Matthew 27:51-53

Last week for Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday I posted a verse on zombies in the Bible, in celebration of Halloween.  It’s a week after Halloween, but I think today deserves another verse on zombies.

“And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. The tombs also were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many.” – Matthew 27:51-53”

This happens just after the death of Jesus on the cross.  Jesus dies and zombies rise!!!  LOL!  You can’t make this shit up.  It’s in the Bible and Christians across the world believe the dead literally rose and started walking the Earth.  Not all Christians, mind you.  Many are skeptical enough to know the dead did not rise and become zombies.  They still believe Jesus rose from the dead, but at least they don’t believe the other dead rose.  Too many Christians, however, literally believe zombies walked the land.  Why?  Because the Bible, a book written by random men, says so.  No skeptical thought at all!  Any skeptical thinking will lead you to conclude zombies did not walk the land.

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Matthew 25:41

Jesus is very different from the god of the Old Testament, correct?  The god of the Old Testament was harsh and punishing but Jesus is loving and compassionate, correct?  Nope, and today’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday verse makes this very clear.

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.’” – Matthew 25:41

According to the Bible, this is a direct quote from Jesus.  This verse states that anyone disagreeing with Jesus, no matter how minor, will be cast into an eternal fire prepared by the devil.  Love?  Compassion?  Not from Jesus.  You disagree and you’ll burn for all of eternity.

On the other hand, given God has killed far, far more people than Satan in the Bible, it may be far more desirable to spend an eternity in hell than continue living in the presence of this evil and unjust god.

Matthew 7:15

Today is Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and the verse of the week comes from the New Testament and is supposedly a direct quote from Jesus.

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.” – Matthew 7:15

Yes, watch out for those false prophets who lie to you.  But how do you tell who is a false prophet and who is not?  The Bible offers no advice on this.  The Bible offers no evidence Jesus, and those who came before him, are the real prophets.  So yes, watch out for the false prophets, including those whose words are inked in red in the Bible.  😊 There’s no evidence this red inked speaking individual is a true prophet, let alone whether he even ever existed!  All we have is the statement that the Bible is to be believed and anything against the Bible is the work of Satan.  Hardly convincing evidence.

Matthew 8:3

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today it’s time to talk about the impossible happening.

“Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. ‘I am willing,’ he said. ‘Be clean!’ Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.” – Matthew 8:3

This is similar to the talking snake, talking donkey, burning bush, etc.  Things that are absolutely impossible.  No, I don’t care how much ‘faith’ you have, no one cured leprosy by a simple touch.  It’s not medical science.  It’s a story and a poor one at that.  If your religion requires you to believe the Bible without questioning, you need to find a new religion.  Better yet, leave religion altogether!  At the very least however, don’t listen to your church on this.  Think for yourself.  Do you really think a snake spoke?  Do you really think a sea parted to both sides?  Do you really think a leper was cured by the touch of Jesus?  Or is there a much more plausible explanation?

There’s a reason why churches tell their flocks to simply have faith.  Having faith is easy.  It requires no thinking.  Questioning and following the evidence is hard, especially when it contradicts your pre-conceived notions.  I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather live a life of questioning and learning than a life in which I simply have faith Jesus cured a leper by touch.

Matthew 7:7-8

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  Jesus states very clearly that your prayers will be answered.  All you need to do is simply ask.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” – Matthew 7:7-8

That would be awesome…if it worked.  We, even Christians, know that you don’t always get what you ask for.  In fact, you often don’t get what you ask for.  Oh, but God works in mysterious ways.  Oh, but he answered your prayer, just not in the way you expected.  Oh, but he only gives you what you truly need.  Oh, but you must not have prayed hard enough or been truly devoted in your prayer.
There’s always some reason Christians give to explain why their prayers were not answered.  Yes, I know you prayed for a job promotion, but instead of a job promotion, God answered your prayer by giving your child bone cancer.  It may seem horrible, but he’s really helping you.  Your child’s bone cancer will give you the perseverance and determination needed to earn that job promotion.  WHAT…THE…FUCK!?!?!

How many people, every day, pray for the simple survival of themselves or their loved ones?  How many of those people die or see their loved one’s die of whatever they were praying to God to have stopped?  Did they not pray hard enough?  If you believe that you are truly a disgusting human being.

Let me be blunt.  Your prayers are not being answered by a god.  If your prayers are answered you are the one who answered those prayers.  You are the one who worked hard to earn that job promotion.  Your doctors are the ones who worked hard to save your life.  God did jack shit because he doesn’t exist.  If he does exist, he’s one hell of a dick for ignoring the prayers of those fighting for their very survival.

Matthew 8:12

Through scripture I’ve shown several times how Jesus and the New Testament are just as awful as the craziness in the Old Testament, which, by the way, Jesus follows (see Matthew 5:17).  Here’s another New Testament verse that shows Jesus is not the nice guy Christians make him to be.

“But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” – Matthew 8:12

Not exactly a nice thing to do.  It’s even worse if you read the King James Version.

“But the children of the kingdom shall be cast out into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” – Matthew 8:12 (KJV)

Children!  The children will be cast out into outer darkness!  Children who are innocent.  Babies who are innocent.  Just as the evil god of the Old Testament punishes innocent children, the evil Jesus of the New Testament does the same.  Now that’s some crazy stuff to worship!

Matthew 5:19

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  We know there is a ton of crazy in the Old Testament.  That’s undeniable and Christians who have read the Bible will, often, acknowledge this crazy exists.  Unfortunately, they follow this up with the argument that “well, that’s the Old Testament.  It doesn’t apply today as Jesus came down to Earth and changed those old laws.”  Um, no he didn’t!

“Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.” – Matthew 5:19

This is Jesus speaking and he makes it very clear that ALL commands must be followed.  Break the very least of these commands and you will be called the least in the kingdom of heaven.  It’s clear that Jesus expects you to follow the rules.  Those commands are NOT just the ten commandments Christians often say.  They include ALL of God’s commands.  Read Matthew 5:17, two verses before this verse.

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.” – Matthew 5:17

This is Jesus speaking again and it is very clear from his words that he did not come to abolish any laws but to fulfill them.  All those crazy laws in the Old Testament?  Yep, Jesus demands they be followed and that, my friends, is a big load of crazy!