It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse shows that God is NOT just.
“Then Jeroboam’s wife got up and left and went to Tirzah. As soon as she stepped over the threshold of the house, the boy died.” – 1 Kings 14:17
To be fair, you need to read 1 Kings 14 from the beginning to get the full story. God is angry at the Israelites and as punishment will kill every male in this town. Even if we assume this was an evil town (again, little evidence of this), God just killed a boy. A child. God killed a child because he was in a pissy mood. This is not a just god. This is an evil god. This is a god NO ONE should worship. The Bible makes this very clear. Actions speak louder than words and God’s action in this verse was to kill a child.
It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we have some anti-science.
“So the Lord rained hail on the land of Egypt; hail fell and lightning flashed back and forth. It was the worst storm in all the land of Egypt since it had become a nation.” – Exodus 9:23-24
For starters, the Lord doesn’t rain down hail. Hail is just solid precipitation and it rains all the time. The other crazy part of this verse is the difference between the NIV and KJV versions.
“So there was hail, and fire mingled with the hail, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Egypt since it became a nation.” – Exodus 9:24
The hail is on fire? Um…no. More anti-science from a group of men wanting to control the masses for their own personal gain.
Today marks the first Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday of 2018 and the topic is…you guessed it, zombies!!! I previously discussed these two verses a couple of years ago as part of a larger selection of verses. Since I’m on a zombie kick, however, I want to come back to these two verses in particular as they do have a zombie reference I’ve yet to touch on.
“Jesus replied, ‘Are you not in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God? When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.’” – Mark 12:24-25
The dead rise, meaning zombies roam the land. But these zombies can’t marry or have sex! WTF? Where’s the equality? Although more work still needs to be done, great strides have been made in creating a more equal and welcoming society for the LGBTQ community. What about the Jesusland zombies, huh? Where are their rights to marry? To have sex? Obviously zombie marriage and zombie sex is a bit ridiculous to consider, but then again, so are the many, many references to zombies in the Bible. Should a book millions refer to as the literal word of God contain zombie references? You tell me.
It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and guess what I have in store for you today? If you guessed zombies, you guessed right! I think I’m close to being done with zombie verses in the Bible, but there are sooo many of them! Far more than I ever thought before searching for them. Today’s crazy zombie verse comes from the book of Daniel.
“Multitudes who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake: some to everlasting life, others to shame and everlasting contempt.” – Daniel 12:2
Those who sleep in the dust? Sounds like corpses to me. Awaking to everlasting life? Sounds like a zombie to me! God and his zombies. LOL!
Some, although not all, versions of the Bible contain the books of Maccabees. I’ve been using the New International Version of the Bible in my discussion and these books are not included, but there is a verse describing zombies, so I can’t help but include it for this week’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday. Maybe I should rename this “Crazy Bible Zombie Verse Tuesday”???
“So that worms swarmed out of the body of this man, and whilst he lived in sorrow and pain, his flesh fell off, and the filthiness of his smell was noisome to the army.” – 2 Maccabees 9:9
Yikes! Worms coming out of the body, still alive, flesh falling off, and smelly like filth. Yep, that’s a zombie in the Bible!
We are now several weeks past Halloween, but I must continue with the zombie related verses in the Bible because there are so many of them. Apparently God is a huge fan of zombies. Thus for Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday this week I present you a verse linking to zombies in the book of Zechariah. If memory serves correctly, this is the first verse in Zechariah I’ve ever discussed on this blog. Sweet! Zombie sweet!
“This is the plague with which the Lord will strike all the nations that fought against Jerusalem: Their flesh will rot while they are still standing on their feet, their eyes will rot in their sockets, and their tongues will rot in their mouths.” – Zechariah 14:12
First, an asshole move by God to do this to those who fought against Jerusalem. Let’s not forget what started all this fighting. God hardened the hearts of the Egyptians and continued hardening hearts forever after. Would there be a fight if these hearts weren’t hardened? It’s quite possible the people would have come to a peace agreement, but God has no interest in peace. This verse describes zombies quite well. The people are still ‘alive’ and standing, but the flesh on their bodies is rotting. Sounds like a zombie to me! God sure does love him some zombies!
Yes, it’s December and we are more than a month removed from Halloween, but there are so many zombie related verses in the Bible that I can’t stop just yet! Thus for Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday I bring you yet another verse on zombies in the Bible.
“At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people.” – Matthew 27:51-53
Zombies roaming the land! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the Bible is an early attempt to introduce zombies in main stream entertainment culture. 😊