Genesis 30:37-39

Today is Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is well, insanely crazy!

“Jacob, however, took fresh-cut branches from poplar, almond and plane trees and made white stripes on them by peeling the bark and exposing the white inner wood of the branches. Then he placed the peeled branches in all the watering troughs, so that they would be directly in front of the flocks when they came to drink. When the flocks were in heat and came to drink,  they mated in front of the branches.And they bore young that were streaked or speckled or spotted.” – Genesis 30:37-39

The Bible tells us that if you want striped goats, have the mating goats stare at striped trees and the offspring will be striped. What the fucking fuck? Is there anything more stupid in the Bible? Yes, there certainly is, but this is right up there with the stupidest of the stupid in the Bible.

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Genesis 4:18

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and this week’s verse is a continuation of last week.

“To Enoch was born Irad” – Genesis 4:18

Who is Enoch? Enoch is the child of Cain and his wife, but we learned last week that Cain’s wife must be Eve, his mother, as she was the only woman on Earth. The Bible has yet to introduce another woman, so if Irad was born to Enoch, Enoch must have had sex with a woman. Yet there is still only one woman in the Bible and that woman is Eve. Meaning Enoch had sex with his…grandmother.

Oh the Bible, thy book of no critical thinking. 🙂

Genesis 4:17

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and I really want you to think about this verse.

“Cain made love to his wife, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Enoch.” – Genesis 4:17Uncte

According to the Bible, Adam and Eve were the first and only people on Earth. They gave birth to Cain and Abel. Then Cain made love to his wife. Um…there’s only one woman on Earth right now so…Cain made love to…his…mom. Yep, that’s the Bible for you! Populating the Earth through one incestual moment at a time.

Genesis 2:22

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and it doesn’t get any crazier than this!

“Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” – Genesis 2:22

No. Just fucking no. Women were not made from a man’s rib. For fuck’s sake, who believes this shit? Oh, but people do! There are far too many adults who believe men have one fewer rib than women because the Bible says so. Do you know how to disprove this insanity? Count your fucking ribs! Men and women and the SAME number of ribs.

Genesis 1:11

As I said last week, whenever you need something absurd, opening up to a random verse in Genesis is likely a good bet. Today’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday verse comes from the first chapter in the first book in the Bible.

“Then God said, ‘Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.’” – Genesis 1:11

The craziness in this verse? God created plants before he created the Sun. This all-powerful, all-knowing being just created plants before they had an energy source. Sigh. Stupid, stupid man-made god.

Genesis 1:3

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and whenever I’m trying to find something stupid and absurd, I go to the book of Genesis.

“And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light.” – Genesis 1:3

Why is this absurd? In the Bible, this is the first thing God does. He has NOT yet created the Sun, the source of light in our Solar System. Sigh. God is supposedly all-perfect yet he makes a massive mistake in creating the Universe. Or…and bear with me…God is make believe!!!

Genesis 4:3-5

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and nothing is crazier than a God who gets mad at someone doesn’t sacrifice the correct item.

“In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor.” – Genesis 4:3-5

Most everyone knows of the story of Cain and Abel.  Both bring a sacrifice to God, but God is not pleased with the fruits and veggies.  God’s a meat kind of guy.  WTF???  The white nationalist Christians will take the story of Cain and Abel and say that all blacks are the descendants of Cain, and given Cain’s crime, blacks are inferior to whites.  Like I said.  Fucking crazy.