Micah 6:2

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse contains a huge dose of anti-science.

“Hear, you mountains, the Lord’s accusation; listen, you everlasting foundations of the earth.” – Micah 6:2

Mountains are not everlasting.  They come and go over millions of years.  They wear down from erosion.  They grow because of plate tectonics.  They are CONSTANTLY changing.  This is the exact opposite of everlasting.  I understand why the human authors of the Bible thought mountains were everlasting, but Christians tell us the Bible is “God breathed”.  If the Bible is the word of God, you’d think God would know how mountains work?  Conclusion?  There is no god, or this god knows less than a first grader.

Matthew 8:3

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today it’s time to talk about the impossible happening.

“Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. ‘I am willing,’ he said. ‘Be clean!’ Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.” – Matthew 8:3

This is similar to the talking snake, talking donkey, burning bush, etc.  Things that are absolutely impossible.  No, I don’t care how much ‘faith’ you have, no one cured leprosy by a simple touch.  It’s not medical science.  It’s a story and a poor one at that.  If your religion requires you to believe the Bible without questioning, you need to find a new religion.  Better yet, leave religion altogether!  At the very least however, don’t listen to your church on this.  Think for yourself.  Do you really think a snake spoke?  Do you really think a sea parted to both sides?  Do you really think a leper was cured by the touch of Jesus?  Or is there a much more plausible explanation?

There’s a reason why churches tell their flocks to simply have faith.  Having faith is easy.  It requires no thinking.  Questioning and following the evidence is hard, especially when it contradicts your pre-conceived notions.  I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather live a life of questioning and learning than a life in which I simply have faith Jesus cured a leper by touch.

Nahum 1:3-4

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday which means it’s time for some CRAZZZZYYYY in the Bible.  Today’s verses come from the book of Nahum.

“The Lord is slow to anger but great in power; the Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished.  His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and clouds are the dust of his feet. He rebukes the sea and dries it up; he makes all the rivers run dry.” – Nahum 1:3-4

So much to digest in these two verses.  The Lord is slow to anger?  ROFL!!!  We’ve seen over and over that God is easily angered.  He wiped out all of humanity in a flood for crying out loud!  I’d say he’s quite quick to anger.  He will not leave the guilty unpunished?  Hardly.  Ah yes, burning in hell forever…sure.  You aren’t going to convince me God punishes the guilty through an unobservable hell.  In fact, we see over and over that the INNOCENT are the ones God punishes most frequently!

Whirlwinds, storms, clouds of dust, drying seas, and drying rivers?  It’s called weather and climate change.  Science tells us why these things happen.  A god is not needed to explain natural catastrophes.  And that flood that killed all of humanity?  No scientific evidence exists to support it.

In my view the craziest part of these two verses is the slow to anger part.  The entire Bible contradicts this!

Mark 7:9-13

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is a set of verses that tell an interesting story of Jesus not being the loving guy Christians make him out to be.

“And he continued, ‘You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions!  For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’ But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is Corban (that is, devoted to God)—then you no longer let them do anything for their father or mother. Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that.” – Mark 7:9-13

Basically, the people have determined God’s laws of putting children to death is unjust, but Jesus says otherwise.  Jesus says the old laws must be followed, including those that put your children to death.  Remember though, Jesus loves you, but only if you murder your family.  Ahhh…isn’t that so cute?  😊

Matthew 7:7-8

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  Jesus states very clearly that your prayers will be answered.  All you need to do is simply ask.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” – Matthew 7:7-8

That would be awesome…if it worked.  We, even Christians, know that you don’t always get what you ask for.  In fact, you often don’t get what you ask for.  Oh, but God works in mysterious ways.  Oh, but he answered your prayer, just not in the way you expected.  Oh, but he only gives you what you truly need.  Oh, but you must not have prayed hard enough or been truly devoted in your prayer.
There’s always some reason Christians give to explain why their prayers were not answered.  Yes, I know you prayed for a job promotion, but instead of a job promotion, God answered your prayer by giving your child bone cancer.  It may seem horrible, but he’s really helping you.  Your child’s bone cancer will give you the perseverance and determination needed to earn that job promotion.  WHAT…THE…FUCK!?!?!

How many people, every day, pray for the simple survival of themselves or their loved ones?  How many of those people die or see their loved one’s die of whatever they were praying to God to have stopped?  Did they not pray hard enough?  If you believe that you are truly a disgusting human being.

Let me be blunt.  Your prayers are not being answered by a god.  If your prayers are answered you are the one who answered those prayers.  You are the one who worked hard to earn that job promotion.  Your doctors are the ones who worked hard to save your life.  God did jack shit because he doesn’t exist.  If he does exist, he’s one hell of a dick for ignoring the prayers of those fighting for their very survival.

1 Thessalonians 4:7

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!  Today’s verse comes from the book of 1 Thessalonians.

“For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:7

This verse is in reference to sexual impurity.  It’s funny that a God who allows, and in some cases commands, rape has the nerve to call on us “to live a holy life.”  Then again, it’s not God saying this, it is men of the time who want to control the masses.

It’s also very hypocritical that people are called upon to live a holy life when they’ve been commanded to murder in the name of God.  The takeaway?  I guess rape and murder are ‘pure’ in the eyes of God.  That’s definitely a heavy dose of CRAZY!

Exodus 35:2

Today’s crazy Bible verse comes from the book of Exodus, a book filled with a great amount of crazy!

“For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a day of sabbath rest to the Lord. Whoever does any work on it is to be put to death.” – Exodus 35:2

Don’t you dare work on the seventh day!!!  Working on the day of rest is punishable by death!  Think about that for a second.  It’s not murder.  It’s not rape.  It’s not slaughter of children.  All of these are crimes that are often excused by God in the Bible.  But working on the seventh day?  DEATH!!!

Fortunately today’s society doesn’t put to death people who work on the Sabbath.  Why not?  Because humans are more moral than the god of the Bible.