Revelation 17:16

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and for the second week in a row I’ve pulled a verse from the last book of the Bible, Revelation.

“The beast and the ten horns you saw will hate the prostitute. They will bring her to ruin and leave her naked; they will eat her flesh and burn her with fire.” – Revelation 17:16

Um…okay.  A beast with ten horns is going to come down and eat the flush and burn a prostitute?  Murderers, rapists, and child abusers…meh.  But prostitutes?  Bring out the ten horned beast to eat her flesh!!!  Seriously Christians?  You believe this shit?  Sigh.

Advertisements

Revelation 22:18-19

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s two verses basically state that anyone who alters the Bible will go to Hell.  Hmmm.

“I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this scroll: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this scroll. And if anyone takes words away from this scroll of prophecy, God will take away from that person any share in the tree of life and in the Holy City, which are described in this scroll.” – Revelation 22:18-19

There are only two verses after this in the Bible.  The two above make it clear you are not to alter the Bible in any way, which is interesting given the chapters in the Bible were picked over others that were left out.  Even more interesting when you see that different versions of the Bible have different ways of saying things and some chapters are even different!  And what does this mean for interpretation?  Interpret it the wrong way and you go to Hell?  Hmm.  My takeaway is these verses just go to show the ridiculousness of the Bible.  Very little of it makes sense, including a couple of the very last verses in the book.

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s two verses basically state that anyone who alters the Bible will go to Hell.  Hmmm.

 

“I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this scroll: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this scroll. And if anyone takes words away from this scroll of prophecy, God will take away from that person any share in the tree of life and in the Holy City, which are described in this scroll.” – Revelation 22:18-19

 

There are only two verses after this in the Bible.  The two above make it clear you are not to alter the Bible in any way, which is interesting given the chapters in the Bible were picked over others that were left out.  Even more interesting when you see that different versions of the Bible have different ways of saying things and some chapters are even different!  And what does this mean for interpretation?  Interpret it the wrong way and you go to Hell?  Hmm.  My takeaway is these verses just go to show the ridiculousness of the Bible.  Very little of it makes sense, including a couple of the very last verses in the book.

Revelation 22:15

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse comes from the book of Revelation.

“Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.” – Revelation 22:15

The book of Revelation describes the end of times and lays out what is needed to get to heaven.  In this verse, those who practice magic, do the sex in the wrong way, and do other bad things, won’t make it to heaven.  In addition, anyone who practices falsehood, or in other words lies, doesn’t make it to heaven.  Um…everyone lies.  Some lies are small, some are big.  Some are even unintentional.  Kids lie all the time.  It’s part of growing up.  So if no one who lies can make it to heaven, who actually goes to heaven?  No one!  Hell, even Jesus lied!  He said he would return in the lifetime of those alive at the time and he didn’t!  Jesus is a liar.  Not even Jesus makes it to heaven according to this verse.  That leaves two options.  Either heaven doesn’t exist or it’s an empty place inhabited by no one.  Hmmm.

Revelation 20:4-5

Guess what?  We’re not done with zombies in the Bible.  It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and once again, I’ve pulled a verse about zombies.

“They came to life and reigned with Christ a thousand years. (The rest of the dead did not come to life until the thousand years were ended.) This is the first resurrection.” – Revelation 20:4-5

More zombies!!!  I’m beginning to think the Bible is less an attempt to convert the masses and more just some dude’s attempt to write the next great horror novel.  😊

Revelation 8:10

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse is a great example of bad science in the Bible.

“The third angel sounded his trumpet, and a great star, blazing like a torch, fell from the sky on a third of the rivers and on the springs of water.” Revelation 8:10

How do we know this is bad science?  Well, for starters, we’re still here.  If a star fell from the sky and struck Earth, Earth would be completely vaporized and wiped from existence.  It’s that simple!  Consider the Sun.  The Sun is so big that it would take 1.3 million Earths to fill it.  Wow!  And some stars are bigger than the Sun.  Earth stands no chance against a star.  Sure, a third of rivers and springs on all of Earth being destroyed sounds destructive, but it’s not compared to what a star would really do, which is completely wipe out the Earth.  Come on God, you’re supposed to be all-knowing!  Did you flunk 4th grade science?

Revelation 6:12-14

Today is my favorite day of the week because it’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!!!  Today’s crazy verses come from the last book in the Bible, Revelation.  Revelation is filled with all sorts of crazy, but today I pull out a huge dose of anti-science.

“I watched as he opened the sixth seal. There was a great earthquake. The sun turned black like sackcloth made of goat hair, the whole moon turned blood red, and the stars in the sky fell to earth, as figs drop from a fig tree when shaken by a strong wind. The heavens receded like a scroll being rolled up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place.” – Revelation 6:12-14

Let me focus specifically on the sun and the moon in these three verses.  Can the sun turn black?  Not exactly, but it will appear black during a total solar eclipse, so as written, this could be a possibility.  However, the crazy anti-science comes into play with the words on the moon.  Can the moon appear blood red?  Sure, during a total lunar eclipse or possibly when a full moon is rising or setting.  For a lunar eclipse or the rising/setting of the sun, atmospheric effects due to Earth’s atmosphere cause this temporary change in observed color.

Treating the sun and the moon separately, both are possible.  However, they are not possible at the same time.  A lunar eclipse occurs when the moon is in its full phase.  A solar eclipse can only occur when the moon is in its new phase.  The moon cannot be in a full and new phase at the same time. This is simple geometry, but geometry God gets wrong in the Bible.  So much for an all-knowing god.  Getting science correct on this issue is not difficult.  Middle school and high school students can understand it, but not the god of the Bible.

Revelation 2:20-23

It’s crazy Bible verse Tuesday and I’m continuing to focus on the words of Jesus.  There’s a lot of crazy in the Old Testament, but it’s important to note that the crazy does not stop in the New Testament.  Here’s a bit from Jesus in Revelation.

“Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. I have given her time to repent of her immorality, but she is unwilling. So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways. I will strike her children dead.” – Revelation 2:20-23

Let me put a little bit of context behind this.  In Revelation, Jesus is giving John a message that he writes down.  This particular message is given to John to be given to the church of Thyatira.

There’s several problems with these few verses.  First, Jezebel is supposedly distracting the men.  Really?  Can the men not control their urges?  Those men make their own choices.  If they are choosing to be sexually immoral and eating the wrong food, that is their choice.  Jezebel is not making them do this.  Second, Jesus/God is going punish Jezebel for the actions of the men?  I guess Jesus hates women too.  Third, Jesus/God is going to kill Jezebel’s children.  What the hell did her children do?  Her children are innocent!  Just like God, the Son of God, Jesus, is an immoral bastard who kills innocents.