Genesis 4:3-5

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and nothing is crazier than a God who gets mad at someone doesn’t sacrifice the correct item.

“In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor.” – Genesis 4:3-5

Most everyone knows of the story of Cain and Abel.  Both bring a sacrifice to God, but God is not pleased with the fruits and veggies.  God’s a meat kind of guy.  WTF???  The white nationalist Christians will take the story of Cain and Abel and say that all blacks are the descendants of Cain, and given Cain’s crime, blacks are inferior to whites.  Like I said.  Fucking crazy.


Genesis 25:6

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  The Bible is a book of morals to lead one’s life by, right?  Well, let’s take a closer look at those morals found in Genesis 25:6

“But while he (Abraham) was still living, he gave gifts to the sons of his concubines and sent them away from his son Isaac to the land of the east.” – Genesis 25:6

There are a couple of morals to unpack from this verse.  First, Abraham has concubines outside of his wives.  This is all approved by God as Abraham is adored by God.  Without Abraham, the Bible doesn’t exist!  None of what follows after Genesis is possible without Abraham!  God approves of Abraham’s taking of concubines to spread his seed.  That’s moral number one passed along in this verse.

Second, Abraham gives gifts to the sons of his concubines and then sends them away so they are not interfering with Isaac.  Think about this.  Abraham is forcing his other sons to leave the land because Isaac is his favorite.  This is moral number two.  Pick a favorite son and fuck over the rest.

A book of morals?  Nope.  Read the Bible and you quickly learn these ‘morals’ are horrible ways to lead one’s life.

Genesis 5:27

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  I know, it’s a bit unfair pulling a verse from the book of Genesis since most of it is absurd through and through, but I can’t help myself.

“Altogether, Methuselah lived a total of 969 years, and then he died.” – Genesis 5:27

Methuselah lived 969 years old, the oldest person in the Bible.  I will give the Bible a bit of credit on one thing.  Methuselah is the grandfather of Noah and therefore lived before God made his pact with Noah stating no one will ever live past 120 years.  There are several instances of Biblical characters living longer than 120 years after the time of Noah, proving God a liar, but Methuselah was not one of them.

That doesn’t, however, excuse the crazy.  969 years!!!  Give me a break!  At a time with lower quality health care a person lives 8 times longer than the oldest humans live today in a time of greater health care?  Come on!  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the Bible would be much more believable if the absolute crazy were taken out.  Why 969 years?  Make it 95 and it’s more believable!  I suppose humans have disappointed God so much he doesn’t let them live longer.  Yeah, right.  🙂

Genesis 4:19

The Bible is full of family morals, right?  Well, yes, there are morals in the Bible, but they are not exactly family friendly, as defined by Christians, morals.  Consider Genesis 4:19, the focus of this week’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday.

“Lamech married two women, one named Adah and the other Zillah.” – Genesis 4:19

This is the first of many verses in the Bible referring to a man having multiple wives with God’s approval.  Christians really need to read their Bible before spouting off how important family values are in society.  The Bible approves of multiple wives and that’s fine if all parties are consenting.  Yet it’s hypocritical for Christians to denounce what they refer to as ‘traditional’ marriage, when the Bible makes it very clear that traditional marriage is not simply one man and one woman.

So the verse itself isn’t crazy, it’s the reaction of Christians when their ‘holy’ book contains these verses they conveniently forget that is crazy.

Genesis 17:14

The Bible is full of morals defining family values, right?  That’s what we hear from fundamentalist Christians all the time and it’s what we hear from conservative politicians constructing laws.  But what does the Bible say about family values?  Here’s one verse showing the Bible doesn’t care all that much about the family.

“Any uncircumcised male, who has not been circumcised in the flesh, will be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant.” – Genesis 17:14

This is a direct quote from God to Abraham in the Bible.  A male, whether it is your father, brother, uncle, nephew, son, or best friend MUST be cut off from his people.  Why?  Because he didn’t cut the end of his dick off.  It’s not because of murder, rape, theft, or deceit, but simply for have an intact dick.  Wow!  And the punishment is banishment from the people?  What a lovely society God requires of the Israelites!  These are the family values the Bible teaches.  If you are different in any way, you are to be banished, but don’t forget, God loves everyone.  What bullshit!

Genesis 3:1

It’s crazy bible verse Tuesday!  Woohoo!!!  Today’s crazy bible verse comes from the book of Genesis.

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, ‘Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?’” – Genesis 3:1

It’s a freaking talking snake!!!  It doesn’t get crazier than this!!!  Seriously, this is a book in which Christians claim all morals come from and there’s a snake that talks.  A SNAKE THAT TALKS!!!???  Three chapters into the very first book of the bible and it’s already turning people into Atheists!


Genesis 38:9-10

It’s Tuesday which means it’s time for a crazy Bible verse!!!  Eventually I’ll run out of crazy Bible verses, right?  Even so, it will be MANY weeks before that happens!  This week’s crazy Bible verse comes from the book of Genesis.

“But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother.  What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so the Lord put him to death also.” – Genesis 38:9-10

If a man spills his seed on the ground, God finds this wicked and will kill him.  That’s the message from these two verses.  These verses are used to justify the condemnation of masturbation.  When one masturbates, there’s no chance of reproduction, so it’s evil in the eyes of the Lord.

Here’s what I think.  The Bible is NOT the word of God.  In fact, we don’t know who wrote Genesis (along with several other chapters).  Genesis, or at least these verses in Genesis, were written by someone who thought masturbation was icky and wanted to put an end to it.  Therefore, this person wrote (claiming it was the word of God) that sex should only take place for procreation.  Any other method of sex is evil against the Lord and you must NOT do it.  CRAZY!