Matthew 19:9

Tuesdays are great because each Tuesday is a brand new Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday.  Today’s verse comes from the New Testament and directly from the mouth of Jesus.  It’s a mix of sex and misogyny and words today that are ignored by most Christians!

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” – Matthew 19:9

A man cannot divorce a woman for any reason except sexual immorality.  In other words, a marriage can be dissolved if a woman sleeps around.  But what if a man does the same?  Jesus says nothing on this.  Apparently, it’s okay for men to sleep around.  The verse also discusses nothing about consent.  What if husband and wife agree to this?  Is it wrong?  In my opinion no.  Per the Bible, however, only God can give consent and he often does when he wants to kill you.  🙂

Moreover, most Christians don’t follow the words of Jesus spoken in this verse.  Many Christians (and non-Christians to be fair) are divorced.  Many of those divorces have nothing to do with infidelity.  Yet the Bible demands those people to remain in unhappy marriages.  Great for family values, right?  You must remain unhappy!  There are many pastors/preachers/priests who are divorced and re-married.  And those who are not divorced often don’t care that others are divorced and re-married.  That is a good thing.  It shows society is much more moral than God/Jesus.  On the other hand, it’s hypocritical for Christians to demand we follow some verses, but not others.

Mark 14:51-52

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  Today’s verses focus on a naked man running away.  Yes, you read that right.  A naked man running away!

“A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind.” – Mark 14:51-52

What makes this crazy is how weird it is to read this in the Bible, a book that supposedly teaches people morals.  Many Christians say you can only get your morals from God and the Bible.  So what moral does this teach us?  Wear clothing that comes off easily in case someone grabs you so you can easily escape?  It seems to me the Bible, if intended to teach morals, should focus more on real morals and less on naked people.  But hey, I’m just a Satan worshiping heathen!  🙂

Ezekiel 3:1-3

It’s time for another Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday discussion!  The book of Ezekiel contains my favorite Bible verse, Ezekiel 23:20 (donkey balls), but it also contains many other good nuggets such as today’s verses.

“And he said to me, ‘Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll; then go and speak to the people of Israel.’ So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat. Then he said to me, ‘Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it.’ So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth.” – Ezekiel 3:1-3

Where to start with these verse?  Which is the craziest?  Is it the part about God telling him to eat the scroll?  Is it the man actually eating the scroll?  Or is it the scroll tasting like honey?  I honestly can’t determine!

Some will say this is a metaphor.  Okay, I can buy that, but why?  Why is there a need for a metaphor here and isn’t there a better metaphor to use that doesn’t sound bat shit crazy?  That’s the problem with the Bible.  There is so much absurdity in it and so many metaphors that it is simply unbelievable to anyone who reads it with an open mind.

I leave you with this.  Go out and eat a honey tasting scroll.  Mmmm…yummy!

Genesis 5:27

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  I know, it’s a bit unfair pulling a verse from the book of Genesis since most of it is absurd through and through, but I can’t help myself.

“Altogether, Methuselah lived a total of 969 years, and then he died.” – Genesis 5:27

Methuselah lived 969 years old, the oldest person in the Bible.  I will give the Bible a bit of credit on one thing.  Methuselah is the grandfather of Noah and therefore lived before God made his pact with Noah stating no one will ever live past 120 years.  There are several instances of Biblical characters living longer than 120 years after the time of Noah, proving God a liar, but Methuselah was not one of them.

That doesn’t, however, excuse the crazy.  969 years!!!  Give me a break!  At a time with lower quality health care a person lives 8 times longer than the oldest humans live today in a time of greater health care?  Come on!  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the Bible would be much more believable if the absolute crazy were taken out.  Why 969 years?  Make it 95 and it’s more believable!  I suppose humans have disappointed God so much he doesn’t let them live longer.  Yeah, right.  🙂

1 Timothy 6:20-21

Today’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday verse comes from the book of 1 Timothy in the New Testament.

“Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, which some have professed and in so doing have departed from the faith.” – 1 Timothy 6:20-21

The King James Version specifically mentions science.

“O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called: Which some professing have erred concerning the faith.” – 1 Timothy 6:20-21 (KJV)

Now why would the authors of the Bible tell you to ignore what science shows and state that science is false?  Oh yeah, because science shows the absurdity of most stories in the Bible.  If people listen to science, they’ll no longer believe the Bible and will no longer be under the control of the few select men in power trying to control the masses.

The Bible tells us a massive flood killed everyone except for 7 people (might be off by one or two here, but the point is still valid) that re-populated the Earth.  The Bible tells us two people populated the world in a different story (told two different ways mind you!).  Both stories require incestuous relationships to re-populate the Earth.  Science finds no evidence of a flood and common sense says two people can’t populate a planet.  The Bible doesn’t want you to believe this so it tells you science is evil and will send you to hell.  What do you think?  As for myself, I’m not listening to the delirious delusions of a few mad men in ancient times looking to gain power and rule over the masses.

Matthew 11:20-24

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  Jesus is a wonderful guy filled with nothing but love, right?  WRONG!  Today’s verses show us Jesus is just as crazy as himself/father/spirit in the Old Testament.

“Then Jesus began to denounce the towns in which most of his miracles had been performed, because they did not repent. ‘Woe to you, Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! For if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes.  But I tell you, it will be more bearable for Tyre and Sidon on the day of judgment than for you.  And you, Capernaum, will you be lifted to the heavens? No, you will go down to Hades. For if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Sodom, it would have remained to this day.  But I tell you that it will be more bearable for Sodom on the day of judgment than for you.’” – Matthew 11:20-24

We all know what happened to Sodom and Jesus promises that what will happen to these towns will be worse.  There are several problems with this argument.  First, there’s no way not a single person in any of these towns decided to follow and believe in Jesus.  The entire town said no?  Sorry, not buying it.  Second, maybe your speech wasn’t very good!  Maybe, just maybe, the problem isn’t the people, but the all-knowing messenger!!!

So because Jesus sucks at public speaking everyone in the town will go to hell, including the children and babies!  Everyone will go to hell!  So much for love and forgiveness from Jesus.

Christian Memes

You’ve all seen them.  Christian memes spreading on social media.  Some of them are relatively harmless and others are absolutely disgusting.  Consider this one of the disgusting variety:
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Huh?  The only way God can show us he’s in control is to put us in situations we can’t control?  This is supposed to be an all-powerful god and this is the ONLY way???

God:  Hmmm….I must show this very caring person I’m in control.  I could just tell them that, but I’m not powerfully enough to directly talk to them.  What could I do?  So many choices.  Ah, I know!  Bone cancer!  Yes, bone cancer!  They’ll definitely be out of control them, therefore putting me in control.  Painful bone cancer it is!!!

WHAT…THE…FUCK!!!!????!!!!????