Jeremiah – Chapter 8: Sin and Punishment

Today, in this chapter, we hear about sin and punishment from Jeremiah, God’s speaking lackey.

“At that time, declares the Lord, the bones of the kings and officials of Judah, the bones of the priests and prophets, and the bones of the people of Jerusalem will be removed from their graves. They will be exposed to the sun and the moon and all the stars of the heavens, which they have loved and served and which they have followed and consulted and worshiped. They will not be gathered up or buried, but will be like dung lying on the ground.” – Jeremiah 8:1-2

God is so pissy he’s digging up dead people’s bones!!!

“I have listened attentively, but they do not say what is right.” – Jeremiah 8:6

But have you God, have you?

“But my people do not know the requirements of the Lord.” – Jeremiah 8:7

There’s an easy way for God to remedy this. Tell him directly!!!

“Therefore I will give their wives to other men and their fields to new owners.” – Jeremiah 8:10

God is a misogynist asshole. The women have no choice in the matter. They are forced into another marriage against their will.

“I will take away their harvest, declares the Lord.” – Jeremiah 8:13

God will now starve the children and babies.

“Since my people are crushed, I am crushed; I mourn, and horror grips me.” – Jeremiah 8:21

God is truly stupid. He’s crushed but he did this himself and has the means to prevent it!!!

A truly unbelievable chapter. God is crushed? He did this! There’s no one to blame but God! God is all-knowing and all-powerful. There are an infinite number of ways to fix things, but he chooses the worst way possible and now he’s crushed??? Fuck this god.

Coming Soon: Jeremiah – Chapter 9: Untitled

Jeremiah – Chapter 7: False Religion Worthless

I definitely agree with the title of this chapter, but I’d change the word ‘false’ to ‘all’. False gods are ridiculous and they are all false because there’s no evidence for any gods.

“This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Reform your ways and your actions, and I will let you live in this place.” – Jeremiah 7:3

Do as I say without questioning no matter how wrong the command is. Then you may live. These are the words of an abuser.

“While you were doing all these things, declares the Lord, I spoke to you again and again, but you did not listen; I called you, but you did not answer.” – Jeremiah 7:13

This is a blatant lie from God. He never spoke to the people. He spoke through prophets. Random people that today people walk away from on the street. Yet God expected the people to listen to a random person. If God truly wanted to share his word to the people, he’d speak it himself.

“Therefore this is what the Sovereign Lord says: My anger and my wrath will be poured out on this place—on man and beast, on the trees of the field and on the crops of your land—and it will burn and not be quenched.” – Jeremiah 7:20

Just a typical day in which God expresses his love for the people.

“Cut off your hair and throw it away; take up a lament on the barren heights, for the Lord has rejected and abandoned this generation that is under his wrath.” – Jeremiah 7:29

Um…okay???

“I will bring an end to the sounds of joy and gladness and to the voices of bride and bridegroom in the towns of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem, for the land will become desolate.” – Jeremiah 7:34

God is pissy.

God continues to be mad and continues to place unrealistic conditions in exchange for his love of the people. God is a domestic abuser.

Coming Soon: Jeremiah – Chapter 8: Sin and Punishment

Jeremiah 5:8

Ezekiel 23:20 will always be my favorite Bible verse. Why? Look it up and you’ll see why, LOL! Recently, while reading through and writing about Jeremiah, I came across Jeremiah 5:8 and it was perfect for the next Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday!

“They are well-fed, lusty stallions, each neighing for another man’s wife.” – Jeremiah 5:8

Lusty stallions! LUSTY STALLIONS! ROFL!!!!! Hidden in all of the horribleness of the Bible is a bit of humor here and there. LOL!

Jeremiah – Chapter 5: Not One Is Upright

In the last chapter in Jeremiah we saw that God loves you. He may be ruining your land but because it isn’t destroyed completely, he loves you. LOL! What does this chapter have in store for us?

“If you can find but one person who deals honestly and seeks the truth, I will forgive this city.” – Jeremiah 5:1

God did this once already. See the story of Lot, he who had sex with his daughters, but was considered a righteous man.

“Why should I forgive you? Your children have forsaken me and sworn by gods that are not gods.” – Jeremiah 5:7

God loves you, but won’t forgive you.

“They are well-fed, lusty stallions, each neighing for another man’s wife.” – Jeremiah 5:8

‘Lusty stallions’ may be my favorite word combo in all of the Bible! ROFL!

“Because the people have spoken these words, I will make my words in your mouth a fire and these people the wood it consumes.” – Jeremiah 5:14

God is making Jeremiah commit his evil deeds. God is putting fire in Jeremiah’s mouth for him to breathe and destroy the people. How many innocent children and babies will be killed by God?

“They will devour your harvests and food, devour your sons and daughters;” – Jeremiah 5:17

God punishing the innocent once again. Sons and daughters include children and babies.

“And when the people ask, ‘Why has the Lord our God done all this to us?’ you will tell them, ‘As you have forsaken me and served foreign gods in your own land, so now you will serve foreigners in a land not your own.’” – Jeremiah 5:19

God promotes slavery.

Take away from this chapter? God continues to kill babies and children. God continues to support slavery. And lusty stallions. Yes, lusty stallions. 🙂

Coming Soon: Jeremiah – Chapter 6: Jerusalem Under Siege

Jeremiah – Chapter 4: Disaster From the North

Our long trek through Jeremiah continues. Thus far God is mad at the Israelites and says they are horrible people for not following his every command.

“Circumcise yourselves to the Lord, circumcise your hearts,” – Jeremiah 4:4

Given medicine at the time, opening up your chest cavity and cutting off a piece of your heart is likely to kill you.

“For I am bringing disaster from the north, even terrible destruction.” – Jeremiah 4:6

But remember, God loves you.

“Then I said, ‘Alas, Sovereign Lord! How completely you have deceived this people and Jerusalem by saying, ‘You will have peace,’ when the sword is at our throats!’” – Jeremiah 4:10

True. God has always lied on the topic of bringing peace.

“Disaster follows disaster; the whole land lies in ruins. In an instant my tents are destroyed, my shelter in a moment.” – Jeremiah 4:20

Somewhere there is a Christian justification for stating this really means God loves you. 🙂

“The whole land will be ruined, though I will not destroy it completely.” – Jeremiah 4:27

God loves you because he is not destroying the land, just ruining it. 🙂

How to sum this up? Oh, I know, God is a dick.

Coming Soon: Jeremiah – Chapter 5: Not One Is Upright

Judges 16:1

It’s Crazy Bible Verse Tuesday and today I take look at a verse in Judges with Samson, the one with the long hair that gave him his power.

“One day Samson went to Gaza, where he saw a prostitute. He went in to spend the night with her.” – Judges 16:1”

God rages about prostitutes and always talks about the peoples prostituting out their morals. But if it is a man visiting a prostitute, all is okay. Now that’s some crazy shit.

Jeremiah – Chapter 3: Unfaithful Israel

The title of this chapter tells us that God is still pissy. Let’s see how pissy.

“If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again? Would not the land be completely defiled?” – Jeremiah 3:1

Given she’s with another man, no. Leave her alone.

“During the reign of King Josiah, the Lord said to me, ‘Have you seen what faithless Israel has done? She has gone up on every high hill and under every spreading tree and has committed adultery there.’” – Jeremiah 3:6

Either there are few trees or there was a lot of sex going on! 🙂

“I thought that after she had done all this she would return to me but she did not, and her unfaithful sister Judah saw it.” – Jeremiah 3:7

They just had a bunch of sex under every tree, why would they return to God? They are off having fun for a change!

“I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries.” – Jeremiah 3:8

LOL! Sorry God, but the people divorced you first and rightfully so!

“The Lord said to me, ‘Faithless Israel is more righteous than unfaithful Judah.’” – Jeremiah 3:11

Sure, God, if that makes you feel better.

“‘Return, faithless Israel,’ declares the Lord, ‘I will frown on you no longer, for I am faithful,’ declares the Lord, ‘I will not be angry forever.’” – Jeremiah 3:12

ROFL! God will not be angry forever? He’s angry all the time in the Bible!!!

“‘But like a woman unfaithful to her husband, so you, Israel, have been unfaithful to me,’ declares the Lord.” – Jeremiah 3:20

More sexism in the Bible. The women are always unfaithful in the Bible, but in reality, men are just as unfaithful in the real world and arguably more unfaithful.

The Israelites should stay away from God. It’s better for them without the god of the Bible.

Coming Soon: Jeremiah – Chapter 4: Disaster From the North