Mark 4:31

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today we see that Jesus, also known as God, doesn’t know his science.

“It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds on earth.” – Mark 4:31

Nope, not correct.  Mustard seeds are not the smallest seeds.  The smallest seeds are found in orchids in the rainforest.  The Christian apologist will argue that Jesus wasn’t talking about all seeds, but only the seeds a local farmer had on hand.  Bullshit. The Bible says “…of all seeds on earth.” Jesus doesn’t know his science.

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Mark 12:24-25

Today marks the first Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday of 2018 and the topic is…you guessed it, zombies!!!  I previously discussed these two verses a couple of years ago as part of a larger selection of verses.  Since I’m on a zombie kick, however, I want to come back to these two verses in particular as they do have a zombie reference I’ve yet to touch on.

“Jesus replied, ‘Are you not in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God? When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.’” – Mark 12:24-25

The dead rise, meaning zombies roam the land.  But these zombies can’t marry or have sex!  WTF?  Where’s the equality?  Although more work still needs to be done, great strides have been made in creating a more equal and welcoming society for the LGBTQ community.  What about the Jesusland zombies, huh?  Where are their rights to marry?  To have sex?  Obviously zombie marriage and zombie sex is a bit ridiculous to consider, but then again, so are the many, many references to zombies in the Bible.  Should a book millions refer to as the literal word of God contain zombie references?  You tell me.

Mark 10:29-31

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!  Jesus is all about love, right?  Yes, but only if it is love for him.  If it is love for anyone else, that is a problem.  Consider today’s verses.

“’Truly I tell you,’ Jesus replied, ‘no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.’” – Mark 10:29-31

This is encouragement, directly from the mouth of Jesus, if you assume Jesus existed, to leave your family.  To truly love Jesus, you must leave behind your family.  Family places a distant second to Jesus.  Is that love?  Is it love to abandon your family?  No, it is not.  Jesus is not the loving character described by Christians.  Jesus, in many ways, is no more loving than the angry, jealous God of the Old Testament.  Telling people you must leave your family to receive rewards in the afterlife is not love.  It’s a scam.  Jesus and the Bible is very similar to today’s online phishing scams.

Mark 7:9-13

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is a set of verses that tell an interesting story of Jesus not being the loving guy Christians make him out to be.

“And he continued, ‘You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions!  For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’ But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is Corban (that is, devoted to God)—then you no longer let them do anything for their father or mother. Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that.” – Mark 7:9-13

Basically, the people have determined God’s laws of putting children to death is unjust, but Jesus says otherwise.  Jesus says the old laws must be followed, including those that put your children to death.  Remember though, Jesus loves you, but only if you murder your family.  Ahhh…isn’t that so cute?  😊

Psalms – Chapter 19: For the director of music. A psalm of David.

In the last two chapters of Psalms we looked at, David called non-believers fools.  Will this be the third chapter in a row?

“Day after day they (heavens) pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge.” – Psalms 19:2

I’ve never heard the heavens speak, let alone provide knowledge.  Have you?

“They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them.” – Psalms 19:3

ROFL!  One verse after stating the heavens speak the Bible says they don’t speak!  ROFL!

“It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, like a champion rejoicing to run his course.” – Psalms 19:5

WTF?  No it’s not!!!

“The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul.” – Psalms 19:7

The Lord’s laws to kill babies and children are perfect?  What kind of god is this and who in their right mind would say these laws are perfect?  They’re not perfect, they’re horrible!!!  WTF?

“The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.” – Psalms 19:9

Yes, because the best way to show one’s love is to make others fear you.  WTF?

“They (Lord’s decrees) are more precious than gold, than much pure gold, they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb.” – Psalms 19:10

Those decrees on killing people are sweeter than honey?  WTF?

There are a few more verses after this in which David asks God to protect him.  Basically this chapter in Psalms is one big WTF moment.  In fact, I used WTF four times in my discussion above and could probably add a few more if I looked and wrote about EACH verse.  The Lord’s laws, including those that order the murder of children and babies, are perfect?  How could anyone worship a god that declares murder perfect?  WTF?!?!?!

Coming Soon:  Psalms – Chapter 21:  For the director of music. A psalm of David.

Mark 14:51-52

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  Today’s verses focus on a naked man running away.  Yes, you read that right.  A naked man running away!

“A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind.” – Mark 14:51-52

What makes this crazy is how weird it is to read this in the Bible, a book that supposedly teaches people morals.  Many Christians say you can only get your morals from God and the Bible.  So what moral does this teach us?  Wear clothing that comes off easily in case someone grabs you so you can easily escape?  It seems to me the Bible, if intended to teach morals, should focus more on real morals and less on naked people.  But hey, I’m just a Satan worshiping heathen!  🙂

Mark 12:18-25

It’s crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  Today’s verses came to my attention through the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible Website.  I originally discussed Mark 12:19 going back several months, but let’s take a look at the preceding and following verses.

“Then the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. ‘Teacher,’ they said, ‘Moses wrote for us that if a man’s brother dies and leaves a wife but no children, the man must marry the widow and raise up offspring for his brother. Now there were seven brothers. The first one married and died without leaving any children.  The second one married the widow, but he also died, leaving no child. It was the same with the third. In fact, none of the seven left any children. Last of all, the woman died too.  At the resurrection whose wife will she be, since the seven were married to her?’ Jesus replied, ‘Are you not in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God?  When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.’” – Mark 12:18-25

Let me ignore the first couple of verses as I’ve already discussed them previously and focus on the remaining verses.  As the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible Website notes, these verses imply that there is no marriage or sex in heaven.

“When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.”

No sex in heaven?  What the hell???  Why?  What’s the point of heaven if there’s no sex?  I realize sex isn’t the end all be all of life, but it plays a very important role in pretty much everyone’s life at some point.  Why would God remove sexual relations from heaven?  Maybe it’s just me, but if there’s no sex in heaven, please send me to hell!  A heaven without sex sounds like a Christian hell!!!