Obadiah 8

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse tells us everything you need to know about the god of the Bible. He (or rather the authors who made him up) don’t want you to think.

“‘In that day,’ declares the Lord, ‘will I not destroy the wise men of Edom, those of understanding in the mountains of Esau?’” – Obadiah 8

Thinking is prohibited in the Bible. Gaining knowledge is against the law of God. Because to think critically will open holes in the belief of God. Therefore critically thinking through issues is bad in the Bible.

Exodus 12:12

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we take a look back in the Old Testament which is filled with all sorts of juicy verses that make zero sense.

“On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn of both people and animals, and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the Lord.” – Exodus 12:12

Think about this for a bit. God is going to kill all of the firstborn people and animals in Egypt because the Egyptians are causing harm to the Israelites. Why are the Egyptians causing harm? Because God hardened their hearts and is forcing them to cause harm.

On top of that nonsense, God is going to kill a bunch of innocent people and animals. Why the animals? Among those people will be young children and babies. God, the baby killer.

Zechariah 6:1-3

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today I pull a set of verses from Zechariah that show Zechariah has been smoking a bit too much weed.

“I looked up again, and there before me were four chariots coming out from between two mountains—mountains of bronze. The first chariot had red horses, the second black, the third white, and the fourth dappled—all of them powerful.” – Zechariah 6:1-3

Okay, so it isn’t necessarily crazy to see horses of four different colors, including these specific colors. What makes this crazy is Zechariah sees horses of different colors that these horses are spirits of heaven. Um…sure. Dear Zechariah…just enjoy the colors of the horses for what they are, four horses of different colors!

Mark 6:10

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is an instruction by Jesus to his prophets on how to be an unwelcome guest.

“Whenever you enter a house, stay there until you leave that town.” – Mark 6:10

So let’s get this straight. If you enter a house in a new town, Jesus is instructing you to stay there until you leave the town. Do the owners of the home know this? Are they consenting to Jesus being there? Not according to Jesus. You just stay in the house and leave when you are ready. Jesus, the guest who overstays his welcome and doesn’t get the messages that it is time to leave.

Song of Solomon 7:7

The Bible is obsessed with sex or rather when it is a man having sex. Women are just there for the pleasure of men, according to the Bible. The Bible has plenty of rules on sex, but it sure does have plenty of erotica, particularly in the book of Song of Solomon. This book is essentially porn in writing.

“Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.” – Song of Solomon 7:7

Don’t do sex wrong or God will destroy you, but here’s a verse about how breasts are like clusters of fruit. 🙂

Deuteronomy 23:10

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and you can always count on the Bible for a bit of crazy when it comes to sex!

“If one of your men is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, he is to go outside the camp and stay there.” – Deuteronomy 23:10

If God created men who naturally have wet dreams and “nocturnal emissions”, why is this same god kicking the men out of the camp? I get that the men are allowed back into camp if they “cleanse” themselves, but a simple towel or a handful of leaves will do the job!

Matthew 6:17-18

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday. Since we’ve talked about fasting recently, let’s pull up a verse from the New Testament on fasting.

“But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” – Matthew 6:17-18

Christians are doing their fasting wrong! They need to pour oil on their heads while fasting! Although I’m not sure how an oil covered head makes it less obvious than an oil covered head. If I see someone with oil poured over their head, I’m going to notice whether they are fasting or not! Do you know what is not noticeable? Someone fasting! Unless they are telling you, you can’t tell if someone is fasting or not unless you specifically see them not eating at a meal.