Ezekiel 1:4-5

Aliens in the Bible?  There are plenty of instances of zombies in the Bible so aliens would not be surprising.  Thus for Tuesday’s Crazy Bible verse I’ve pulled one indicating the existence of aliens coming to earth.

“I looked, and I saw a windstorm coming out of the north—an immense cloud with flashing lightning and surrounded by brilliant light. The center of the fire looked like glowing metal, and in the fire was what looked like four living creatures.” – Ezekiel 1:4-5

Four living creatures in the sky?  I don’t know, but maybe, just maybe Ezekiel saw BIRDS!?!?!  Just like the crazies who say they are abducted by aliens today, Ezekiel is crazy in this verse when he claims alien creatures have visited.

Ezekiel 14:7-8

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s selection is a classic example of God attacking the wrong people.

“When any of the Israelites or any foreigner residing in Israel separate themselves from me and set up idols in their hearts and put a wicked stumbling block before their faces and then go to a prophet to inquire of me, I the Lord will answer them myself.  I will set my face against them and make them an example and a byword. I will remove them from my people. Then you will know that I am the Lord.” – Ezekiel 14:7-8

It’s no surprise this god would kill those not worshipping him.  After all, the god of the Bible shows us time and time again he is a vengeful, jealous, and irrational god.  What’s crazy is how stupid this god is on this issue.  So the people are worshipping other idols and you don’t like that.  Why kill the people?  If you’re an all-powerful god, then destroy the idols and destroy them for good.  Take away any possible thought of an idol.  That’s all this would take.  Who’s the idiot here?  God.

Ezekiel 37:7-10

I love the book of Ezekiel!  It contains my favorite Bible verse, Ezekiel 23:20.  Today, however, for Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday, we continue looking at zombies in the Bible.

“So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, ‘Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’’  So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.” – Ezekiel 37:7-10

It’s a mother fucking army of zombies raised from the dead!  ROFL!  The start of a great zombie movie, but absolutely crazy when this is the book Christians claim is “God breathed”.  Are we really expected to believe zombies roamed the land?  Seriously?  Give me a break.  What’s crazier, a book with zombie stories that is supposed to be a set of rules on morals, or people who believe this book is the literal truth?  Yikes!

Ezekiel 3:1-3

It’s time for another Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday discussion!  The book of Ezekiel contains my favorite Bible verse, Ezekiel 23:20 (donkey balls), but it also contains many other good nuggets such as today’s verses.

“And he said to me, ‘Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll; then go and speak to the people of Israel.’ So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat. Then he said to me, ‘Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it.’ So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth.” – Ezekiel 3:1-3

Where to start with these verse?  Which is the craziest?  Is it the part about God telling him to eat the scroll?  Is it the man actually eating the scroll?  Or is it the scroll tasting like honey?  I honestly can’t determine!

Some will say this is a metaphor.  Okay, I can buy that, but why?  Why is there a need for a metaphor here and isn’t there a better metaphor to use that doesn’t sound bat shit crazy?  That’s the problem with the Bible.  There is so much absurdity in it and so many metaphors that it is simply unbelievable to anyone who reads it with an open mind.

I leave you with this.  Go out and eat a honey tasting scroll.  Mmmm…yummy!

Ezekiel 23:9-10

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and I’m pulling another verse or two from Ezekiel 23.  There’s so much material to take from this single chapter!

“Therefore I delivered her into the hands of her lovers, the Assyrians, for whom she lusted.  They stripped her naked, took away her sons and daughters and killed her with the sword. She became a byword among women, and punishment was inflicted on her.” – Ezekiel 23:9-10

This chapter basically says that a woman who likes to have sex was killed for the sole reason of sex with multiple partners.  Huh?  What about the men who willing slept with her?  Were they killed?  Nope!  Only the woman is punished for having sex.  On top of that, her sons and daughters were killed!  As far as we know, the sons and daughters were virgins or only having sex with their husbands, but they were still killed for doing nothing!!!

We learned a few days ago that Deborah, a female, was leader of the Israelites at one time, but that didn’t stop the extreme misogyny in the Bible.  Having sex as a women = bad.  Having sex as a man = God’s reward to men.  Sickening.  Disgusting.  Yet worshipped by over a billion people on this planet.

Ezekiel 23:25

My favorite Bible verse by far is Ezekiel 23:20.  Look it up and you’ll understand why.  🙂  Just a few verses after this is another interesting Bible verse.

“I will direct my jealous anger against you, and they will deal with you in fury. They will cut off your noses and your ears, and those of you who are left will fall by the sword. They will take away your sons and daughters, and those of you who are left will be consumed by fire.” – Ezekial 23:25

To put some context on this, Ezekiel 23 is about two sisters who are prostitutes.  God is not happy about this and delivers the verse above.  What is crazy about this?  The fact the Bible cares nothing about women.  It gives women almost no choice in the Bible.  Their bodies are to be used by men with no input from the women.  God is okay with slavery and rape, but when a women willingly has sex for money or other services, that’s suddenly too much for God.

Does the punishment fit the supposed crime?  Noses cut off!  Ears cut off!  Then falling by the sword!  In other words, torture followed by death is the punishment for being a prostitute.  Not only that, but the sons and daughters who are not prostitutes are also punished in the same way!!!  And anyone left is to be consumed by fire!  Wow!

Here’s something else.  Isn’t God supposed to be perfect?  Anger and jealousy are not traits of a perfect being.  So which is it?  Is God imperfect, or is the Bible one big, fat lie?  Now that’s some deep thinking!

Ezekiel 16:17

After several weeks of Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday looking in the New Testament, it is now time to switch back to the Old Testament.  This week I look into the book of the Bible that contains my very favorite Bible verse, Ezekiel 23:20.  That’s not the verse for the week, but I like to point it out whenever I can.  Go look it up and you’ll discover why.  J  Today’s verse comes a few chapters in Ezekiel before my favorite verse.

“You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.” – Ezekiel 16:17

So let me get this straight.  Someone stole your jewelry and melted it down and molded it into a male idol in which the thief then had sex with the idol?  Either that or the thief pimped out the male idol to have sex with others.  Wow!  Simply wow!!!  It doesn’t beat donkey balls, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less crazy!