Tuesdays are great because each Tuesday is a brand new Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday. Today’s verse comes from the New Testament and directly from the mouth of Jesus. It’s a mix of sex and misogyny and words today that are ignored by most Christians!
“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” – Matthew 19:9
A man cannot divorce a woman for any reason except sexual immorality. In other words, a marriage can be dissolved if a woman sleeps around. But what if a man does the same? Jesus says nothing on this. Apparently, it’s okay for men to sleep around. The verse also discusses nothing about consent. What if husband and wife agree to this? Is it wrong? In my opinion no. Per the Bible, however, only God can give consent and he often does when he wants to kill you. 🙂
Moreover, most Christians don’t follow the words of Jesus spoken in this verse. Many Christians (and non-Christians to be fair) are divorced. Many of those divorces have nothing to do with infidelity. Yet the Bible demands those people to remain in unhappy marriages. Great for family values, right? You must remain unhappy! There are many pastors/preachers/priests who are divorced and re-married. And those who are not divorced often don’t care that others are divorced and re-married. That is a good thing. It shows society is much more moral than God/Jesus. On the other hand, it’s hypocritical for Christians to demand we follow some verses, but not others.
It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!! Jesus is a wonderful guy filled with nothing but love, right? WRONG! Today’s verses show us Jesus is just as crazy as himself/father/spirit in the Old Testament.
“Then Jesus began to denounce the towns in which most of his miracles had been performed, because they did not repent. ‘Woe to you, Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! For if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I tell you, it will be more bearable for Tyre and Sidon on the day of judgment than for you. And you, Capernaum, will you be lifted to the heavens? No, you will go down to Hades. For if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Sodom, it would have remained to this day. But I tell you that it will be more bearable for Sodom on the day of judgment than for you.’” – Matthew 11:20-24
We all know what happened to Sodom and Jesus promises that what will happen to these towns will be worse. There are several problems with this argument. First, there’s no way not a single person in any of these towns decided to follow and believe in Jesus. The entire town said no? Sorry, not buying it. Second, maybe your speech wasn’t very good! Maybe, just maybe, the problem isn’t the people, but the all-knowing messenger!!!
So because Jesus sucks at public speaking everyone in the town will go to hell, including the children and babies! Everyone will go to hell! So much for love and forgiveness from Jesus.
The New Testament is not the nice loving story too many Christians make it out to be. Jesus says some very cruel things and is not all that different from the jealous Old Testament God. Take Matthew 8:21-22 for example.
“Another disciple said to him, ‘Lord, first let me go and bury my father.’ But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.’” – Matthew 8:21-22
The intended message here is that following Jesus is more important than anything else in your life. This is a horrible message. If God is truly loving, he’ll allow you time to grieve your loss. Only an asshole God does what this God (Jesus) of the New Testament demands. The New Testament tells you to screw your family as they are far less important than following Jesus. How are you supposed to love if you have to screw your family over? It makes no sense at all and is another crazy set of verses in the Bible.
Today’s Crazy Bible verse takes us away from the book of Judges and into the New Testament.
“After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.” – Matthew 4:2
This refers to Jesus being taken into the wilderness and fasting for forty days and forty nights. Does a fast mean without food AND water? If so, this is impossible. You are dead within a few days without water. So no, Jesus did not fast for forty days and nights without water. If it simply means food, it is possible to survive this long, but the body is severely malnourished at this point and at the point of death. How is Jesus doing in the Bible? He’s simply hungry. That’s it. Intense hunger can set in within a day for those who are currently eating a healthy number of calories per day. At forty days Jesus is quite possibly dead! Not the Jesus in the Bible. Aside from a bit of hunger, he’s doing just fine and walks away with no assistance. Nope, science tells us this can’t happen and this story is a fraud.
Today’s Crazy Bible Verse comes straight from the mouth of Jesus and is one used by Christians to argue that you can do anything if only you have enough faith.
“Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” – Matthew 17:20
I don’t care how much faith you have, you are not moving a mountain. Okay, I realize it’s easy to argue this is a metaphor, so let’s look at it in that form. Can one have enough faith to cure their cancer? Can one have enough faith to stop a loved one from dying from a horrible disease? No. One can’t. And what makes this verse so sickening is Christians today use it to condemn people who aren’t cured or have bad things happen to them. Oh, if only they had more faith. Seriously? Well fuck you!
I argue this is one of the most harmful verses in the Bible as it pushes those who are struggling to seek Jesus. If only you seek Jesus your problems will be solved. Except it’s not true. People with the greatest faith in the world still do not receive what they ask for. Their loved ones still die. Bad things still happen. So no, faith has nothing to do with what happens to you in life.
It’s Crazy Bible verse Tuesday and today I bring you a couple of verses in which Jesus is upset that children are not killed!
“Jesus replied, ‘And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’’” – Matthew 15:3-4
The Pharisees are talking to Jesus and Jesus is answering their questions. Jesus is not all hugs and kisses as Christians like to describe him as. Jesus makes it very clear in many places in the Bible (e.g. Matthew 5:17) that he will uphold all of the old laws. He’ll uphold the old laws even if it means the death of a child. What child doesn’t curse their mother or father at times? That’s the life of a child! Jesus, however, makes it clear he believes this is a crime worthy of death. Jesus, if he had his way in all cases, would murder every child who ever curses his/her mother/father.
Thankfully the story of Jesus is false and Jesus himself may never have existed (see Nailed by David Fitzgerald for a full write-up on this). Had Jesus existed and followed the old laws, all of mankind would have ended because no child would make it to adulthood.
It’s Tuesday! Crazy Bible verse Tuesday! Today’s crazy Bible verse continues the theme of Jesus and his anti-family comments in the Bible.
“And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven.” – Matthew 23:9
Jesus makes it clear that you should not call your biological father, father. Only God is worthy of being called father. If this was the only anti-family verse in the Bible it would be ignored as insignificant. However, it is one of MANY anti-family verses straight from the mouth of Jesus. It’s a further piece of evidence Jesus only cares about you following him. And to follow him you must give up all other relationships on Earth. There’s only enough love for Jesus apparently. To demand one stop loving their family in return for the Jesus’ love is itself pure evil.