1 Corinthians 7:18

Today’s Crazy Bible Verse is quite crazy and you’ll see why very quickly.

“Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised.” – 1 Corinthians 7:18

How does one become uncircumcised? Are there bottles of foreskins lying around in Biblical times and healers sewing these random foreskins back on circumcised dicks? I mean, that would be a pretty interesting story but unfortunately that story isn’t in the Bible. So why talk about becoming uncircumcised?

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Ezra 9:3

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse shows how hateful the characters in the Bible can be toward others unlike them.

“When I heard this, I tore my tunic and cloak, pulled hair from my head and beard and sat down appalled.” – Ezra 9:3

Ezra is referring to the moment he heard intermarriage between tribes was taking place. Because how dare people marry the people they love. This is also quite the ridiculous reaction to hearing this. Pulling out your hair? Christ that’s a lot of hate built up! But look at how people react to same sex marriages today and you can see the level of hate still exists in this world.

Revelation 17:16

The last book of the Bible, Revelation, is always good for some straight up crazy.

“The beast and the ten horns you saw will hate the prostitute. They will bring her to ruin and leave her naked; they will eat her flesh and burn her with fire.” – Revelation 17:16

A beast with tens horns who hates prostitutes is going to leave her naked, eat her, and then burn her in a fire. Um…sure. If you believe that, you really need to take a look at those critical thinking skills. Then again, if you believe in a talking donkey, a ten horned beast is not much of a stretch.

2 Samuel 12:30

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today is one of those crazy verses that would have been so easy to fix had the authors just taken a moment to proofread. Instead, it makes what is already a ridiculous book even more ridiculous.

“David took the crown from their king’s head, and it was placed on his own head. It weighed a talent of gold, and it was set with precious stones.” – 2 Samuel 12:30

A talent is about 75 pounds. Think about that for second and image placing 75 pounds on your head. I’m not saying it isn’t possible, but it isn’t anywhere near comfortable or easy and just comes across as plain stupid. Why not say the crown weighed 10 pounds. That’s already a heavy weight to place on one’s head, but at least it is more believable.

Isaiah 36:12

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse has you eating your own shit and drinking your own piss. Yep.

“But the commander replied, ‘Was it only to your master and you that my master sent me to say these things, and not to the people sitting on the wall—who, like you, will have to eat their own excrement and drink their own urine?’” – Isaiah 36:12

And there you have it. Eating shit and drinking piss. No messages about consent and not raping women, but the Bible has your covered on eating shit and drinking piss. 🙂

Jonah 2:10

If you think it’s possible for humans to live inside a fish, you won’t find this verse crazy. But if you are a normal human being who knows this is bullshit, you’ll find today’s verse quite crazy!

“And the Lord commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.” – Jonah 2:10

Seriously Christians? Seriously?

Genesis 30:37-39

Today is Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is well, insanely crazy!

“Jacob, however, took fresh-cut branches from poplar, almond and plane trees and made white stripes on them by peeling the bark and exposing the white inner wood of the branches. Then he placed the peeled branches in all the watering troughs, so that they would be directly in front of the flocks when they came to drink. When the flocks were in heat and came to drink,  they mated in front of the branches.And they bore young that were streaked or speckled or spotted.” – Genesis 30:37-39

The Bible tells us that if you want striped goats, have the mating goats stare at striped trees and the offspring will be striped. What the fucking fuck? Is there anything more stupid in the Bible? Yes, there certainly is, but this is right up there with the stupidest of the stupid in the Bible.