Proverbs 10:3

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today’s verse comes from the book of Proverbs.

“The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry, but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.” – Proverbs 10:3

See?  It’s easy to not go hungry.  Just be righteous and God will provide for you.  Then why are there all these poor, hungry people across the world.  Easy! They are wicked! If only they were righteous.

What a load of shit!  This is the problem with Christianity.  Those who suffer do so because they are not righteous in the eyes of the Lord.  It apparently has nothing to do with what one was born into. If only these poor, hungry people just became more righteous.  They’d suddenly find themselves with heaping plates of food. Fuck Christianity.

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Proverbs – Chapter 1: Purpose and Theme

Today we start the first chapter in the book of Proverbs and the title says it all.  We should expect to learn the purpose and theme of Proverbs in this chapter.

“for gaining wisdom and instruction; for understanding words of insight…” – Proverbs 1:2

LOL!  Wisdom and insight?  We’ve had none of that thus far in the Bible so I doubt Proverbs is the book to finally do it.

“…for understanding proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise.” – Proverbs 1:6

Or you know, the Bible could do away with the parables and riddles and simply state without being ‘mysterious’.  Sheesh.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” – Proverbs 1:7

For fuck’s sake.  Fear is the beginning of knowledge?  Fuck you God. Fear is the beginning of child abuse.  

“My son, if sinful men entice you, do not give in to them.” – Proverbs 1:10

Following this verse are several about harming people and stealing.  This is one of the very few worthwhile verses in the Bible. If there are truly those doing wrong asking you to join them, then yes, you should definitely say no.  But the Bible is not needed to gain this piece of wisdom.

I in turn will laugh when disaster strikes you; I will mock when calamity overtakes you—” – Proverbs 1:26

This is in reference to wisdom being shared but one not listening to it.  What lesson does this teach? It teaches us to mock those that don’t immediately listen without questioning.  Maybe the wisdom should have been accepted, but a truly moral person, including a moral god, would still help those who didn’t listen the first time, not mock them.  Then again, this god of the Bible is not a moral god.

“Then they will call to me but I will not answer;  they will look for me but will not find me, since they hated knowledged did not choose to fear the Lord.” – Proverbs 1:28-29

How Christian of you!  Instead of helping, you mock.  And again, it’s back to needing to fear God to understand.  Bullshit. Fear is the tool of a child abuser.

What did we learn in Proverbs 1?  There is one verse on doing the right thing, but later in the chapter this is followed up by mocking and harming those who don’t listen to you the first time.  Sigh. Violence, mocking, bullying…all biblical ‘morals’.

Coming Soon:  Proverbs – Chapter 2:  Moral Benefits of Wisdom

Introduction to Proverbs

Next week I’ll begin a discussion on the book of Proverbs.  When I looked up Proverbs, I found it is described as a book of Biblical wisdom tradition.  Um…biblical and wisdom in the same sentence? LOL! Anyways, Proverbs is supposed to talk about morality.  That should be good to hear. The Bible and morality are not exactly two words you want to see next to each other.  Morality in the Bible is too often along the lines of “kill whoever is not exactly like you.” The authorship of much of Proverbs is credited to Solomon, but then again, there’s really no evidence.

Will Proverbs break tradition in the Bible and teach us some actual morals that improve society?  We’ll find out, but don’t hold your breath.

Song of Songs – Chapter 8: Untitled

Today we have the last chapter in the Song of Songs.  Our education to sex is about to end, so hopefully you’ll have learned everything you need to know about sex by the end of this chapter.

“If only you were to me like a brother, who was nursed at my mother’s breasts!” – Song of Songs 8:1

This is a very weird thing to say when talking to your lover about sex.  Here’s some real advice.  Don’t say this!!!

“Then, if I found you outside, I would kiss you, and no one would despise me.” – Song of Songs 8:1

You’re going to kiss your brother?  Um???

“I would lead you and bring you to my mother’s house—she who has taught me.  I would give you spiced wine to drink, the nectar of my pomegranates.” – Song of Songs 8:2

And now you’re going to have sex with your brother?

“Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labor gave you birth.” – Song of Songs 8:5

No…being arousing in the same spot your mother had sex doesn’t put your partner in the mood.

“We have a little sister, and her breasts are not yet grow?  What shall we do for our sister on the day she is spoken for?” – Song of Songs 8:8

This is so wrong.  This is talk of what to do with a prepubescent child!  Biblical morals?  Dear Christians, please read the fucking book you worship.  It’s an awful book full of death, destruction, rape, and child rape.

“I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers.” – Song of Songs 8:10

Last chapter the breasts were like gazelle and grapes.  Now they are like towers.

“Come away, my beloved, and be like a gazelle, or like a young stag on the spice-laden mountains.” – Song of Songs 8:14

And thus ends the book of Song of Songs.  Did you learn everything you wanted to know about sex?  How about pickup lines?  There were some great pickup lines in this book, right?  Obviously the answer to these questions is no.  This book explains very little about sex.  In fact, much of the book focuses on incestual relationships, comparison of breasts to animals and fruits, and a bit about child rape.  Christians, please read the book you worship.  You might interested to know that it is not a book of morals.  You are far more moral than this book written by men to control the masses.

Coming Soon:  Proverbs – Chapter 1:  Purpose and Theme

1 Kings 11:3

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and you can add today’s verse to the category of WTF.

“He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray.” – 1 Kings 11:3

There are a couple of things to digest in this verse.  To start, 700 wives?  Seriously?  You can have sex every day of the year and it would still take you the better part of the year to get through all 700 wives.  Then you have 300 concubines?  At what point does it become too much?  This is just ridiculous, and let’s not forget, all of it is God approved.

Second, his wives led him astray?  You have 700 wives!  And 300 concubines!  You led yourself astray you idiot!!!

Sigh.  Biblical values.  Lots of wives, add some concubines, then blame the wives that you have concubines.  A book of morality this is not.

Song of Songs – Chapter 7: Untitled

Today we have Song of Songs 7.  This is the second to last chapter in this book which is all about sex between a man and a woman.

“Your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle.” – Song of Songs 7:3

Um…okay.  I guess this is better than the comparison to goats we read about in previous chapters in this book.

“Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.” – Song of Songs 7:7

Now the breasts are compared to clusters of fruit.  First gazelle and now fruit.  Interesting comparison switch in just four verses.

“May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,” – Song of Songs 7:8

Not just any fruit, but the breasts are like clusters of grapes!

“May the wine go straight to my beloved, flowing gently over lips and teeth.” – Song of Songs 7:9

Yes, drink the wine to loosen up so you are more likely to be seduced.  To be clear, this is the woman saying this to the man.

“Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom—there I will give you my love.” – Song of Songs 7:12

As we learned in the last chapters, the vines and pomegranates mentioned in this verse are references to the human body.

Yep…more sex references.  In this chapter parts of the human body are compared to animals and fruits.  Not the best pickup lines in the world.  Use them at your own risk!!!

Coming Soon:  Song of Songs – Chapter 8:  Untitled

Song of Songs – Chapter 6: Untitled

This book of erotic fiction continues today with chapter 6.  Lots of kinky sex so far, so let’s see what sexual ‘wisdom’ the Bible has in store for us today.

“My beloved has gone down to his garden,” – Song of Songs 6:2

We learned in a previous chapter that ‘garden’ does not really mean a garden.  I think he’s gone for some alone time to pleasure himself.  😊

“Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead.” – Song of Songs 6:5

I still don’t get the comparisons to goats.  Is this really flattery?

“Your teeth are like a flock of sheep coming up from the washing.  Each has its twin, not one of them is missing.” – Song of Songs 6:6

Hey baby…you’ve got all your teeth!  Nice pickup line, I guess?  I realize times are different and dental hygiene doesn’t exist as it does today, but for an all-knowing god you’d think he’d tell the authors to use a more reasonable pickup line.

“I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley to see if the vines had budded or the pomegranates were in bloom.” – Song of Songs 6:11

Based on previous verses in this chapter, this is code for looking upon the naked body for appropriate beauty.  Whatever appropriate means to this god.

Take what you will from this chapter.  Pleasuring oneself, goats as flattery, full set of teeth, and comparing the naked body to pomegranates and vines.

Coming Soon:  Song of Songs – Chapter 7:  Untitled