Psalm – Chapter 38: A psalm of David. A petition.

After a few chapters in 2 Samuel in which we learned of even more reasons God is evil, we move back to the book of Psalms, starting with chapter 5 today.

“For you are not a God who is pleased with wickedness; with you, evil people are not welcome.” – Psalm 5:4

God isn’t pleased with wickedness?  Are you sure?  Read Isaiah 45:7.  God is the one who CREATED evil! We learned in a previous chapter of Psalms that God made babies wicked!  Psalms specifically told us those who are wicked are born wicked!  This is a god who loves evil because he IS evil!

“The bloodthirsty and deceitful you, Lord, detest.” – Psalm 5:6

So the Lord detests itself?  No one is more bloodthirsty than the Lord.

“Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with malice.” – Psalm 5:9

If their hearts are filled with malice, blame God.  God is the one who brought evil into this world.  God is the one who hardens hearts.  Evil exists because of God.

“Banish them for their many sins, for they have rebelled against you.” – Psalm 5:10

Says David, who has raped and murdered tens to hundreds of thousands of people.

“Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.” – Psalm 5:12

David should talk to Job on this one.  😊

This concludes Psalm 5.  David describes God in a way that is the exact opposite of who God is and what God has done to this world.  All assuming, of course, a god even exists.  If a god does exist and it is the god of the Bible, then it is a VERY evil god.

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 38:  A psalm of David. A petition.

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2 Samuel – Chapter 21: The Gibeonites Avenged

Sheba, the troublemaker, is now dead and peace reigns among the Israelites.  The end.  Unfortunately no.  The Bible continues on for many, many more chapters and peace is nowhere to be found.  Sigh.

“During the reign of David, there was a famine for three successive years; so David sought the face of the Lord. The Lord said, ‘It is on account of Saul and his blood-stained house; it is because he put the Gibeonites to death.’” – 2 Samuel 21:1

This is example #198,914,715 why the God of the Bible is the most evil character in the Bible.  The Israelites have three years of famine due to the actions of a dead man?  For fuck’s sake.

“They answered the king, ‘As for the man who destroyed us and plotted against us so that we have been decimated and have no place anywhere in Israel, let seven of his male descendants be given to us to be killed and their bodies exposed before the Lord at Gibeah of Saul—the Lord’s chosen one.’” – 2 Samuel 21:5-6

This is the solution???  Kill seven male descendants?  How does killing Saul’s descendants do anything?  And God accepts this?  Example #198,914,716 God is evil.

“Rizpah daughter of Aiah took sackcloth and spread it out for herself on a rock. From the beginning of the harvest till the rain poured down from the heavens on the bodies, she did not let the birds touch them by day or the wild animals by night.” – 2 Samuel 21:10

Yes, because God can’t stand rotting corpses picked apart by birds.  God likes his rotting corpses in pristine condition!

“They buried the bones of Saul and his son Jonathan in the tomb of Saul’s father Kish, at Zela in Benjamin, and did everything the king commanded. After that, God answered prayer in behalf of the land.” – 2 Samuel 21:14

It is unbelievable that this is what it took to satisfy this god and bring rain.  For fuck’s sake.

“Once again there was a battle between the Philistines and Israel.” – 2 Samuel 21:15

Seven men were killed for no reason and God still brings war to the land.  Fuck you God.

After this there are several more verses on specific battles.  The point here is that an awful thing was done to appease God and yet peace is still elusive.  This god wants blood.  This evil god wants death and destruction.  You can do whatever God asks, but this god will still do immense harm to you and your loved ones.

Coming Soon:  Psalm – Chapter 5:  For the director of music. For pipes. A psalm of David.

Romans 6:4

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday.  The last two weeks of Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday focused on zombies, so let me continue the zombie theme this week (and likely for a few more weeks).

“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” – Romans 6:4

This verse is not referring to the literal rising of the dead, but the symbolic rising of those who are “born again” in the name of Christ.  Christians refer to baptism as fully accepting Jesus into their lives and are therefore “born again”.  Depending on the church, some baptisms do not take place until the teenage years, after a child has had time to think about Jesus.  It’s still very questionable that a teenager fully understands what baptism means, but it makes more sense than churches who baptize children as babies.  A baby has no say in the matter and knows jack shit about Jesus.

 

Anyways, back to this verse.  All those “born again” Christians out there are symbolic zombies!  I’d argue some of them who have no ability to critically think are also literal zombies, but that’s an argument for another day.

2 Samuel – Chapter 20: Sheba Rebels Against David

David is back in Jerusalem.  The end.  Unfortunately that is not the case.  The Bible has many more chapters, meaning peace did not rule the land after David’s return.  Sigh.

“Now a troublemaker named Sheba son of Bikri, a Benjamite, happened to be there” – 2 Samuel 20:1

Oohhh….a troublemaker!  I’m not sure why I find this word so funny.  It’s probably due to all the rape and murder in this book, that the word ‘troublemaker’ just seems out of place!

“So all the men of Israel deserted David to follow Sheba son of Bikri. But the men of Judah stayed by their king all the way from the Jordan to Jerusalem.” – 2 Samuel 20:2

LOL!  Poor David just can’t keep his people following him faithfully.

“When David returned to his palace in Jerusalem, he took the ten concubines he had left to take care of the palace and put them in a house under guard. He provided for them but had no sexual relations with them. They were kept in confinement till the day of their death, living as widows.” – 2 Samule 20:3

WTF?!?!?  What does this have to do with people leaving David in favor of Sheba?  What the fuck did the concubines do???

“Joab said to Amasa, ‘How are you, my brother?’ Then Joab took Amasa by the beard with his right hand to kiss him. Amasa was not on his guard against the dagger in Joab’s hand, and Joab plunged it into his belly, and his intestines spilled out on the ground. Without being stabbed again, Amasa died. Then Joab and his brother Abishai pursued Sheba son of Bikri.” – 2 Samuel 20:9-10

WTF?!?!?  So you can thrust three javelins directly into someone’s heart and not kill them (from a previous chapter), but a dagger to someone’s side is instant death?  The authors of the Bible clearly have no understanding of how the human body and death work.  I don’t doubt the dagger stab was deadly, but instant death as described here?  No way.

“Then the woman went to all the people with her wise advice, and they cut off the head of Sheba son of Bikri and threw it to Joab. So he sounded the trumpet, and his men dispersed from the city, each returning to his home. And Joab went back to the king in Jerusalem.” – 2 Samuel 20:22

LOL!  It’s the Bible so of course a head was cut off and thrown over the wall.  Great scenes for a movie!

That does it for this chapter.  David is back in charge, but the bloodshed continues.  Sheba, that troublemaker (LOL!), has his head cut off and thrown over the wall.  The Bible.  The bloodiest book of them all.  But all about love, right?  😊

Coming Soon:  2 Samuel – Chapter 21:  The Gibeonites Avenged

2 Samuel – Chapter 19: David Returns to Jerusalem

Thank the make believe god of the Bible we have moved out of Psalms for the time being.  Psalms is a very repetitive book in which the 100+ chapters could easily be reduced to one chapter that says:

“God is great.  Don’t fuck with God.  God helps the poor and needy.  Don’t fuck with God.”

One chapter, one verse and Psalms is done!  Then again, the authors of the Bible didn’t have Netflix in their time, so they had nothing better to do but repeat the same damn thing over and over again.  Enough with Psalms for now.  Today we look back in 2 Samuel with the return of David to Jerusalem.

“Joab was told, ‘The king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.’” – 2 Samuel 19:1

It makes sense that David mourns for Absalom.  Absalom was his son and despite the crimes by Absalom one should not knock David for mourning.  Even parents of mass murderers will weep for their children.

“Then Joab went into the house to the king and said, ‘Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines.’” – 2 Samuel 19:5

Joab is holding nothing back from David.  Although I point to the last few words of this verse that once again point out multiple wives and concubines.  Traditional marriage?  Puh-lease!

“Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come on you from your youth till now.” – 2 Samuel 19:7

More from Joab.  He’s holding nothing back.  He’s basically saying to David to get off your ass and lead your men.

“And say to Amasa, ‘Are you not my own flesh and blood? May God deal with me, be it ever so severely, if you are not the commander of my army for life in place of Joab.’” – 2 Samuel 19:13

I highly doubt this god, the god who allows and often promotes rape and murder, is going to deal with anyone in any just way.

“David replied, ‘What does this have to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah? What right do you have to interfere? Should anyone be put to death in Israel today? Don’t I know that today I am king over Israel?’ So the king said to Shimei, ‘You shall not die.’ And the king promised him on oath.” – 2 Samuel 19:22-23

How nice of David not to kill.  Too bad that doesn’t apply to all the other people David intends to take over for his own gain.  Too bad this niceness doesn’t apply to the multiple wives and concubines he rapes or the women his men rape as war spoils.

“Now Barzillai was very old, eighty years of age.” – 2 Samuel 19:32

Eight years old is considered very old, especially for this time period that lacked modern medicine.  It’s a stark contrast to the very old of several centuries we saw in Genesis.

“Then the men of Israel answered the men of Judah, ‘We have ten shares in the king; so we have a greater claim on David than you have. Why then do you treat us with contempt? Weren’t we the first to speak of bringing back our king?’” – 2 Samuel 19:43

For fuck’s sake.  Now the tribes are arguing over who is the better tribe to hang with David.  Seriously?

This concludes 2 Samuel 19.  Absalom is dead and David has returned to Jerusalem to lead all of the tribes.  Let the blood killing begin again!

Coming Soon:  2 Samuel – Chapter 20:  Sheba Rebels Against David

Psalm – Chapter 64: For the director of music. A psalm of David.

By now we all know what to expect from a chapter in Psalms, but alas, I must continue through this very repetitive book.

“Hear me, my God, as I voice my complaint; protect my life from the threat of the enemy.” – Psalm 64:1

Would David have these enemies if he didn’t kill and rape?

“They shoot from ambush at the innocent; they shoot suddenly, without fear.” – Psalm 64:4

I’m sorry, but THEY are the innocents you harmed.  They are simply defending themselves from further harm by YOU!

“But God will shoot them with his arrows; they will suddenly be struck down.” – Psalm 64:7

This is probably true.  We’ve seen time and time again God attacking and harming innocents.

“All people will fear; they will proclaim the works of God and ponder what he has done.” – Psalm 64:9

If by ponder you mean the people will question why God demands murder and rape, then yes, the people will ponder.

What did we learn in this chapter?  David really has a stick up his ass regarding people he’s harmed defending themselves.  David definitely lives in a bubble of God’s making.

Coming Soon:  2 Samuel – Chapter 19:  David Returns to Jerusalem

Matthew 27:51-53

Last week for Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday I posted a verse on zombies in the Bible, in celebration of Halloween.  It’s a week after Halloween, but I think today deserves another verse on zombies.

“And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. The tombs also were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many.” – Matthew 27:51-53”

This happens just after the death of Jesus on the cross.  Jesus dies and zombies rise!!!  LOL!  You can’t make this shit up.  It’s in the Bible and Christians across the world believe the dead literally rose and started walking the Earth.  Not all Christians, mind you.  Many are skeptical enough to know the dead did not rise and become zombies.  They still believe Jesus rose from the dead, but at least they don’t believe the other dead rose.  Too many Christians, however, literally believe zombies walked the land.  Why?  Because the Bible, a book written by random men, says so.  No skeptical thought at all!  Any skeptical thinking will lead you to conclude zombies did not walk the land.