Proverbs – Chapter 25: Untitled

I am becoming so wise from reading Proverbs.  I now know it is wise to beat your children and then eat some honey.  Without the Bible I wouldn’t know these are things wise people do! I can’t wait to gain more wisdom from Proverbs 25.

“If you find honey, eat just enough—too much of it, and you will vomit.” – Proverbs 25:16

Thank God the Bible make this clear!  I want a few moments to relax after beating my children so I definitely don’t want to eat too much honey and find myself vomiting!

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” – Proverbs 25:24

Do you hear that men?  Make sure your woman understands the house rules, for if she talks back to you, you’ll be forced to live on your roof.  WTF!

“It is not good to eat too much honey…” – Proverbs 25:27

Just in case you missed the earlier verse in this chapter warning not to eat too much honey.  

So what have we learned?  Beating your children? Good in the eyes of God.  Eating honey? Also good in the eyes of God as long as you don’t eat too much.  Biblical wisdom at its finest.

Coming Soon:  Proverbs – Chapter 26:  Untitled

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Proverbs – Chapter 24: Untitled

After two chapters in a row in which the Bible tells us the importance of beating our children, we move on to what I’d like to say is a chapter with no child beating, but I wouldn’t be surprised if child beating takes focus once again.  That’s the Bible for you.

“If you falter in a time of trouble, how small is your strength!” – Proverbs 24:10

You faltered?  You fucking weakling!

“Eat honey, my son, for it is good; honey from the comb is sweet to your taste.” – Proverbs 24:13

OMG! Let me explain why I find this so funny.  Two of the thirty sayings tell you to beat your child.  Then this one tells you to eat honey. LOL! Such a drastic change in focus!

“Do not say, ‘I’ll do to them as they have done to me; I’ll pay them back for what they did.’” – Proverbs 24:29

The god of Exodus 21:24 disagrees with this god.  An eye for an eye.

So what did we learn in this chapter?  After beating your child, make sure you eat your honey!  It will make your bones grow strong. 🙂 SMH. What a book full of bullshit.

Coming Soon:  Proverbs – Chapter 25:  Untitled

Proverbs – Chapter 23: Untitled

Still several chapters of Proverbs to go.  The Bible is not yet done giving us ‘wisdom’.  Without the Bible we wouldn’t understand the necessity of beating our kids with rods!  So let’s read on very carefully so we come away with true wisdom gained.

“You will vomit up the little you have eaten and will have wasted your compliments.” – Proverbs 23:8

Um…okay.

“Do not move an ancient boundary stone…” – Proverbs 23:10

This is a repeat of a previous saying.  SMH.

“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.” – Proverbs 23:13

Another repeat.  The Bible thinks it is soooo important to beat your child that it repeats the instruction multiple times.  God says it is moral to beat your child.

“…for an adulterous woman is a deep pit…” – Proverbs 23:27

Another repeated saying.  

Thirty sayings of the wise my ass!  Half of the sayings are repeated. I realize I’m not taking the time to do an official, but there might be twenty or so distinct sayings of the wise and one of them is beating your kid!  The Bible says you need to beat your kid to save him/her from death. Seriously? Christians…please read your Bible. Do you really find this book and this god moral?

Coming Soon:  Proverbs – Chapter 24:  Untitled

Proverbs – Chapter 22: Untitled

We ended the last chapter of Proverbs wondering if we should or should not run out and buy olive oil.  So many difficult questions in life! Let’s see if this chapter has more dilemmas for us.

“Rich and poor have this in common: The Lord is the Maker of them all.” – Proverbs 22:2

Wow…such comfort to the poor who are suffering horribly.

“The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.” – Proverbs 22:7

A verse Christians continue to use today when pushing for public policy.  The poor must be ruled by the rich for they made bad choices. Sigh. What a crock of shit.

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.” – Proverbs 22:15

The Bible says you can’t be a good parent unless you beat your kids with a rod.  Child abuse is okay in the eyes of the Lord.

At this point in this chapter the Bible switches over to 30 sayings of the wise.  This should be good.

“Do not exploit the poor because they are poor…” – Proverbs 22:22

Republican politicians should read their Bible.  

That’s it for this chapter.  The sayings of the wise will continue in the next chapter.  The takeaway from this chapter? This supposed book of morals is okay with physical abuse of a child.  

Coming Soon:  Proverbs – Chapter 23:  Untitled

Proverbs – Chapter 21: Untitled

Well, the big take-away from the last chapter is that you should never ever fuck with God’s weights and measures.  LOL! Can the Bible top that today? Let’s find out.

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” – Proverbs 21:9

More wisdom to avoid those quarrelsome wives!

“Whoever loves pleasure will become poor;   whoever loves wine and olive oil will never be rich.” – Proverbs 21:17

Stay away from the olive oil!

“Better to live in a desert  than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” – Proverbs 21:19

 Not only does the wife quarrel, she nags!  

“The wise store up choice food and olive oil,  but fools gulp theirs down.” – Proverbs 21:20

Wait, now olive oil is good? Make up your damn mind!

Man, I don’t know what to do!  Do I avoid the olive oil or do I go out and get a bunch now!  If I want to be wise, I need to store up on olive oil! LOL! Biblical wisdom at its finest!Uncate

Coming Soon:  Proverbs – Chapter 22: Untitled

Proverbs – Chapter 20: Untitled

I’ll get straight to it today because I love the first verse of this chapter.

“Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.” – Proverbs 20:1

LOL! Looking for a fight? Beer is your choice! LOL!

“The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.” – Proverbs 20:7

The Bible tells us no one is blameless so this verse makes no sense. Or if it does, there are no blessed children and no righteous adults.

“Differing weights and differing measures—the Lord detests them both.” – Proverbs 20:10

Don’t fuck with God’s weights and measures!!!

“Even small children are known by their actions, so is their conduct really pure and upright?” – Proverbs 20:11

Holy fuck, now the Bible is going after the children.

“If someone curses their father or mother,  their lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness.” – Proverbs 20:20

If this was true then all of humanity would be gone after one generation! Every child will curse their mother and father at times. It’s part of what we call childhood.

“The Lord detests differing weights, and dishonest scales do not please him.” – Proverbs 20:23

God hates it so much when you fuck with his weights that he listed it twice in this chapter! LOL!

I’m not sure I can get over how important weights and measures are in the Bible. Rape? No problem. Slavery?  A-Okay. Murdering children? Go right ahead. Change the weights? DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!!!

Coming Soon:  Proverbs – Chapter 21: Untitled

Proverbs – Chapter 19: Untitled

Let us continue with the ‘wisdom’ Proverbs offers us.

“The one who gets wisdom loves life;   the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper.” – Proverbs 19:8

I suppose that depends on the type of wisdom. I can’t image the wisdom offered in Proverbs lets one love life.

“It is not fitting for a fool to live in luxury—how much worse for a slave to rule over princes!” – Proverbs 19:10

More from the Bible on slaves. The better wisdom would be to directly state that slavery is to be abolished.

“A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like  the constant dripping of a leaky roof.” – Proverbs 19:13

Hear that ladies?  Don’t be quarrelsome! Sit and listen to your husbands and obey them!  🙂

“Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” – Proverbs 19:14

God will provide all godly men with godly wives. A woman with no choice is a godly woman.

“Discipline your children, for in that there is hope;” – Proverbs 19:18

In other words, it is godly to beat the fuck out of your children.

Well, quite a bit of misogyny in this chapter. Women have little to no choice in biblical matters. A woman who questions is evil in the eyes of this god. Oh, and go ahead and knock your kids around a bit.

Coming Soon:  Proverbs – Chapter 20:  Untitled