Maybe it’s a big pool of mercury which has a density of over 13 gm/cm3.  Iron would definitely float in mercury.  So either the Bible is science illiterate or this was a lake of mercury.  Some studies show that mercury exposure is linked to dementia.  Given what else is in the Bible, maybe this really was a lake of mercury!  🙂

2 Kings 2:23-25

Today’s crazy bible verse is actually three verses from the book of 2 Kings.

“From there Elisha went up to Bethel.  As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him.  “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said.  “Go on up, you baldhead!”  He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord.  Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two youths.  And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria.” – 2 Kings 2:23-25

What…the…f—?!?!?!?!  So a bunch of young kids playing together in a group start taunting Elisha for his baldness.  In a perfect world (one a supposedly perfect God did NOT create for some unknown reason) the kids would have respected Elisha and let him be.  Remember back to when you were a child.  You did a ton of things you weren’t supposed to do.  All kids do.  Should the kids have been punished for their harsh words?  Sure!  Take away whatever toys they played with.  Give them extra chores on the farm.  What does God do?  He brings down two bears to MURDER forty two children!!!

Again, what…the…f—?!?!?!?!  God decides that calling someone bald is punishable by…death?!?!?!  What kind of God is this?

Let me shift my focus for a second.  Let’s assume God did send two bears to attack the children.  These are children, so they aren’t going to fight off two bears.  However, the children do have legs and I imagine some, if not most of them will run.  Maybe a couple are frozen in fear and the bears attack them first.  However, it takes time for a bear to kill someone.  Maybe not a lot of time, but time none the less.  The Bible tries to tell us that two bears managed to kill forty two children.  I don’t believe that for a second.  There will be a few deaths, but most of the children will escape.  When a bear attacks someone today, a single bear rarely kills more than one person in a single attack.  There’s simply no way that two bears can kill forty two children.  I’d say 5, maybe 6 tops before the other kids reach safety.

Regardless of the number of children two bears can kill, God chose to punish these kids by death for simply calling a man bald.  WTF?!?!  That is the very definition of an evil God.