Genesis 1:1

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today I’ve selected the first verse in the Bible.

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” – Genesis 1:1

Why this verse? Because it’s the verse that starts all of this crazy nonsense. Talking snakes, incorrect science, talking donkeys, the promotion of rape, murder, and slavery by a god who supposedly loves you. This verse is essentially the creation of hate in this world. Everything that follows is too often used to justify the hatred against others and the superiority of certain groups of people. So yeah, that’s why I chose this verse.

Genesis 4:25-26

In Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday last week we took a look at a verse in Genesis in which Cain had sex with his wife, although at this point no other women than Eve exist in the world. Today’s verse confirms this.

“Adam made love to his wife again, and she gave birth to a son and named him Seth, saying, ‘God has granted me another child in place of Abel, since Cain killed him.’ Seth also had a son, and he named him Enosh.” – Genesis 4:25-26

Seth replaces Abel. God has granted me “another child in place of Abel” showing again that there are no other females in the world but Eve, according to the Bible. Thus proving Cain has married and is having sex with his mother. Biblical morality.

Genesis 30:37-39

Today is Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is well, insanely crazy!

“Jacob, however, took fresh-cut branches from poplar, almond and plane trees and made white stripes on them by peeling the bark and exposing the white inner wood of the branches. Then he placed the peeled branches in all the watering troughs, so that they would be directly in front of the flocks when they came to drink. When the flocks were in heat and came to drink,  they mated in front of the branches.And they bore young that were streaked or speckled or spotted.” – Genesis 30:37-39

The Bible tells us that if you want striped goats, have the mating goats stare at striped trees and the offspring will be striped. What the fucking fuck? Is there anything more stupid in the Bible? Yes, there certainly is, but this is right up there with the stupidest of the stupid in the Bible.

Genesis 4:18

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and this week’s verse is a continuation of last week.

“To Enoch was born Irad” – Genesis 4:18

Who is Enoch? Enoch is the child of Cain and his wife, but we learned last week that Cain’s wife must be Eve, his mother, as she was the only woman on Earth. The Bible has yet to introduce another woman, so if Irad was born to Enoch, Enoch must have had sex with a woman. Yet there is still only one woman in the Bible and that woman is Eve. Meaning Enoch had sex with his…grandmother.

Oh the Bible, thy book of no critical thinking. 🙂

Genesis 4:17

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and I really want you to think about this verse.

“Cain made love to his wife, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Enoch.” – Genesis 4:17Uncte

According to the Bible, Adam and Eve were the first and only people on Earth. They gave birth to Cain and Abel. Then Cain made love to his wife. Um…there’s only one woman on Earth right now so…Cain made love to…his…mom. Yep, that’s the Bible for you! Populating the Earth through one incestual moment at a time.

Genesis 2:22

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and it doesn’t get any crazier than this!

“Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” – Genesis 2:22

No. Just fucking no. Women were not made from a man’s rib. For fuck’s sake, who believes this shit? Oh, but people do! There are far too many adults who believe men have one fewer rib than women because the Bible says so. Do you know how to disprove this insanity? Count your fucking ribs! Men and women and the SAME number of ribs.

Genesis 1:11

As I said last week, whenever you need something absurd, opening up to a random verse in Genesis is likely a good bet. Today’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday verse comes from the first chapter in the first book in the Bible.

“Then God said, ‘Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.’” – Genesis 1:11

The craziness in this verse? God created plants before he created the Sun. This all-powerful, all-knowing being just created plants before they had an energy source. Sigh. Stupid, stupid man-made god.