Isaiah 40:8

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is just plain silly and completely misses the point.

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.” – Isaiah 40:8

This verse intends to convey the message that things come into being and things die, but God exists forever. Really? Using grass and flowers is a horrible way of describing it. Yeah, grass withers, but it can survive extreme drought. It will re-grow. Yes, flowers lose their petals, but many will re-grow in the spring. Those that don’t produce seeds to continue life. It’s easy to argue that grass and flowers are FAR MORE enduring than the word of God. God’s word of killing babies, starting wars, and throwing out those who are different? Forget it. I’ll take withering grass and flowers as they are far stronger than the god of the Bible.

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1 Corinthians 16:22

Today is once again Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and we learn that you’d better love the Lord or ELSE!!!

“If anyone does not love the Lord, let that person be cursed! Come, Lord!” 1 Corinthians 16:22Unc

The Lord may murder children but you’d better fucking love him or he’ll kill you too.

1 Chronicles 13:9-10

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we see God, the village idiot.

“When they came to the threshing floor of Kidon, Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the ark, because the oxen stumbled. The Lord’s anger burned against Uzzah, and he struck him down because he had put his hand on the ark. So he died there before God.” – 1 Chronicles 13:9-10

Someone tries to help God by saving the ark from damage and God kills that person. Jesus fucking christ.

Revelation 21:16

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we learn that heaven has a finite size.

“The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide. He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia in length, and as wide and high as it is long.” – Revelation 21:16

The city in question is a city in the sky, otherwise known as heaven. One stadia is 607 feet. Converting this to a square area in miles squared gives a city that is about 1.9 million square miles. That may seem large, but the United States is about 3.8 million square millions, meaning heaven is about half the size of the U.S.? Seems there will be a space problem if every Christian in all of history is supposed to go to heaven. Are there rent control policies in place?

Revelation 22:20

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse focuses on the return of Jesus.

He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.” – Revelation 22:20

This is crazy because it is now supposedly 2000 years after the time of Jesus and we are still waiting. The Bible’s version of ‘quickly’ is well, not quickly. 🙂

Philemon 7

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s crazy comes by looking at and comparing Philemon 7 in the NIV and KJV.

“Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.” – Philemon 7 (NIV)

Not so bad and not so crazy, but let’s look at what the KJV says on this.

For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.” – Philemon 7 (KJV)

LOL! Takes on a whole new meaning! In the NIV, it’s about your heart. In the KJV, it’s about what you shit out your asshole.  ROFL! I’m guessing this verse in the KJV is never discussed in church. 🙂

2 Kings 8:1

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse shows that God is not nice.

Now Elisha had said to the woman whose son he had restored to life, “Go away with your family and stay for a while wherever you can, because the Lord has decreed a famine in the land that will last seven years.” – 2 Kings 8:1

A famine that will last 7 years, eh? That’s not very nice and will likely lead to many people, including children and babies, to their death. If the people were not listening to God, there’s an easy thing God can do, given he’s God and all. If God is who Christians claim, God can make the people listen to him. Done. Simple. No killing. No innocent babies killed. But that’s not this god. This god demands death and bloodshed. Thus the people will now suffer hunger and starvation for the next 7 years.

Next time Christians tell you God loves you, point them to this verse and ask them if God really loves the people. A loving god doesn’t kill.